regrets

Romanseight2005 · Jul 9, 2011

I heard today, as I have many times, from various people, that it's not good to have regrets. This made me think. Is it good to have regrets? I mean can regrets have a positive effect on motivating you for change? Or Are regrets always bad?

ImperialPhantom · Jul 9, 2011

Regrets absolutely can be used positively and as a learning experience. I hear the same thing you do - that it's not good to have regrets. To me, it smacks of pop psychology or pop individualism. There are certainly times when a regret or a set of regrets becomes a bad thing, but it's what you do with the regret that determines whether it's a good thing, a bad thing, or just a thing.

notanordinarygirl · Jul 9, 2011

Regretting something usually means you're now wiser than you were before. I say regrets are good. I'd rather learn from my mistakes than not have them/not learn from them/not regret them.

k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe · Jul 9, 2011

I think regrets can be a good thing. Dwelling on regrets is bad though. Learn from your mistakes and don't make them again. Keep the consequences (which are the regrets, really) in mind but don't tear yourself up with guilt or else you won't go anywhere.

Romanseight2005 · Jul 10, 2011

That is what I think too. If I was completely perfect, I would have no regrets. However, since I am not, I am of the mind, that I should have regrets really. That means I now know what wasn't the right thing to do, so I can change it in the future. I guess, I see this as a large part of what can keep me from repeating it, you know?

dinonum · Jul 10, 2011

Romanseight2005 said:
I heard today, as I have many times, from various people, that it's not good to have regrets. This made me think. Is it good to have regrets? I mean can regrets have a positive effect on motivating you for change? Or Are regrets always bad?

Regrets IMO are bad. Regrets are negative feelings that are dwelled upon as negative and not as learning experiences or motivations. If I said I regret staying with my emotionally abusive boyfriend years ago, it would be negative. Instead of living in regret over that, or wishing I hadn't done it, i think of it as a learning experience and something that formed me Into who I am today. Regrets are things you want to change, not necessarily learn from and chNge.

Mostly semantics though and personal opinion on the subject though I guess lol.

dallasapple · Jul 10, 2011

I think along the lines of most..regrets are good as in "wouldnt do that again"...but just because you regret something doesn't mean you are lying awake at night mourning over that time lost..or that bad decision made..wallowing..or being engulfed/tortured in regret is obviously not a good thing.

If someone says I "regret my whole life' ..then thats different..that person is probably depressed..and or living under a lot of current stresses making them be all around negative..

You can also put a "posistive" spin on regret..as in I regret that but having said that some and I think a lot of times these tings we may regret do help shape us to be a better and more wiser person..Hopefully.

Dallas

JaneFW · Jul 10, 2011

I strongly believe that regrets are part of the consequences for sinful action. The things that I regret are usually from that source, and although God has deleted the sin, we still bear the consequence, which is how it should be - otherwise we would never learn anything!

The only time that regrets work against us is when we dwell on them - as someone else said - which is kind of like not accepting God's forgiveness, because you dwell on it and go over and over it, and it's not wiped away, like it should be. Other than that, I think it's good to regret a wrongful action, learn from it, and move on.

Romanseight2005 · Jul 10, 2011

Right. If we dwell on it, but don't do anything differently, or anything to fix it, if it can be fixed, then it's useless. That's when all we can do is give it to God, ask His forgiveness, and be done with it. But the thing is, is sometimes I have remembered something from many years ago, that I felt regret for, right when I remembered it, and something can be done about it. Here is an example. When I was about 19 or so, my friends and I went to a Wicca shop. They were offering Tarot card readings. One of the girls, and I were sort of making fun of our other friend for not wanting to do it. Our other friend was trying to do the right thing, for the right reasons. but we were not. Anyway, 20 years later, that whole thing came back to my remembrance. I was filled with regret about it. So, I called my friend, and told her I was sorry, and asked for her forgiveness. She kind of chuckled. But I was set free from that whole thing.

See, I think that the Holy Spirit can bring things to our remembrance that He wants us to do something about. Even if it's just confessing it, or analyzing it, to not do it again.
In the case of regret where you can't do anything about it, and you have confessed it, and been forgiven,then it's time to let it go.

I guess I think it can be dangerous to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I mean, could making a blanket choice to, "Live without regret," cause us to ignore the promptings of the Holy Spirit?

Autumnleaf · Jul 10, 2011

I think regret is like guilt. It is sorrow for loss that is beyond reach. You can't go back and redo life. For me, acceptance is how I deal with guilt and regret. I accept what happened and I try to understand it so I can be a better man.

Created2Write · Jul 10, 2011

I agree with dinonum. One can learn from their mistakes without regret. IMO regret is nothing more than humble condemnation. The Bible tells us there is no condemnation in Christ. There is conviction, but not condemnation. Conviction motivates someone to repent. Condemnation pushes away. Jesus never pushed anyone away. He led people to follow Him, and He taught them through gentleness and conviction. Not condemnation. Regret, imo, is a mild form of condemnation.

