Regretting wedding pictures and more... (RANT)

[Rhododendron]

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[Rhododendron]

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[TrustingmyLord]

Well, my wedding pics, dress, and pretty much everything sucked. We had hardly any money then. My dress was given to me, hubby wore a borrowed suit and our pics were not professional. If I could go back and do it differently, would I? Some of it, yes.

BUT...

In my opinion, none of that matters at all. All that matters are the vows we made and the love we share. I am not trying to dis your thread here, or your feelings, I just feel that all else is fluff. It doesnt matter. Maybe you should let it go. I really think redoing it all would just be a tragic waste of money, money you could use to help others less fortunate than you.

Also, it sounds like you have major issues concerning your mother in law. Dont get me wrong, I know ALL about how MIL's can be! But perhaps you need to forgive her and let go of some resentment. This could hurt your marriage far more than bad wedding photos.

 

[Rhododendron]

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[RizNChrist]

Rhododendron,

ya know. I can relate to what you're saying. i don't LOVE the way my pictures turned out. i have really thought about re-doing at least the pics in a year or two. i can relate, really i can. but it's important not to get caught up.

 

[seamonster]

If it matters that much, I would get them redone. Definitely.

 

[tigercub]

I can completely understand. I rushed our wedding plans...as I was so sick of planning I just went 'THATS IT!' and did it all superfast and really cheap. We didn't have a proper reception, just a dinner in a Leagues Club...no privacy fromt he rest of the patrons.

The only thing I really regret is boring pictures

I've been married over 2 years now, and although I am unsatisfied with my wedding, I am very satisfied with my marriage Thus I don't allow my dissatisfaction with the photos and such to infiltrate my life. I have told no one in my life how I feel about my wedding.

If I could have done it differently...I would elope to somewhere beautiful like the Whitsunday Islands, and spend more $$$ on photography.

 

[JustBeachy]

I understand - there are a few things I wasn't happy about with our wedding (although not nearly as much as you, poor girl!), and for a few years, I found myself looking back and getting upset about some of them. It was mainly the things that I wanted done one way and a relative interfered and I allowed them to tell me what to do... And I do have some crummy pictures. I don't display them or show them off. But you will probably find that you will be able to let it go in time. As the years have passed, I've been able to shrug it off because we're very happy and those things don't matter anymore, but it did take time. Plus those wedding pictures have been eclipsed by the hundreds of other photos we've take in the past 8 years we've had together...and now we have a child, so nobody really wants to see our wedding pictures!

If I was in your shoes, I wouldn't create new wedding pictures because you and everyone that was there would know that they're studio shots in rented clothes 3 years after the wedding, and that's not what makes wedding pics special. Maybe you and your husband can get some pictures done without the wedding clothes, put the wedding pictures away, and display some new beautiful, professional pictures of you two proudly.

Sorry that your big day was disappointing...I totally understand how that can bother a bride for a long time.

 

[Rebekka]

Rhododendron, I'm sorry to hear that your wedding was dominated by your MIL's wishes, not your own.

I agree with what TrustingmyLord said about much of the wedding being fluff.

However, if you are truly unhappy with the pictures, I can understand that you want to do it all over again - or do what JustBeachy suggested, just have nice pictures made of your husband and you.

I was very happy about our wedding despite it being fairly low budget, but I was unhappy with the pictures my sister-in-law had made: the ones in church were too dark and almost all from behind, and we weren't even in the pictures she made at the reception - all she had done was photograph the guests, not us! As a result, we didn't have good pictures of us in full length (SIL mostly made close ups from our faces) - which I as a bride found disappointing as I loved my dress and bouquet etc. I had trusted my SIL with the pictures because she's a good photographer with good cameras etc.

So as soon as we found out that the wedding pictures were bad - this was about a week after our wedding - we asked my uncle (an even better photographer, and a better listener) to do a photo session in my parents' lovely garden. (We were too poor to pay for a professional - and my uncle's pictures are as good as a professional's.) Husband and I looked exactly the same as on our wedding day, but now we were on it from head to toe instead of from head to shoulders.

I'm very glad that we did it - they feel like our real wedding pictures to me. But I did wear the same dress as on our wedding day, and it was only a week later. Also, most people don't know that the garden pictures are taken a week later instead of on the day itself (although I don't lie about it). We had to tell my SIL and she was offended, but she soon got over that.

I can't guarantee you that you will feel the same as I do about my "second round" wedding pictures - because of the time passed, and because other people have seen your original pictures with a different dress. But in my experience, people's memories aren't really that great, so maybe it will work. If you want other pictures because you don't want others to think less of you, that's not a very good reason to have them redone I think. But if you want other pictures because you want it for yourself - because you want to feel happy when thinking of your wedding day - then it's OK IMO.

 

[gracepaints]

I totally let my father railroad me on what I wanted for my wedding. I wanted an outdoor wedding in August with a informal reception and a guest list of about 100. I wound up with a church wedding in November with a formal sit-down reception and a guest list of almost 300 (the fact that only 100 showed was a real blow rather than a relief). We also shelled out 2 grand for ho-hum wedding pictures from a studio that messed up my bridal portraits and then claimed they were "for practice" and not part of my package! Oh, and I had to dump my hairstylist/makeup artist 3 days before the wedding because the job she did for my portrait was awful.

