Recently Diagnosed BP & ADD

[julietheartist]

Hi - I'm 40, almost 41 & was recently (2 weeks ago) diagnosed as being bi-polar by my physician of 2+ years. I read through some of the threads here & decided to take a step of courage & start my own thread. It's great that we have a 'safe' place to come, meet one another, share stories, & encourage one another.

I was diagnosed with ADD approximately 8 months ago for the first time, although studying learning disabilities as a minor @ Purdue University, I was not amazed. Nor was I shocked @ my diagnosis of BP - actually a lot of things make more sense now to me.

I have undergone & continue to go a Christian counselor in which we are asking Jesus (along with my husband through prayer) to identifiy the lies associated with memories & emotions that I deal with on a regular basis. The initial diagnosis of ADD resulted in the doctor telling me that I had adjusted for my behavior over the years - I give glory & credit to the the word of God & the power of the Holy Spirit to change me.

I read in a thread about a Pshyc major that attributed her ability to acquire her degree to counseling & medication. I acheived A's & B's in high school & was on the Dean's List @ Purdue as a triple major (went back to school @ the age of 28) - my med's were not prescribed, as I found smoking pot was my drug of choice & did it daily (college only - not high school/athletic acheivement was my drug of choice there) - my doc told me I was self medicating all those years. I can't deny that now. I graduated obtaining my degree in doing so & went on to rededicate my life to the Lordship of Christ just over 3 years ago. God immediately delivered me out of my drug addictions & hopelessness.

I didn't take any meds for the past 3 years until now, they have put me on BP medication & an antidepressent. My drug of choice in now the word of God.

My doctor told me that he thought it was best that I take them while I go through the healing that I am - since so much is getting stirred up & broken lose. I thought the meds would only be temporary, but my mentor told me that once you start taking BP meds, you can't stop. Is this true?

I know that with Christ ALL things are possible. I trust that God is using the meds (with the approval of my husband who is on staff with Teen Challenge) to help me right now. Accepting that I've been sick all my life, seems a bit much to me - I can easily see how I've went in cycles most of my life...like the love roller coaster I used to joke & make reference.

I consider myself a very passionate, committed person that whatever I commit do - I do 110% - obviously an up side of me. :+) When I'm down, I'm down & sucidal tendancies are something I struggle with & can identify immediately. I confess my thoughts to my husband & use the word of God to combat - replace those thoughts. I never understood until 8 months ago how a Chrsitian - obedient - woman could be depressed or have suicidal thoughts, until I experienced it. I always thought because of the decisions I made & situations I got myself into (sin related) - I had good reason to be depressed, but a Christian woman happily married & working in ministry? I couldn't imagine it - God showed me another side of me & has given me an increased compassion & sympathy for Christian woman that struggle with such.

Back to the passion & committment, I'm also (God's given me the ability) to be very creative and now I'm a professional full time artist that manages my own business - & praise the Lord, it is succesfful. (My lifelong dream has come true - He does give us the desires of our heart!) I've been a very determined person @ getting what I want when I set my heart towards it...like returning to college @ the age of 28.

I watched my best friend gringe when I told her about my diagnosis's- as if something was terribly wrong with what they had told me & she wasn't going to believe it. I don't think that having these behavior characteristics - or a diagnosis is all that bad - it's part of how God made us. We are all uniquely different.

Being aware of my behavior tendencies, I now know that when I'm up - I'm gonna come down & I've purposely set out to make sure I take time to read the word (with no distractions), & even try to take a double dose of it or more. I know that it has the power to heal, so I will apply it as such to myself when I am aware of 'down' time coming. I enjoy watching Jesus movies as well that are scripturally based & recorded word for word. Ie. Matthew, the Gospel of John, Acts, etc.

Reflecting on my life & since I've committed all my ways & plans to the Lord, I would have to honestly confess that it was at the lowest time in my life or cycles that I was not reading, praying, confessing sin and/or I was taking things into my mind (like secular TV - or any non God glorifying media) that would not ultimately produce peace, love, joy & happiness. What one sows, they shall reap. I simply was not putting God first in my life & it seems that I am more sensitive to getting out of balance when I don't do so. Which I think ultimately is a good thing. It's like God programmed me to super sensitive to things that are not of Him.

Having been an undiagnosed ADD & BiPolar person most of my life (39 years), I think we should celebrate who we are - who God made us to be & not use the diagnosis as a crutch - we need to only use Christ as our crutch....and sometimes He will be our stretcher to carry us to the Father.

Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that anyone that suffers from depression or suicidal tendencies that take meds & stay in the word are in sin or anything of the like. I am simply staing that, for myself, I have noticed that when I don't make God the center & priority of my life on a daily manner - worshiping Him as He desires to be - that eventually I tend to go down in my cycle...per say. I have always thought that was normal.

