My past with bipolar disorder runs as far back as I can remember and runs extremely deep. Last year, I found myself feeling like I had control for once in my life. However, as of late, I am losing control and it's terrifying. My days are constantly ruined and people are often hurt simply because of a drastic change in thought and mood. It seems like it becomes increasingly hard for others who don't have this disorder to understand and I continually beat myself up for making others miserable - even though I often can't help what happens. I know people say "yes you can help it." But in all actuality, it seems that you can't. Please pray that my engagement and relationship with the one's whom I love are not destroyed and I can regain control and give it to God. Please, if you have any advice, books to read that help, or any comments please let me know. Thank you brothers and sisters. God bless you all.