Really struggling right now

WinglessDragon said:

So just so you know I'm not christian, I practice pagan spirtuality, but I am open to any advice and I am not quite sure why I am posting here but here I am.

I have a lot of issues with depression, anxiety, and self harm. But being 18 one thing I'm struggling with is thinking about my future. My parents are divorced- it was an incredibly difficult time for me. I respect their descision and see some good has come out of it, whether or not I believe it was the right descision is not up for me to judge.

When I am in a good state of mind I realize that one thing I really want in life is to have a family of my own, to have a happy marriage, kids, etc. When I was a kid, I thought that this dream waa simple and was bound to happen. Now, I'm wondering if I am just too naive. My family is broken up, I dont have a good relationship with relatives...I'm worried that the same thing will happen to me. That the dream of having a happy marriage and family just isn't the reality of life. I know I'm probably just being stupid. Idk. Idek why I'm posting this or why I signed up for this forum. I guess I'm just sick of nobody realizing that I'm struggling, and nobody really understanding how depressed I feel. I pretend Im fine and then Im always there for my friends when they're struggling, but when I tell them I'm having dark thoughts they shrug it off and complain to me about their problems. I love to help but I feel like no one cares about me. Maybe I dont deserve someome caring.

Sorry that was a stupid rant and yea I'm tired probably not making any sense I mean, why would a pagan ask for advice on a christian forum? Idk. I just need advice I guess. Feeling really depressed

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I'll pray much for you, and don't feel ashame of asking for help or a lending ear from anyone.I've been there, and that mentality is self-sabotage in getting the help you need. So you posting was a brave and helpful thing for you.

I have a book that I want to recommend, its called " Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World". Although I get that you are pagan, yes this is a Christian book, this book will shed light on a lot of what you are going through and how everyday life affects our spirit. You will learn alot, and if you are open to reading it, I recommend it highly.

One example is that we fear thinking thoughts that we ought not to think, and subscribe ourselves to failure just because of thinking certain stuff. He will challenge you to not operate in fear, which is where alot of the anxiety comes from.

Another book, non christian, is The Depression Cure by Stephen S llardi. He's a doctor who dealt with alot of patients who had severe depression, and he wrote this book in hope that people can take certain steps towards their depression healthwise. So recommended lifestyle changes and stuff like diet is also involved.

These two books has helped me tremendously. They are relatively short reads and are often good reference book to go back to.

Life, especially if you're coming from a fast pace environment like mine in NYC, is draining for anyone. So you're not alone, I guarantee that many of your friend and family going through the same thing. Don't be afraid to talk to someone, they may surprise you. You are also loved, and you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you are of tremedous value, so take care of yourself and the body mind and spirit you have been given.

God loves you. I hope you see that I love you too. I understand what you are struggling with and it's true. People are losing heart and they can't sustain fulfilling relationships because they are broken. God wants to restore us to our natural selves so that we can truly have love for one another. The vision you have is from God and in God you will have it. I believe this but I only wish you would put your trust in him. He is able to cleanse you from all impurities and make you joyful. If you surrender to his will and design by putting him first and foremost then God will help you himself.

I pray that this finds you well and that you seek the things which are above.

So sorry to learn that you are depressed. I struggle with anxiety myself. Please don't practice self-harm. It does seem to be more of a problem than people realize.

WinglessDragon said:

So just so you know I'm not christian, I practice pagan spirtuality, but I am open to any advice and I am not quite sure why I am posting here but here I am.

I have a lot of issues with depression, anxiety, and self harm. But being 18 one thing I'm struggling with is thinking about my future. My parents are divorced- it was an incredibly difficult time for me. I respect their descision and see some good has come out of it, whether or not I believe it was the right descision is not up for me to judge.

When I am in a good state of mind I realize that one thing I really want in life is to have a family of my own, to have a happy marriage, kids, etc. When I was a kid, I thought that this dream waa simple and was bound to happen. Now, I'm wondering if I am just too naive. My family is broken up, I dont have a good relationship with relatives...I'm worried that the same thing will happen to me. That the dream of having a happy marriage and family just isn't the reality of life. I know I'm probably just being stupid. Idk. Idek why I'm posting this or why I signed up for this forum. I guess I'm just sick of nobody realizing that I'm struggling, and nobody really understanding how depressed I feel. I pretend Im fine and then Im always there for my friends when they're struggling, but when I tell them I'm having dark thoughts they shrug it off and complain to me about their problems. I love to help but I feel like no one cares about me. Maybe I dont deserve someome caring.

Sorry that was a stupid rant and yea I'm tired probably not making any sense I mean, why would a pagan ask for advice on a christian forum? Idk. I just need advice I guess. Feeling really depressed

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From experience, children from divorced parents tend and need to grow faster. What you are experiencing might be an awakening season. That season often happens when someone enters a new decade, not everyone responds well, but it is up you to decide what to do.

When I read your post these verses came to mind.