My prayers are with you all. God calls us to be peculiar people - I think that we are. Praise be to God who formed us in our mother's wombs & made us uniquely different for His glory. I'm determined now to make the best of what He's given me to work with, pressing on towards the goal of Him making me more like Him. One day @ a time.

In His love & service,
Julie

 

[justafayes]

Hi - I'm 40, almost 41 & was recently (2 weeks ago) diagnosed as being bi-polar by my physician of 2+ years. I read through some of the threads here & decided to take a step of courage & start my own thread. It's great that we have a 'safe' place to come, meet one another, share stories, & encourage one another.

I was diagnosed with ADD approximately 8 months ago for the first time, although studying learning disabilities as a minor @ Purdue University, I was not amazed. Nor was I shocked @ my diagnosis of BP - actually a lot of things make more sense now to me.

I have undergone & continue to go a Christian counselor in which we are asking Jesus (along with my husband through prayer) to identifiy the lies associated with memories & emotions that I deal with on a regular basis. The initial diagnosis of ADD resulted in the doctor telling me that I had adjusted for my behavior over the years - I give glory & credit to the the word of God & the power of the Holy Spirit to change me.

I read in a thread about a Pshyc major that attributed her ability to acquire her degree to counseling & medication. I acheived A's & B's in high school & was on the Dean's List @ Purdue as a triple major (went back to school @ the age of 28) - my med's were not prescribed, as I found smoking pot was my drug of choice & did it daily (college only - not high school/athletic acheivement was my drug of choice there) - my doc told me I was self medicating all those years. I can't deny that now. I graduated obtaining my degree in doing so & went on to rededicate my life to the Lordship of Christ just over 3 years ago. God immediately delivered me out of my drug addictions & hopelessness.

I didn't take any meds for the past 3 years until now, they have put me on BP medication & an antidepressent. My drug of choice in now the word of God.

My doctor told me that he thought it was best that I take them while I go through the healing that I am - since so much is getting stirred up & broken lose. I thought the meds would only be temporary, but my mentor told me that once you start taking BP meds, you can't stop. Is this true?

I know that with Christ ALL things are possible. I trust that God is using the meds (with the approval of my husband who is on staff with Teen Challenge) to help me right now. Accepting that I've been sick all my life, seems a bit much to me - I can easily see how I've went in cycles most of my life...like the love roller coaster I used to joke & make reference.

I consider myself a very passionate, committed person that whatever I commit do - I do 110% - obviously an up side of me. :+) When I'm down, I'm down & sucidal tendancies are something I struggle with & can identify immediately. I confess my thoughts to my husband & use the word of God to combat - replace those thoughts. I never understood until 8 months ago how a Chrsitian - obedient - woman could be depressed or have suicidal thoughts, until I experienced it. I always thought because of the decisions I made & situations I got myself into (sin related) - I had good reason to be depressed, but a Christian woman happily married & working in ministry? I couldn't imagine it - God showed me another side of me & has given me an increased compassion & sympathy for Christian woman that struggle with such.

Back to the passion & committment, I'm also (God's given me the ability) to be very creative and now I'm a professional full time artist that manages my own business - & praise the Lord, it is succesfful. (My lifelong dream has come true - He does give us the desires of our heart!) I've been a very determined person @ getting what I want when I set my heart towards it...like returning to college @ the age of 28.

I watched my best friend gringe when I told her about my diagnosis's- as if something was terribly wrong with what they had told me & she wasn't going to believe it. I don't think that having these behavior characteristics - or a diagnosis is all that bad - it's part of how God made us. We are all uniquely different.

Being aware of my behavior tendencies, I now know that when I'm up - I'm gonna come down & I've purposely set out to make sure I take time to read the word (with no distractions), & even try to take a double dose of it or more. I know that it has the power to heal, so I will apply it as such to myself when I am aware of 'down' time coming. I enjoy watching Jesus movies as well that are scripturally based & recorded word for word. Ie. Matthew, the Gospel of John, Acts, etc.

Reflecting on my life & since I've committed all my ways & plans to the Lord, I would have to honestly confess that it was at the lowest time in my life or cycles that I was not reading, praying, confessing sin and/or I was taking things into my mind (like secular TV - or any non God glorifying media) that would not ultimately produce peace, love, joy & happiness. What one sows, they shall reap. I simply was not putting God first in my life & it seems that I am more sensitive to getting out of balance when I don't do so. Which I think ultimately is a good thing. It's like God programmed me to super sensitive to things that are not of Him.

Having been an undiagnosed ADD & BiPolar person most of my life (39 years), I think we should celebrate who we are - who God made us to be & not use the diagnosis as a crutch - we need to only use Christ as our crutch....and sometimes He will be our stretcher to carry us to the Father.

Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that anyone that suffers from depression or suicidal tendencies that take meds & stay in the word are in sin or anything of the like. I am simply staing that, for myself, I have noticed that when I don't make God the center & priority of my life on a daily manner - worshiping Him as He desires to be - that eventually I tend to go down in my cycle...per say. I have always thought that was normal.

My prayers are with you all. God calls us to be peculiar people - I think that we are. Praise be to God who formed us in our mother's wombs & made us uniquely different for His glory. I'm determined now to make the best of what He's given me to work with, pressing on towards the goal of Him making me more like Him. One day @ a time.

In His love & service,
Julie

I agree Lil Sis.. I was 43 when diagnosed with BP and ADHD. Whew,, I KNOW exactly what you are talking about, down to the last word.. Love you in the Lord.. I paint too! I paint on roofing slates. Wow,, how wonderful to meet a sister with close to the same everything.. God richly bless you Faye

 

[DLX]

Theophostic Prayer?

Lexi

 

[friendofaslan]

Thank you for pointing out that we are all unique in the way that God has made us. Circumstance of childhood may have produced mental disorders, but we remain created in His image. May you continue to live giving glory and honor to Him.

 

[vincejohn]

My childhood was a nightmare growing up catholic. I was beaten naked by a maniac nun at 6-7 years of age in front of the class. then dressed as a woman to heap more humiliation on me for a school play at 8 and there were many pretty lasses their. Then beaten till I bled at 16 destroying me from an A grade student to the lowest 20 per cent of the country. Oh yes I was targeted by an evil force but I am still here praise Jesus Christ what ever they labeled me I have been drug free for over 5 years because I cried to Jesus to change my life and he did. I now write and produce music just recorded my first easylistening very relaxing songs 15 with a gospel feel in some and now Im here....Jesus loves us and reveals His Holy loving Father to us. ''Jesus is a cry away'' pleased to meet you Julie.

 

[I'ddie4him2]

Hi - I'm 40, almost 41 & was recently (2 weeks ago) diagnosed as being bi-polar by my physician of 2+ years. I read through some of the threads here & decided to take a step of courage & start my own thread. It's great that we have a 'safe' place to come, meet one another, share stories, & encourage one another.

I was diagnosed with ADD approximately 8 months ago for the first time, although studying learning disabilities as a minor @ Purdue University, I was not amazed. Nor was I shocked @ my diagnosis of BP - actually a lot of things make more sense now to me.

I have undergone & continue to go a Christian counselor in which we are asking Jesus (along with my husband through prayer) to identifiy the lies associated with memories & emotions that I deal with on a regular basis. The initial diagnosis of ADD resulted in the doctor telling me that I had adjusted for my behavior over the years - I give glory & credit to the the word of God & the power of the Holy Spirit to change me.

I read in a thread about a Pshyc major that attributed her ability to acquire her degree to counseling & medication. I acheived A's & B's in high school & was on the Dean's List @ Purdue as a triple major (went back to school @ the age of 28) - my med's were not prescribed, as I found smoking pot was my drug of choice & did it daily (college only - not high school/athletic acheivement was my drug of choice there) - my doc told me I was self medicating all those years. I can't deny that now. I graduated obtaining my degree in doing so & went on to rededicate my life to the Lordship of Christ just over 3 years ago. God immediately delivered me out of my drug addictions & hopelessness.

I didn't take any meds for the past 3 years until now, they have put me on BP medication & an antidepressent. My drug of choice in now the word of God.

My doctor told me that he thought it was best that I take them while I go through the healing that I am - since so much is getting stirred up & broken lose. I thought the meds would only be temporary, but my mentor told me that once you start taking BP meds, you can't stop. Is this true?

I know that with Christ ALL things are possible. I trust that God is using the meds (with the approval of my husband who is on staff with Teen Challenge) to help me right now. Accepting that I've been sick all my life, seems a bit much to me - I can easily see how I've went in cycles most of my life...like the love roller coaster I used to joke & make reference.

I consider myself a very passionate, committed person that whatever I commit do - I do 110% - obviously an up side of me. :+) When I'm down, I'm down & sucidal tendancies are something I struggle with & can identify immediately. I confess my thoughts to my husband & use the word of God to combat - replace those thoughts. I never understood until 8 months ago how a Chrsitian - obedient - woman could be depressed or have suicidal thoughts, until I experienced it. I always thought because of the decisions I made & situations I got myself into (sin related) - I had good reason to be depressed, but a Christian woman happily married & working in ministry? I couldn't imagine it - God showed me another side of me & has given me an increased compassion & sympathy for Christian woman that struggle with such.

Back to the passion & committment, I'm also (God's given me the ability) to be very creative and now I'm a professional full time artist that manages my own business - & praise the Lord, it is succesfful. (My lifelong dream has come true - He does give us the desires of our heart!) I've been a very determined person @ getting what I want when I set my heart towards it...like returning to college @ the age of 28.