I boo-hooed about all these things for years. I planned fantasy replacement weddings in my head. DH and I even talked seriously about having NEW portraits done of me during our first year of marriage.

But, I eventually got over it. Time passed. I found other things to obsessed with. Now, I feel too old (and currently too pregnant) to be squishing myself into my wedding gown and hoping I can reclaim the day.

On the other hand, I'm planning one doesy of a 25th anniversary party. Only 18 more years to go!

 

[Evangelina]

Hmmm... thought about having a 'marriage celebration' type party, inviting a few close family and friends, telling each other how awesome you are, and making it a formal bash with a good photographer?

 

[SabrinaFair]

I think more than anything, you are most likely still smarting over feeling railroaded into decisions in your wedding. I can certainly understand that.

If you and hubby were shelling out your money for a wedding, then by all means you should have been able to totally do what your hearts' desired! It shouldn't have been an issue.

We didn't spend a lot on our wedding, just over $1000 after everything was said and done- but I was thrilled because I pretty much had total say in everything because I did it all myself, from the flowers to the invitations, to the cake. That really is what made all the difference- knowing it was exactly like we wanted- no one changing details on us.

I agree, if getting some professional wedding shots done will help you remember your wedding more fondly, then definitely treat yourself!!

 

[Rhododendron]

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[charligirl]

I have a friend who re-did their wedding pics because they had no decent ones of the day. Why don't you wait a year and have a 5 year anniversary ceremony in a hotel or something to celebrate your marriage and speak ongoing vows of love to each other. you could have it as posh as you like with a nice dress and everything and then have a small (but classy and expensive as you like!) family lunch afterwards.

Not a wedding but a marriage celebration.. the way you want

 

[GrannieAnnie]

I agree totally with...justbeachy. I think it's terribly sad that you aren't happy about your wedding day. But posing for "wedding" photos 3 yrs later is not REAL...everyone, including yourselves will know that, I don't think it will resolve how you feel. I would do as justbheachy says and go and get a lovely studio photo with your husband, not in wedding gear, but just nice clothes. I've been married twice, the first time I was 21, the second time 40....both weddings were done on a "budget" but I was happy with everything both times. My dad paid for the first one... For my 50th birthday I had a lovely studio portrait done, one pic with my husband, and I have them on the wall, so I can look back and think.....even at 50...I didn't wash up too bad !!
But you're a long way from 50. But still perhaps choose a wedding anniversary or some special day you both have and get a nice portrait done for that. You can't change what happened on your wedding day, and I don't think new pics will seem genuine anyway.

So sorry it was not happy for you

Annie

 

[MaraPetra]

I can understand your being disappointed with your pictures. Of all my wedding pictures, I'm happy with only one, and that one is a shot of me by myself. All of the pics of hubby and me together...Well, I look like I just got through mopping floors with my veil and sweating buckets. It's very unflattering to me.

But ultimately, those pictures do not truthfully reflect how that day was, or the vows made. What's more important, the pictures or the commitment? The sorrow over bad shots, or the promise of a new life together?

And how exactly do you propose making those pictures of your wedding day any better?

That being said, you may want to learn to forgive your MIL for sticking her nose into everything, and learn to forgive yourself for the way your wedding pictures turned out. Teh one thing that stands out in your posts is you seeming to repeat, "He looks great, but I don't look as good as I should." All is vanity, to quote a not-so-happy dude in Ecclesiastes.

I can understand you envying your friends' wedding pictures, but you're allowing material things to rob you of the joy of remembering your own wedding day. What good is that? What's most important about that day? Was it the ill-fitting dress, the pictures and the MIL? Or was it the promise you made to God regarding the man you love?

Instead of focusing on your sorrow at your portraits, why not focus your energy on planning a 5-year wedding vow renewal, or even just some nice formal portraits to commemorate? I'm sorry, you won't be able to create better wedding photos. But you can create newer portraits to show friends and family.

 

[MrsTtheoneandonly]

Yes, in some ways. I wish we had spent more on our photography, we got some good pictures but you really get what you pay for with wedding photography! I would have spent less on other things to get good photos if I had known this back then. Oh well!

 

[GolfingMom]

I suggest what others suggested...redo them. You could do it at your 5 year celebration or sooner. Go for it

 

[Jenniewren]

DH and I were married in the UK. As most of my family and friends couldn't make it we decided to have a wedding blessing in Australia a year later. I love the pictures from the blessing so much because I look so relaxed rather than nervous and anxious that I have them on the wall instead of the ones from the "big day". I would think a celebration with friends and family and a professional photgraph to commemerate that day would be wonderful. Don't get too caught up in the whole look thing though. In the long run it is the relationship that counts. Pray for forgivness to MIL. I know how difficult that realationship can be.

 

[beccasmommy]

I got good pictures of my wedding...sort of... the ceremony and the outdoor wedding party sucked because of the weather/lighting (we got married in October)but we got some of the two of us in the studio and they were pretty good