Hosea 2:14-23

But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt. When that day comes,” says the Lord, “you will call me ‘my husband’ instead of ‘my master.’ O Israel, I will wipe the many names of Baal (other gods) from your lips, and you will never mention them again. On that day I will make a covenant with all the wild animals and the birds of the sky and the animals that scurry along the ground so they will not harm you. I will remove all weapons of war from the land, all swords and bows, so you can live unafraid in peace and safety. I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord. “In that day, I will answer,” says the Lord. “I will answer the sky as it pleads for clouds. And the sky will answer the earth with rain. Then the earth will answer the thirsty cries of the grain, the grapevines, and the olive trees. And they in turn will answer, ‘Jezreel’—‘God plants!’ At that time I will plant a crop of Israelites and raise them for myself. I will show love to those I called ‘Not loved.’ And to those I called ‘Not my people,’ I will say, ‘Now you are my people.’ And they will reply, ‘You are our God!’”

Love you ❤️

Depression, anxiety etc etc. Its a hidden curse. It eats away from the inside. Left untreated it can cause mayhem.

Firstly, seek medical help. You are not alone. I suffer too. Get checked out and set on the right path medically.

Also, you are very young. The world is your oyster. Make changes to your life now. Seek out God. Ask for His guidance. I know you are an atheist but you got drawn to this site for a reason. God is calling you. He loves you.

WinglessDragon said:

So just so you know I'm not christian, I practice pagan spirtuality, but I am open to any advice and I am not quite sure why I am posting here but here I am.

I have a lot of issues with depression, anxiety, and self harm. But being 18 one thing I'm struggling with is thinking about my future. My parents are divorced- it was an incredibly difficult time for me. I respect their descision and see some good has come out of it, whether or not I believe it was the right descision is not up for me to judge.

When I am in a good state of mind I realize that one thing I really want in life is to have a family of my own, to have a happy marriage, kids, etc. When I was a kid, I thought that this dream waa simple and was bound to happen. Now, I'm wondering if I am just too naive. My family is broken up, I dont have a good relationship with relatives...I'm worried that the same thing will happen to me. That the dream of having a happy marriage and family just isn't the reality of life. I know I'm probably just being stupid. Idk. Idek why I'm posting this or why I signed up for this forum. I guess I'm just sick of nobody realizing that I'm struggling, and nobody really understanding how depressed I feel. I pretend Im fine and then Im always there for my friends when they're struggling, but when I tell them I'm having dark thoughts they shrug it off and complain to me about their problems. I love to help but I feel like no one cares about me. Maybe I dont deserve someome caring.

Sorry that was a stupid rant and yea I'm tired probably not making any sense I mean, why would a pagan ask for advice on a christian forum? Idk. I just need advice I guess. Feeling really depressed

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Hi WinglessDragon, first off, I see that you're brand new around here, so WELCOME TO CF

That said, I am sorry to hear about the many things you are struggling with. Praying for you now!

18 is often one of the toughest ages to live through, so be sure to give yourself (and others) a really big break, as things will get better and more balanced in the not too distant future I am happy to report Oddly, my parents separated and divorced when I was 18 too. The thing is, they needed to (my dad was a bad alcoholic and a philanderer). So I spent my 20's thinking that I would never marry (because the principle example I had to judge marriage by looked 'horrible' to me ).

Then, at age 30, I finally became a Christian. I say finally, because I was raised in the church (so to speak). I was baptized as an infant, attended Sunday School, was confirmed, went on retreats, sang in the choir, and attended regularly through high school, you know, the whole 9 yards. And I loved church, so I always 'thought' I was a Christian (why wouldn't I have), until the day I actually became one, that is.

I'm telling you all this because when I finally became a Christian and returned to church (a different denomination and local church than I'd grown up in), the first thing I noticed were all of these loving married couples with the kind of marriages that I always 'thought' people should have. So I began to think about getting married again (because now I really liked what I saw ), and not too many months later I began to date the woman I was soon to marry (and will still be married to 30 years later this August 6th, in fact ).

So don't give up on marriage just because of your parents' poor example, because I can tell you from personal experience that your dream of having a happy marriage and family can become a reality for you too

As far as no one caring about you (or you somehow thinking that you don't even deserve to have someone care about you), put those thoughts out of your mind right now. Even though you are not a Christian, the One who created you (Jesus Christ, who also walked among us a man about 2 millennia ago), cared enough about you to come here and die for you and me too (so that He wouldn't have to live apart from you, or you apart from Him, in the age to come .. we can talk more about why He did that a little later if you'd like to).

As for coming to this Christian site as a pagan, no worries at all, as we Christians are kind of in the business of caring for others, Christian and everyone else, and you are most welcome here

If you have any questions (about Christianity or about anything else for that matter), or if you'd like us to pray for you, ask away, or if you just want to talk, we would be happy to listen.

Yours and His,
David
p.s. - I agree with Lost4Words thought that it may well be the Lord Himself who is drawing you here (He definitely did that with me 32 years ago .. though I must admit that I didn't recognize His involvement in my life until after I became a Christian.