I watched my best friend gringe when I told her about my diagnosis's- as if something was terribly wrong with what they had told me & she wasn't going to believe it. I don't think that having these behavior characteristics - or a diagnosis is all that bad - it's part of how God made us. We are all uniquely different.

Being aware of my behavior tendencies, I now know that when I'm up - I'm gonna come down & I've purposely set out to make sure I take time to read the word (with no distractions), & even try to take a double dose of it or more. I know that it has the power to heal, so I will apply it as such to myself when I am aware of 'down' time coming. I enjoy watching Jesus movies as well that are scripturally based & recorded word for word. Ie. Matthew, the Gospel of John, Acts, etc.

Reflecting on my life & since I've committed all my ways & plans to the Lord, I would have to honestly confess that it was at the lowest time in my life or cycles that I was not reading, praying, confessing sin and/or I was taking things into my mind (like secular TV - or any non God glorifying media) that would not ultimately produce peace, love, joy & happiness. What one sows, they shall reap. I simply was not putting God first in my life & it seems that I am more sensitive to getting out of balance when I don't do so. Which I think ultimately is a good thing. It's like God programmed me to super sensitive to things that are not of Him.

Having been an undiagnosed ADD & BiPolar person most of my life (39 years), I think we should celebrate who we are - who God made us to be & not use the diagnosis as a crutch - we need to only use Christ as our crutch....and sometimes He will be our stretcher to carry us to the Father.

Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that anyone that suffers from depression or suicidal tendencies that take meds & stay in the word are in sin or anything of the like. I am simply staing that, for myself, I have noticed that when I don't make God the center & priority of my life on a daily manner - worshiping Him as He desires to be - that eventually I tend to go down in my cycle...per say. I have always thought that was normal.

My prayers are with you all. God calls us to be peculiar people - I think that we are. Praise be to God who formed us in our mother's wombs & made us uniquely different for His glory. I'm determined now to make the best of what He's given me to work with, pressing on towards the goal of Him making me more like Him. One day @ a time.

In His love & service,
Julie

I'm going to be very forthright and honest here.

I am SO offended that so many think that reading will take away all the problems.

I was diagnosed with BP2 and ADHD almost 11 years ago.

If God intended us to be different and to be dependent on a certain med to keep us stable, Then so be it.
Same with my being disabled for my back.
I accept this and anything that he decides to send my way.
It's called HUMILITY and OBEDIENCE.

This judgemental and outright attitude of someone not being worthy enough is totally wrong and I am very angry at this point.

Yes, Jesus did come to heal the sick and lame and anyone who believed...........

Is this some way of saying that WE who are not healed don't believe ??

Very Christianlike and caring I must say.

 

[julietheartist]

I am SO offended that so many think that reading will take away all the problems.
This judgemental and outright attitude of someone not being worthy enough is totally wrong and I am very angry at this point.

Yes, Jesus did come to heal the sick and lame and anyone who believed...........

Is this some way of saying that WE who are not healed don't believe ??

SomethingNewandDifferent,
I never meant to offend you with my honesty. Please forgive me. NONE of us will ever be completely be healed until we pass into glory....whether you've been diagnosed with a disease or not. That is not going to stop me from proclaiming it(healing through the word of God) & working through it TODAY. Your reference to reading, I'm assuming is the bible. I agree, reading alone will not take care of all your problems. There is a big difference between head knowledge (just reading) and heart knowledge (application & experience). You can read & memorize the bible your whole life, but if you don't apply it to your life & live it out - it's nothing but head knowledge - although, I am firm believer in the power of the word & it does state that God's word will not come back void...I won't go there right now. But, living a life of worship (which God calls us to- designed us for) is not just through our mouth on Sundays and a couple of times during the week, it's a lifestyle of worship - giving God your ALL all the time & acknowledging His presence in your life - being in prayer (communication - 2 way conversation) with Him constantly. It's made a significant difference in my life - that's all & to Him I give the glory for not leaving the same & creating me for exactly who I am today.

Lexi - Yes, theophostic prayer


In His grace & love,
Julie

 

[goldenviolet]

julietheartist wonderful post ... !! very big blessings in your life. sounds like God has given you alot of comfort and joy.

