Reconciliation while Maintaining Purity

[fluffy_rainbow]

I have been best friends with the same guy for the last four years. When I got divorced my dad got me a job at the company he worked for. I loved it. It was a Christian owned and operated company and we had wonderful praise and worship time and prayer was always available. I quickly made friends with a guy there who ran the color copy department. We both know each other's testimony, we've worshiped together in church, seen the good, the bad, and the ugly and we're still friends. He is also very close to my family as he looks to my father for male spiritual guidance.

Every other Saturday night he comes over to play games with me and my family. We used to help each other cheat at Monopoly . Then we got hooked on Texas Hold 'Em so he comes and plays that with us. There have been nights I have left my car at my apartment for whatever reason and he'll give me a ride home. One night he won at poker and we stopped at the grocery store on my way home to get some smokes and he bought me a drink. I know that sounds cheesy, but he's just not the type of guy who offers to buy girls anything really. I really like this guy. No, he doesn't exactly have the personality of most of the guys I'm attracted to, but he's a strong Christian and I care about him alot plus, when he does open up he's very funny.

Seeing him all the time is great, even though we no longer work together; however, he has since witnessed my ugly side. I fell very far away from God for about a year and I allowed that to interfere with my relationship with this guy. When he would come over for game night I would deliberately show cleavage, make nasty sexual comments, curse, talk about my promiscuous and drunken lifestyle as if it were something to be proud of. Now that I have gotten my life back on track I'm very ashamed of how I've behaved. I want to ask him to forgive me for my very unchristlike and unladylike attitude, but I also want to guard my heart and his.

Yes, he is my friend and yes I trust him to keep whatever I tell him in the strictest of confidence and still love me as a sister in Christ regardless...but, I am worried about a couple of things:

1. This guy is not someone I would ever consider a relationship with in my "lost" state; however, the closer I get to Christ the more I see this guy's potential to be the spiritual leader and a godly husband. I also know that he may somewhere deep down inside have some feelings for me, but I don't fit his description of what his ideal woman looks like. I'm trying so hard to guard my heart and maintain this friendship, but it's trying.

2. How do you maintain a level of sexual purity when you start asking forgiveness for directing sexual impurity on someone?

3. How can I get rid of some of the romantic inclinations I have towards this guy? He doesn't belong to me nor I to him, but I feel a sense of ownership over him because we've been friends for so long and have been through so much together. When he dated a girl for almost a year I was insanely jealous and protective. I didn't think she was good enough for him, even though I never told him so. It hurt me to see the way she had made him change, and not for the better. She was significantly younger than he is and it was almost as if he lowered his maturity level to appease her. I'm ashamed to admit that when I found out they had mutually broken things off, I was happy about it.

Argh! Platonic friendships are so difficult.

 

[Jakobray]

Get rid of romantic Inclinations? I don't know if you can just snap your finger and let them go away. You have feelings for this guy because you are such close friends and because he is a spiritual man. It isn't like you like him for his hot butt. These are qualities which he has which should be attractive. I think that maybe you just need to step back a little bit and tell yourself "Hey, right now Our relationship would just hurt him and me." Maybe one day when you are strong enough you will be able to do it but for right now it is just too soon.

The question about sexual purity is a tough one. I remember this illustration one time. If lets say you go as far as making out with a guy, the next guy you date your gonna wanna start closer to that. If you go really far with a guy then the urge is gonna be to pick up there in your next relationship. YOu just really need to GUARD YOUR HEART!!! It says that God never gives us temptations which we are incapable of handling. He always gives us a way out. I think maybe u just need to apologize to the guy if you made him feel uncomfortable and just try to get yourself back to that point which u used to be at.

I hope any of this helps.

 

[Inperfected]

WEl.... maintaining the sexual purity.... gotta be careful not to fall back into these places that you have come from, ie not showing clevage etc... but also you mite need to be in a public or home setting when you are together, just to protect your steps...

 

[KeilCoppes]

All I can say is that removing romantic inclinations in yourself is like trying to pick out road rash after crashing into the gravel - it's a long, painful process. Welcome to God's gym. You'll grow a lot just in surviving.

The greatest key to all is coming to real stability in God being truly above all. Always remember 'Seek first'.