*(Also, sorry about this essay length reply I didn't realize how long it had gotten until I posted it)

WinglessDragon said:

So just so you know I'm not christian, I practice pagan spirtuality, but I am open to any advice and I am not quite sure why I am posting here but here I am.

I have a lot of issues with depression, anxiety, and self harm. But being 18 one thing I'm struggling with is thinking about my future. My parents are divorced- it was an incredibly difficult time for me. I respect their descision and see some good has come out of it, whether or not I believe it was the right descision is not up for me to judge.

When I am in a good state of mind I realize that one thing I really want in life is to have a family of my own, to have a happy marriage, kids, etc. When I was a kid, I thought that this dream waa simple and was bound to happen. Now, I'm wondering if I am just too naive. My family is broken up, I dont have a good relationship with relatives...I'm worried that the same thing will happen to me. That the dream of having a happy marriage and family just isn't the reality of life. I know I'm probably just being stupid. Idk. Idek why I'm posting this or why I signed up for this forum. I guess I'm just sick of nobody realizing that I'm struggling, and nobody really understanding how depressed I feel. I pretend Im fine and then Im always there for my friends when they're struggling, but when I tell them I'm having dark thoughts they shrug it off and complain to me about their problems. I love to help but I feel like no one cares about me. Maybe I dont deserve someome caring.

Sorry that was a stupid rant and yea I'm tired probably not making any sense I mean, why would a pagan ask for advice on a christian forum? Idk. I just need advice I guess. Feeling really depressed

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Your not being stupid. You are reacting to the fact your parents have divorced and that is ok. You deserve someone to listen to you and to care about you.

First off, I think its important to remember you're 18. growing up is hard and it isn't always clear what direction you should take so its often better to take small steps at a time and one day you'll look back and realise how for you've come. I know it's not going to be much consolation for what you feel right now and what you've been through but there is a whole lot of years ahead of you and there is nothing to say that your parents experience will be your own.

Probably you will have many relationships, and you'll remember each of them for something special and worthwhile for being with them. If you enjoy being with someone, then you'll stay with them and work through the issues you have with them. Being able to share your problems with someone brings you closer to them and its what makes relationship last in the long-run. Its a mixture of having fun, being able to talk to them and sharing your vulnerable side and putting the work in what its needed. I'm not going to say it's easy, but your parents experience is not inevitable.

Second, you don't have to respect your parents decision. they obviously made mistakes and you got hurt being caught up in the middle of it. you can say what you really think and there is nothing wrong with that. In the long-run its probably more healthy to be open about how you feel so you can process it better. Its pretty likely that deep down you feel robbed and angry because that sense of security and innocence you had when you were a kid got taken away from you. At a guess, that cloud is hanging over you and not having anyone to talk to only makes you feel worse.

Sadly, depression and anxiety are now really common so your friends will probably go through it at some stage if they aren't having it already. Its worth talking to a counsellor or a therapist if you can and there is no shame in doing so, but the internet can be a great place to unload as well. The anonymity means you can be much more open about things that you would otherwise be offline around people who know you and you may be scared of the consequences of saying what you really think and feel.

As a Pagan you are more than entitled to use the forums, although you will only be able to post in non-christian areas. I'm an atheist so my instinct isn't to hang around Christians either, but the forum is organised in such a way that members are able to offer each other support. That is pretty unusual and means its well worth staying here even if you are not a Christian (both because helping people in nice and you can get support if you need it). So I get to avoid the really controversial debates and get to do the most rewarding stuff too- which is kind of a win-win for me.

Anyways, Welcome to the forums, I hope you stick around and we can make life a little easier for you.

There is much sound advice here, friend. Your feelings are understandable considering what you have been through. It happens to a lot of young people who experience a broken up family.
You are trying to find peace, and a way to adjust to all of this, and Christianity is one of the better choices ---not just for salvation of your eternal soul, but for the peace of mind in having fellowship with those who care, and the truly real relationship with the One who created this world and all mankind. HE IS REAL!

If you can think of spiritualism, then you should be able to think upon the Spirit of God which is beyond Satan's domain of "spiritualism" and deceit. Why not see what our Creator-God wants to say to you, and read His "Word of truth" in the Bible? The first place I ever read in a Bible over sixty years ago, was John 14, and I have been forever glad I was lead to that. It not only gave me understandings, but a true relationship with my Creator, when I surrendered my heart to Him and learned of His salvation in Jesus, the Christ.

First, one needs to see we do have a Creator; He cares; He did send His "...beloved Son: the Lord Jesus to redeem us to Himself. Believe me, that is REAL! God has not left us alone, but gave us His written Word and promises. If you will sit down in a quiet place and begin reading in the New Testament of the Bible (preferably the Gospel of John as a overview), you will hear God speaking to you there. Write me if you wish to talk, and speak to God if you want His counsel. I will pray for you.