perhaps you'll go add your coping skills to the thread i started about "bipolar exsperts" (what works for you in a list form). tricky name. i was messing around. it is a blessing to us all to learn about different coping skills.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Julie I think if you look back at your life you will find that you where a great success because of your bipolar. We tend to direct all of our unlimited energy to achieve our goal. This is sometimes referred to as uni-polar. Great for business. We can go on for many years without to many problems because we where young and strong. I think you will agree that we didn't always look after ourselves as we should have because it would of slowed us down. For example I had a heart attack at the age of 27. After 17 days in the hospital and many tests the doctor told me I have a good heart but to much mental stress. Stress I put on myself. Well at the age of 58 I really went manic and was put in a mental holding cell for 6 days and then committed for 28 days. Meds took a long while before I got just what I needed to keep me on a level plane. I don't know that I'm taking the meds, I just know they really work Great. It is not true that once you start taking your meds that you can't stop. Anyone can stop and there is no withdrawal.( but you need to withdraw from the meds buy decreasing doses slowly ) BUT who would want to stop taking a med that they know works. Believe me I can tell even now when I really push myself that I start to become manic. It seems that the meds only take total care of you on a certain plane of living and that makes sense. So I attempt not to exceed that plane.( not always possible ) You can still be very productive but you must understand your disease( chemical imbalance ) and live accordingly.

I'm not going to repeat myself on the issue of killing yourself so I would like you to refer back to the title: " killing myself ".( a page or two back on the subject: "bipolar" Believe me I am very aware of this feeling but I no longer have it because of my meds. Depression is something we all hate but manic can be fun. Dangerous fun because we can no longer tolerate it and the downside is very dangerous!

Stay with your doctor and insist that you get on meds that make you feel normal and have no visible side affects. Now I must tell you that one invisible side affect for me as a man is sexual dysfunction. I'm 62 now and I will have to say that it also has a good side as I'm no longer ruled by it or be in constant thought on the subject. I believe that manic maybe brought me much pleasure at one time.( LOL )

I hope this helps and would like to leave with a saying that GOD put into my heart by the HOLY SPIRIT:
" Church can be a wonderful nest, but unless you venture out of your nest and use your Bible for wings, you will never soar with destruction most probable "

 

[alaurie]

Hi Julie,

I want to start kind of strange by saying congratulations that you've gotten a diagnosis. If you've gotten an accurate diagnosis, then you've always been bipolar (it's genetic, congenitial neurochemical anomaly ...not a 'disease') and now you're in a position to become a better but still unique you.

My diagnosis of Bipolar II ('soft bipolar') at 36 was such a relief because I and my family knew from infancy something was wrong ...night terrors starting as a newborn, migraines at 4YO, bouts of depression and intractable insomnia as a child, and horrible "mixed state" hypomania/depression throughout most of my adult years. The unfun part of it all was finding the right med mix. The process took nearly a year and I had such high hopes each time I tried something new, so I made it a bit harder on myself.

About the meds - please don't spiritualize away their importance. I'm a healthcare provider and see people do this every day with not just neurological and psych meds but insulin, etc. It's a form of denial, and it's my belief that refusing treatment directly contradicts God's pre fall command to Adam to "Go and subdue the earth". What we learn about medicine and the function of the human body is an incredible fulfillment of that command. If part of your resistance to meds is fear that your faith will be lessened or your God given personality and creativity will be blunted by the them - please know that when you find the right ones, you'll be a better Julie Christian and Julie artist. Your faith and personality won't change, but the harmful highs and lows will be blunted, making you more stable in both your faith, your gifts, and your service to God and others.

I can tell by reading your post that I don't have to advise 'stay in scripture and prayer' Meds alone will help some, but the combination of the meds, God's Word, and reliance on Him is powerful stuff!

God bless you, my sister! I'm praying for you.

Laurie

 

[I'ddie4him2]

SomethingNewandDifferent,
I never meant to offend you with my honesty. Please forgive me. NONE of us will ever be completely be healed until we pass into glory....whether you've been diagnosed with a disease or not. That is not going to stop me from proclaiming it(healing through the word of God) & working through it TODAY. Your reference to reading, I'm assuming is the bible. I agree, reading alone will not take care of all your problems. There is a big difference between head knowledge (just reading) and heart knowledge (application & experience). You can read & memorize the bible your whole life, but if you don't apply it to your life & live it out - it's nothing but head knowledge - although, I am firm believer in the power of the word & it does state that God's word will not come back void...I won't go there right now. But, living a life of worship (which God calls us to- designed us for) is not just through our mouth on Sundays and a couple of times during the week, it's a lifestyle of worship - giving God your ALL all the time & acknowledging His presence in your life - being in prayer (communication - 2 way conversation) with Him constantly. It's made a significant difference in my life - that's all & to Him I give the glory for not leaving the same & creating me for exactly who I am today.

Lexi - Yes, theophostic prayer


In His grace & love,
Julie

My point was and is that several who post here, DO this all the time.
I'll agree that reading can bring comfort, But, It will never bring healing.
That was why I got upset.
I depend on my daily meds to keep me stable. I have spent several stints in the psych wards trying desperately to get my meds stabilized and adjusted.
When you go from an extreme high to an extreme low several times in the course of a days time, You have an idea of how I live.
Reading and appying the word is not a cure all.
As I said, It might help comfort one for a short while.
My first marraige failed cause I had a spouse who refused to understand the BP and would not accept it period.
My current spouse is a wonderful understanding woman who has done large amounts of research on it and understands me even before I really see the signs of a major depressive or manic episode.
Understanding IMHO does alot to help also.

