- Aug 24, 2017
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I’m the same way. I want to be saved, but Im still resistant to submitting fully. Sometimes I feel like the lyrics of that Relient K song “Be My Escape” Apply to me. “I am a hostage to my own humanity.”
Stay broken
I try to place my trust in Christ, and not myself... still trying to figure that out.
I can't fathom how other Christians are so in love with God and living such deeply faithful and joyous lives. I am miserable, depressed, bitter, and wanting so much to change to be this person that God wants me to be, but I am stuck.
Isn't that being a bit 'self-righteous as well?I have nothing in common with most Christians, and their self-righteous attitudes.
I can't fathom how other Christians are so in love with God and living such deeply faithful and joyous lives. I am miserable, depressed, bitter, and wanting so much to change to be this person that God wants me to be, but I am stuck.
There is a barrier between God and I, and much of it has to do with the questions, misconceptions, and doubts in my heart.
I have accepted that I will never know the mysterious workings of God, or why He created this universe, created us.
But I know that the only reason I came to faith, was out of fear of hell, and a desire to hop into the rapture "life raft" to escape the tribulation. To be honest, I'm not sure about the rapture scenario now. So that leaves me with my only incentive to dwell with God being that I don't want to experience eternal sentient torture.
I know damn well I don't belong in Heaven with Christ. I have nothing in common with most Christians, and their self-righteous attitudes.
I tried to follow the formula: read bible, pray, try not to sin, rinse and repeat.
That was a fail.
I try to place my trust in Christ, and not myself... still trying to figure that out.
I can't fathom how other Christians are so in love with God and living such deeply faithful and joyous lives. I am miserable, depressed, bitter, and wanting so much to change to be this person that God wants me to be, but I am stuck.
If I were absolutely honest with myself and God, I think that I desire annihilation above everything else. But that is not one of His options.
I feel like I'm going mad. The idea of eternal life gives me anxiety.
Can anyone relate at all?
Any practical advice?
Edited:
I remember why I stopped bothering posting here.
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