(Cross-posted to Women's Discussion)
My man and I have had a falling out lately.
His lupus really changed him more than he would admit for a long time, and I found myself dissatisfied with those changes. I agreed to marry him before the lupus, before these changes. Before the strain of this illness wreaked havoc over his personality and he started complaining about everything and throwing me his once or twice daily pity parties. Before his anxiety disorder grew so severe that he could not get a job, and when he did could only work 2 hours a day. I began to despise who had become, hiding it under the cloak of commitment. I loved him because I said I'd stay with him. I loved him because I'd said I'd marry him.
But I had fallen out of love with him.
A good marriage needs both the commitment and being in love with the person. We decided to break off the engagement and work on falling in love with each other all over again. There are still vestiges of the man I fell in love with there... hopefully in this next time he can take those and mold them with the good qualities he is striving to acheive. Such as, he finally figured out why he panics all the time on the job, and next chance he gets he is going to implement changes to his thoughts. He is willing to work into a man I could be proud of.
Deep in our hearts we still know that we are the right one for each other. But I want to make sure that I am in love with him for who he is now before I marry him.
So we have broken off the engagement for now, but not the relationship, and when the time is right he will ask me to marry him again, sporting a new ring, symbolizing the new commitment to him as he is NOW, not to who he used to be.
My man and I have had a falling out lately.
His lupus really changed him more than he would admit for a long time, and I found myself dissatisfied with those changes. I agreed to marry him before the lupus, before these changes. Before the strain of this illness wreaked havoc over his personality and he started complaining about everything and throwing me his once or twice daily pity parties. Before his anxiety disorder grew so severe that he could not get a job, and when he did could only work 2 hours a day. I began to despise who had become, hiding it under the cloak of commitment. I loved him because I said I'd stay with him. I loved him because I'd said I'd marry him.
But I had fallen out of love with him.
A good marriage needs both the commitment and being in love with the person. We decided to break off the engagement and work on falling in love with each other all over again. There are still vestiges of the man I fell in love with there... hopefully in this next time he can take those and mold them with the good qualities he is striving to acheive. Such as, he finally figured out why he panics all the time on the job, and next chance he gets he is going to implement changes to his thoughts. He is willing to work into a man I could be proud of.
Deep in our hearts we still know that we are the right one for each other. But I want to make sure that I am in love with him for who he is now before I marry him.
So we have broken off the engagement for now, but not the relationship, and when the time is right he will ask me to marry him again, sporting a new ring, symbolizing the new commitment to him as he is NOW, not to who he used to be.