 

[julietheartist]

If part of your resistance to meds is fear that your faith will be lessened or your God given personality and creativity will be blunted by the them - please know that when you find the right ones, you'll be a better Julie Christian and Julie artist. Your faith and personality won't change, but the harmful highs and lows will be blunted, making you more stable in both your faith, your gifts, and your service to God and others.

I can tell by reading your post that I don't have to advise 'stay in scripture and prayer' Meds alone will help some, but the combination of the meds, God's Word, and reliance on Him is powerful stuff!

God bless you, my sister! I'm praying for you.
Laurie

Hi Laurie,

Thanks for the encouraging post. I appreciate your insight. I don't think that my faith will be lessoned. I know that in my weakness He is made strong. I've felt like I have a lack of energy, not necessarily depression, but just a lack of energy in the past couple of weeks.

I don't want to overspiritualize things, but truth is a mentor told me today to stop letting the devil put negative thoughts in my mind. (I hate to give him ANY credit) She encouraged me to go through the house & tell satan & all assignments against me to leave in Jesus name. I finally did & I it was within a hour that I started working through some paperwork that I've put off for weeks, that led to cleaning & then doing other things that I normally do. I even fixed dinner for my husband & had it ready for when he walked in the door. (Something I have not been able to do since I started the meds). I was beginning to think that the meds were not working or that they have slowed me down too much. I am accustom to getting a lot accomomplished daily & getting motivated has been very difficult lately. Although, I must add that I also had an allergic reaction to a primer I used that resulted in a rash & hives that I had to get a steroid shot from the doc for. OUCH! My husband also got the flu & gave it to me - all in the past two weeks. I am not sure how much of what is contributing to my lack of energy.

Regardless, I am trusting that the combination of the meds & God's word are healing me & it's what God wants me to do right now. You're right it's a powerful combination. I believe that God can divinely heal me as well without meds. I absolutely believe in the power of God's word. I know that what ever He has planned for my life, that I will glorify him regardless....on meds or off. Thanks for you prayers & blessing.

Hi Wonderwale- I agree that the success I have acquired throughout my life is due because of the way God made me....& medical science has labeled me now as ADD & BP. I am a little concerned that the passion, drive & determination that I've had will lesson to something that I am not accustom to. It's always been part of who I am. Thanks for your post.

Hi Goldenviolet - I was pleased to see you posting here. Thanks for the blessings & hugs. You're a real sweetheart. God bless!

Hi Somethingnew&different - I'm sorry for your frustration with those that 'do this all the time here'. We can agree to disagree about the power of God's word. I can only speak from experience & I believe in the word of God. My prayer for you is that God will bless you with the gift of faith to believe in His word & that He will demonstrate it's power in your life. It's great to know about your understanding wife. She's gift from heaven for you. I've got a very loving & understanding husband. You're truly blessed. Thanks for being frank. God bless

In His love & grip,
Julie

 

[alaurie]

Wow, you have had a lot going on with the flu, an allergic reaction and starting meds! And the meds certainly can make you groggy at first - the good thing is a lot of the med side effects diminish after some weeks of treatment. Another important thing to remember is that rarely does a doc hit upon the right treatment regimine right away ...there are so many med choices and we all respond differently so it can take some time. It took my doctor and me nearly a year.

And your mentor sounds great. One of the most helpful books to me has been Praying God's Word by Beth Moore. She's written chapters and beautiful scripture based prayers specific for different stronghold areas of life including depression. What I love most about the book is her introductory material about strongholds in a Christian's walk and how we can approach these as more of a reliance on the Lord rather than a focus on the devil. The woman can teach and encourage!

From your first post, I couldn't help notice your age and all the things you've accomplished in your life. My story isn't the same, but I graduated with a 3.7 GPA Biology major, Chemistry minor in 1989 and finished a Master's degree with a 3.9 (all grades 4.0 scale) in Human Nutrition/Dietetics a few years later. I could push unbelievably to accomplish my goals until about age 36. Apparently around age 40, the aging BPII brain unravels a bit. I spent some time yesterday looking for a psychiatrist's theory I read a few years ago that made a good bit of sense to me - wanted to share it with you. It's from a psychopharmacology tips site for docs...

