- Aug 8, 2017
- 2,607
- 2,525
- 33
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Celibate
So I've relapsed into watching same-sex porn, but somehow this was a different experience.
It's like God yanked me out of the site, not just because I was fearful of how dirty I am, but because of a reminder that im His child. Before, I would click off out of shame. I would feel like a slave to it and "why isn't it going away?" " am I still gay or bisexual?" "how will I overcome this?", delete history, try to hid it ever happen. My repentance would feel like a toll.
But this time was more of a "what are you doing?" "God have alot better for you" and " don't stoop to that, you already know why you're on this site, snap outta it girl", and my repentance became simple. It's like a " you know what God, you're right, what was I thinking? You already said in your Word...". Like a friend who tells you not to go somewhere, already knowing that you know this but needed to remind you how foolish it would be to go, and you know to listen and you actually listen....is the same experience I had just now.
And yes as much as I did relapse, I still praise God for grace, and that I've came far. I fell, but for the first time, I didnt let that fall define me. I knew why, and it was easier to just turn.
But I think back, on those who testify that such thoughts, actions, and feelings had led them to believe that they must be a slave to it, like I have. That because such feelings arise, this must be it, this is my sentence. Even after confessing, experiencing a relapse during this life, and questioning their salvation and their identity. I encourage anyone who've dealt with it is that relapse is not end game.
As long as we are on this earth, there will always be a time of relapse in any given sin. And every day we have to kill flesh, and every day we have new struggles or dealing with old struggles. Just know that once you are freed in Christ, you are no longer a slave. Before it was a boulder and burden, now it becomes dirt on my feet to shake off and move on. Having, the relationship I have with God now, made me overcome and see it clearly and deal with things swiftly. That hash tug, became a gentler tug, and one day God wouldn't even need to tug me anymore.
Don't sentence yourself on your relapses, thank God for the healing and knowledge of Truth, turn from it, and keep it moving!
It's like God yanked me out of the site, not just because I was fearful of how dirty I am, but because of a reminder that im His child. Before, I would click off out of shame. I would feel like a slave to it and "why isn't it going away?" " am I still gay or bisexual?" "how will I overcome this?", delete history, try to hid it ever happen. My repentance would feel like a toll.
But this time was more of a "what are you doing?" "God have alot better for you" and " don't stoop to that, you already know why you're on this site, snap outta it girl", and my repentance became simple. It's like a " you know what God, you're right, what was I thinking? You already said in your Word...". Like a friend who tells you not to go somewhere, already knowing that you know this but needed to remind you how foolish it would be to go, and you know to listen and you actually listen....is the same experience I had just now.
And yes as much as I did relapse, I still praise God for grace, and that I've came far. I fell, but for the first time, I didnt let that fall define me. I knew why, and it was easier to just turn.
But I think back, on those who testify that such thoughts, actions, and feelings had led them to believe that they must be a slave to it, like I have. That because such feelings arise, this must be it, this is my sentence. Even after confessing, experiencing a relapse during this life, and questioning their salvation and their identity. I encourage anyone who've dealt with it is that relapse is not end game.
As long as we are on this earth, there will always be a time of relapse in any given sin. And every day we have to kill flesh, and every day we have new struggles or dealing with old struggles. Just know that once you are freed in Christ, you are no longer a slave. Before it was a boulder and burden, now it becomes dirt on my feet to shake off and move on. Having, the relationship I have with God now, made me overcome and see it clearly and deal with things swiftly. That hash tug, became a gentler tug, and one day God wouldn't even need to tug me anymore.
Don't sentence yourself on your relapses, thank God for the healing and knowledge of Truth, turn from it, and keep it moving!