I also think it stems from an excessive focus on self. "I wish I hadn't done that!"; "If only I hadn't made that choice!"; "If I could only go back and redo it!"; "What would my life be like now if I had made a different choice?" Instead of focusing on ourselves, are are to focus on God, and through Him, we are to serve others. Regret may eventually bring about "change", but imo, it's a selfish change. I say that because we should never regret the lessons God teaches us. Granted, the trials may have been difficult, and yes we may have to live with some painful consequences, but is it better to wish you could go back and change it, or to REALLY learn from the mistake and move on and do better? Regret focuses on what you can not change, instead of moving forward to what you can.

Now, I think there's a difference between a momentary wish of "Man that was a dumb decision, I wish I'd never done it", and a consistent state of living in regret. I guess my point is, that everything happens for a reason, and even if the things that happened were horrible, there's always something good to learn from it. So, imo, we shouldn't regret things because they shape us into who we're meant to be.

dinonum · Jul 10, 2011

Created2Write said:
I agree with dinonum. One can learn from their mistakes without regret. IMO regret is nothing more than humble condemnation. The Bible tells us there is no condemnation in Christ. There is conviction, but not condemnation. Conviction motivates someone to repent. Condemnation pushes away. Jesus never pushed anyone away. He led people to follow Him, and He taught them through gentleness and conviction. Not condemnation. Regret, imo, is a mild form of condemnation.

I also think it stems from an excessive focus on self. "I wish I hadn't done that!"; "If only I hadn't made that choice!"; "If I could only go back and redo it!"; "What would my life be like now if I had made a different choice?" Instead of focusing on ourselves, are are to focus on God, and through Him, we are to serve others. Regret may eventually bring about "change", but imo, it's a selfish change. I say that because we should never regret the lessons God teaches us. Granted, the trials may have been difficult, and yes we may have to live with some painful consequences, but is it better to wish you could go back and change it, or to REALLY learn from the mistake and move on and do better? Regret focuses on what you can not change, instead of moving forward to what you can.

Now, I think there's a difference between a momentary wish of "Man that was a dumb decision, I wish I'd never done it", and a consistent state of living in regret. I guess my point is, that everything happens for a reason, and even if the things that happened were horrible, there's always something good to learn from it. So, imo, we shouldn't regret things because they shape us into who we're meant to be.

FaithPrevails · Jul 11, 2011

FaithPrevails · Jul 11, 2011

Romanseight2005 · Jul 11, 2011

But isn't regret simply another way of saying that you are sorry about certain things in your life? Isn't being sorry, paramount to repentance? I certainly don't think that we are supposed to spend our lives dwelling on the bad things we have done, but to say you have no regrets, is to swing the pendulum the other way, and act like it was all good.

I also think that you can see good in something God did, in spite of what you did, taking the negative focus off of it, but nevertheless, the regret over doing the wrong thing should still be something you have at some point.

FaithPrevails · Jul 11, 2011

dallasapple · Jul 11, 2011

FaithPrevails said:
Regret means: A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

As a temporary feeling - as C2W said, these are acceptable emotions. But, to look back weeks, months, years later and still have regrets? No, I don't think that's healthy at all. It means there are unresolved issues a person has in their life that they need to come to terms with and accept, IMO.

The only thing I will say to that is sometimes its not for weeks..or months or even years that you even develop the first feeling of regret over whatever it is...

And I think the poitn of regret is..in fact TO come to terms accept or find closure on whatever it is..and to learn form it in a postive way..or even just settle it..

One example comes to mind ..I watched a movie recently I cant remember which one..but anyway the guy had some sort of life changing event..I think it might have been even he fell in love with a wonderful woman ..adn then as the story goes he lost her somehow..well in his "regrets" over tht he had others..One was he had been a terrible bully in his youth ad had targeted oen particular guyl..you can guess Im sure..he located him ..and randomly one day just went ot his house..explained who he was..and just told the guy he was very sorry and how wrong he had been ..and thats it..he want even looking for forgiveness he just needed to say that to the man or he couldnt rest..

But we cant minimize though in that case..the possible healing power for the victim as well..it could have made a differnce in his life to hear that apology from the heart evne all those years later..

So in that case "regret" even years and years later was productive..

Dallas

c1ners · Jul 11, 2011

Regret can be both good and bad depending on how you handle it. My late husband once asked me how he could get to Heaven. I was young and not sure how to explain it to him so I told him I'd take him to church that coming up Sunday. We never made it to church that Sunday. He died. Do I regret not telling him? You bet! But because of that regret I'm not afraid to tell anyone else now.

That regret hurts me so bad that sometimes it brings me to my knees, but it also helped me to learn a lesson. A lesson that I'm very grateful for.

FaithPrevails · Jul 11, 2011

dallasapple · Jul 11, 2011

I'm not talking about the kind of scenario you posed above - which is all well and good. I was talking about having regret - holding onto it - for all that time. Not feeling conviction over something after that amount of time had passed. That's totally different.

I was just saying as far as time goes its not about how long ago the what it is you regret was..

And I agree and thats waht I posted..dwelling and agonizing for permentently ..being preoccupied over something that is said and done that can not be remedied or reversed is obviously not healthy..

Romans?..you are not implying that people are suppossed to live thier lives full of regret on a dialy basis are you ?Things that are done and over that cant be repented of or have been repented of?You arent saying you think that is a healthy thing are you?..If you are I got you all wrong..

Dallas

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