Stable hypomania seems to be an entity in search of a researcher. I've never read about it, but in over twenty years of practice I've seen enough of it to respect its existence. If they are bright, they may have exceptionally productive professional careers, but their personal lives are often shambles. They typically come to me around age 40 when (due to declining cortical predominance?) their moodiness becomes a source of distress to them. They may decompensate into major depression after overreaching themselves, as demonstrated by bankruptcy, reversal of professional reputation, or rupture of an important relationship. I don't often see one go into true mania. They seem to benefit largely from lithium or other mood-stabilizers. These need to be administered with a light touch because such high-functioning persons are quite sensitive to feeling slowed down. A 12-hour lithium level of 0.5 or 0.6 is often plenty. Note that their complaint about the medicine often takes the following form: "I can't accomplish nearly what I'm accustomed to; after only 10 or 12 hours of work, I'm tired and want to sit down!" It takes a while for them to see that the tortoise-and-hare phenomenon now applies to their career, which may have gone like a jackrabbit previously.

It may be helpful to discuss this with your doctor - that you need to start with low doses and gradually adjust to not relying on the pace of hypomania to accomplish your goals. From all I've read (and seen in my 'in denial' bipolar family members) it's the loss of the high octane energy of mania/hypomania that cause many people to reject treatment.

And BTW - lithium didn't do squat for me, but low dose Depakote extended release twice a day, and low dose Seroquel at bedtime finally was my 'right mix'. For the past two years, I've slept regularly for the first time in my life (have had bipolar related insomnia since infancy, but didn't know the cause until getting the diagnosis a few years ago).


Again, God Bless!

Laurie



ps - I checked out your homepage link - you're an amazing artist!!! and have such an incredible testimony. From what I've read about you, all you learn and experience with this new (I can't personally call bipolar a trial) stage of your journey will eventually help you comfort and minister to others in a new way.

 

[julietheartist]

Hi Laurie,

Thank you very much for insight & experiential sharing. You hit the nail right on the head as far as what I am experiencing. I am also experiencing difficulty sleeping & then it's real hard for me to wake up.....or shall I say get up. I used to get up around 5:30 to fix my husband breakfast & then to do my quiet time & walk. I can hardly get myself up around 10am (& to sleep by 2am) - but I'm forcing myself to get up - although I then struggle with the feeling of guilt because I stayed in bed so long. Unfortunately, then I just want to rush into my day & not take much time for me & Lord (the quicky devotions) 'cause I feel like I've lost time = unproductivity.

As far as the ministry, I am bit confused about how much I should minister right now. (I know confusion comes from the enemy - please hear me out). My therapist keeps telling me that I shouldn't minister until I am healed more & a close confident that is in ministry is telling me to take time out for me, but then I watched on tv last night a preacher talking about the need for us to help someone when we feel down & out - to not let that stop us. He spoke about how our society (even the church) is telling us to focus on us first & Jesus says to focus on others then us. I know there has to be balance & it is such that I'm seeking spiritually, physically, mentally, & medically. I'm praying that God only allow opportunities that are from Him to come to me - to keep the evil from me & give me the strength & wisdom to do so in a manner that is glorifying to Him.

Thanks for the compliments on my artwork. It was only since May 2005 that I have had the opportunity to seriously do it full time & God keeps opening doors for me. It's been my lifelong passion & the past month has resulted in a struggle for me to create & teach. Although the teaching brings me great satisfaction when I do. I have commissions to work on & it's been difficult to get the motivation to do it. Something that has been very bothersome to me & has caused me to question the medication & diagnosis. I feel that what you have shared with me gives me hope that it won't stay like this.

Bless you my dear sister & thank you again.

In His Grip,
Julie

p.s. You are absolutely right about this new stage or journey & how it will enable me to minister better to those I reach out to. Almost all the women that I have worked with & known in the industry have been diagnosed with the same, if not more. It was always an area before that I, with not much sympathy, would tell them that God can overcome the meds....LOL....then God put me a position of being diagnosed & placed on meds. He works like that sometimes, doesn't He? Good thing that ALL things work together for the good to those who love Him.

 

[alaurie]

I think you can minister wherever you are so long as you pray (and have others pray) for lots of discernment - realizing that mania, even hypomania, can cause disordered thinking and sometimes grandiose spiritual ideas. Make sure it's the Lord speaking and not the mania/hypomania.

A prayer from Beth Moore's book

Blessed, merciful God, Your Word promises that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, I will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with me. (Ps. 126:5-6) Help me to see that the promise is not made to those who simply have tears but to those who are willing to sow seed in the midst of their tears. Your Word tells us in Luke 8:11 that the seed is the Word. If I'm willing to keep believing and sowing Your Word, even when I am desperately hurting, You will bring me forth from the difficult season with songs of joy.

 

[julietheartist]

A prayer from Beth Moore's book

Blessed, merciful God, Your Word promises that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. If I go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, I will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with me. (Ps. 126:5-6) Help me to see that the promise is not made to those who simply have tears but to those who are willing to sow seed in the midst of their tears. Your Word tells us in Luke 8:11 that the seed is the Word. If I'm willing to keep believing and sowing Your Word, even when I am desperately hurting, You will bring me forth from the difficult season with songs of joy.

Hi Laurie,

I most definitely have to get the book. It was while doing one of Beth Moore's studies that God gave me the name of the ministry He entrusted to me. I think that prayer is key to ministry involvement. I trust God to be in control of those opportunities & that He'll give me the protection, wisdom & discernment to recognize them as such.

I seem to have come out of the slump & was back to the 'old' productive me the past couple of days. I found emails in my inbox that I just couldn't respond to ( because I didn't have the energy) from the middle of December that I was able to get caught up with today. Actually I got through all of them & completed the long put off task of our E-Newsletter over the weekend. Thank God. I'm going to take the quote you sent me to my doctor for our appointment this week.

I'm still having trouble falling asleep - hence my late nite response. When I'm operating @ what I will refer to as 'full capacity' I am usually sound asleep @ this time. I look forward to getting back to 'normal' nights of sleep without any sleeping aids. I certainly appreciate your prayers & advice.

In His grip,
Julie

 

[wonderwaleye]

Because of your makeup and the kind of person you are you need not fear being a success in whatever it is that you do.

Think of in this way, you now will slow to a pace where you can give your actions more thought to do an even better job. The meds don't take your GIFTS away from you, they just keep you from burning up.

 

[vincejohn]

Talented people enter these mentally depressive episodes because we need acreditation from the world. This is wrong and goes against Jesus teachings about selling our souls to the world. I am a talented songwriter singer been on tele radio have even made women go gaga. Once i tasted this i wanted more which is the way most people are. But God will never let this happen to his children. We should be happy to use our talents gifts for humble purposes and accept this..and then healing in peoples lives who suffer this specific type of what I call talent frustration illness can get better.
Not everyone will be elvis ,the beatles, einstein, calvin klein, or a top proffessor or doctor. You are you work with what you got and never sell out to the devil. I did sell out to the devil once and that was the beginning of my down hood spiral. Jesus saves.

 

[alaurie]

Talented people enter these mentally depressive episodes because we need acreditation from the world. This is wrong and goes against Jesus teachings about selling our souls to the world. I am a talented songwriter singer been on tele radio have even made women go gaga. Once i tasted this i wanted more which is the way most people are. But God will never let this happen to his children. We should be happy to use our talents gifts for humble purposes and accept this..and then healing in peoples lives who suffer this specific type of what I call talent frustration illness can get better.
Not everyone will be elvis ,the beatles, einstein, calvin klein, or a top proffessor or doctor. You are you work with what you got and never sell out to the devil. I did sell out to the devil once and that was the beginning of my down hood spiral. Jesus saves.

You probably didn't mean your post to sound as condeming as it seems of talented people (and sort of prideful of your spirituality now), but it's reading that way to me and I'm feeling icky and judgemental towards you. ...I'll go pray about it. (edited to say -have prayed and will keep on )I do ask you to please remember not every talented bipolar person may have experienced the things you have, nor have seen the need to re-label their diagnosis. Many accept it, turn to God, His people, and the gifts He's given us of medicine through His pre-fall command to "subdue the earth", and go on to have stable lives that allow them to use their talents to His glory.

Bipolar indviduals are often very talented, but still have an inherited disordered brain chemistry that can cause symptoms that manifest as sins whether it's the hypersexuality, religious grandiosity, anger of mania or the suicidal thoughts of depression. To me they actually become sins of much greater ownership after a problem is recognized (usually because of a Christian's concerns over the sinful manifestations) and a person isn't working with time in the Word, prayer, accountablity, and medicine to stabilize ups and downs.

It's hard with bipolar to separate what's spiritual and what is neurochemical until a person is at a place of some stability with proper treatment. And I happen to believe God's grace and loving kindness are big enough to cover us while we're working in the right direction.



This neurochemical genetic diagnosis is accepted by mainstream Christian physicians and counselors. The Christians you're most likely to find that don't agree with proven medical science are the people who've bought into something like a "prosperity theology" (enough-faith-can-heal-anything) though the apostle Paul was denied healing, Christian Science type thinking, or by untreated bipolar Christians with disordered thinking.

 

[julietheartist]

From a spritual perspective, acknowledging that we do not wrestle with flesh & blood, but with spirits & principalities of darkness, attacks against us come in our weak areas. Satan & his coherts don't attack us where we are strong, so being bi-polar, satan will attack us in our weakened areas (which we from science & experience know what they are)- which may result in sin....like anyone else bi-polar or not. Knowledge is power. Knowledge to know our weaknesses & the wisdom to use the word of God to combat it. Not just head knowledge.

I've been experiencing a slugglish or lethargic feeling & my doctor has decided to have me stop the bi-polar meds & see how the anti-depressant alone works. He said we will try something else once we get me stabalized energy wise as far as meds for the bi-polar.

Maintaining & trusting Him,
Julie