E
Emmers87
Guest
In March of this year, I was raped by my sister's ex boyfriend. He is 27, I am 19. I was a virgin before this happened. I had been out with my sister earlier that night, drinking(I don't drink anymore), and I stayed at her place that night. She told me she was going to come and hop into bed in a few minutes, that she just had to do something. Well, I was pretty drunk and didn't find it hard to fall asleep. Not much time had passed when I was awoken by my sister's phone ringing next to her bed. I couldn't see her anywhere so I decided to answer it. It was her ex boyfriend and he said he was looking for my sister and that he was outside the door. So, I let him in and said that I didn't know where she was. I had a look around the house and still couldn't see her, so I told him he could stay and wait for a while in case she turned up.
He asked for some wine and we sat and talked for quite a while. I don't remember much of what happened after that, but I have small memories of him trying to kiss me, and trying to get me to go back to his place. I remember him pulling me by the hand down a street, and I had no idea where we were going, or why for that matter. The next thing I knew he was was having sex with me, and it hurt like hell. I tried to move out from underneath him but he just followed. I screamed out from the pain but he kept putting his hand over my mouth and saying "Shhh". I didn't know what to do. I never told him to stop, or said no, but I knew that it was pretty obvious to him that I didn't want it. I passed out and woke up again, and he had just stopped, and for some reason he said "You were great", which sickened me.
I got up and left. I found my way to my sister's house and she was nowhere to be seen. I discovered that I was bleeding alot, and I didn't know what to do. I thought about going to the police, but I didn't want my sister to know, and also I didn't think that they would believe me, especially since I never actually said the words 'no' or 'stop' to him that I can remember.
Anyway, eventually my sister came home, and she asked me why I had been crying. I broke down crying again, and just said "I didn't want to...". She asked me what I was talking about, and I decided I couldn't tell her what happened. I changed the subject and asked her where she had been all night. She told me she had gone to the riverfront and had been drinking. I told her that her ex had come over looking for her, but not what he had done. She looked weird and said "He didn't do anything to you did he?" and I said no. She kept asking, and I kept saying No.
A few months later, she called me and told me that she knew. She said that she was sorry for leaving me there drunk, alone, and I said that it wasn't her fault. She said that he had told her what happened, and that he wanted me to know that he was sorry. She then told me that he 'just goes crazy when he drinks. He does crazy things and doesn't know what he's doing.' She then told me that she had been raped six months earlier, that she was completely sober when it happened and that I should be glad that I didn't remember most of it.
There was just something about what she said that really got to me. I mean, I felt extremely bad and horrified to learn what had happened to her, but at the same time, because of the way that she said I felt almost as though she was playing down what had happened to me, as if it were something that I shouldn't feel so bad about, and that it was a miniscule event on her scale of things. It really hurt for some reason.
She is still today friends with him. She even invited him to her birthday party and made me leave early so that I wouldn't have to see him. She said that she was trying to protect me from him. I don't understand why or how she could continue her friendship with him after what he did to me. If the situation were reversed and I was in her shoes I would want to kill him. I would cut him off and never speak to him again. On top of it all, I feel as if I can't talk to her about it. I have tried once before but she went all quite and then talked about what happened to her when she was raped.
I don't want to seem unreasonable or anything, but it just HURTS SO BAD that she is still friends with him and acts as if everything is all right.
She is the only other person who knows what happened, and because I can't talk to her about it, there is no one else, so I have nobody to talk to and let out how I feel. She just really does not want to know about it. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've held it all in over all this time and if I do this any longer, I am going to start to have mental problems.
I almost feel as if she wants to think that nothing ever happened. And I start to doubt myself and think that I actually wanted it in the first place or that it was my fault.
Actually, pretty much the whole time I have felt that it was my fault. That is why I cut myself over and over again. I have managed to stop cutting, but I still feel like punishing/destroying myself. I think about dying or just going someplace else, anywhere, starting over and forgetting everything and everyone in my past, including my family.
I think I need some serious help. I just have no one I can talk to about this and I feel as if I'm going to have a complete breakdown.
Please, at least give me advice on how I can talk to my sister about this, and tell her how I feel. Please... I think there is something very wrong with me. I really need prayer.
He asked for some wine and we sat and talked for quite a while. I don't remember much of what happened after that, but I have small memories of him trying to kiss me, and trying to get me to go back to his place. I remember him pulling me by the hand down a street, and I had no idea where we were going, or why for that matter. The next thing I knew he was was having sex with me, and it hurt like hell. I tried to move out from underneath him but he just followed. I screamed out from the pain but he kept putting his hand over my mouth and saying "Shhh". I didn't know what to do. I never told him to stop, or said no, but I knew that it was pretty obvious to him that I didn't want it. I passed out and woke up again, and he had just stopped, and for some reason he said "You were great", which sickened me.
I got up and left. I found my way to my sister's house and she was nowhere to be seen. I discovered that I was bleeding alot, and I didn't know what to do. I thought about going to the police, but I didn't want my sister to know, and also I didn't think that they would believe me, especially since I never actually said the words 'no' or 'stop' to him that I can remember.
Anyway, eventually my sister came home, and she asked me why I had been crying. I broke down crying again, and just said "I didn't want to...". She asked me what I was talking about, and I decided I couldn't tell her what happened. I changed the subject and asked her where she had been all night. She told me she had gone to the riverfront and had been drinking. I told her that her ex had come over looking for her, but not what he had done. She looked weird and said "He didn't do anything to you did he?" and I said no. She kept asking, and I kept saying No.
A few months later, she called me and told me that she knew. She said that she was sorry for leaving me there drunk, alone, and I said that it wasn't her fault. She said that he had told her what happened, and that he wanted me to know that he was sorry. She then told me that he 'just goes crazy when he drinks. He does crazy things and doesn't know what he's doing.' She then told me that she had been raped six months earlier, that she was completely sober when it happened and that I should be glad that I didn't remember most of it.
There was just something about what she said that really got to me. I mean, I felt extremely bad and horrified to learn what had happened to her, but at the same time, because of the way that she said I felt almost as though she was playing down what had happened to me, as if it were something that I shouldn't feel so bad about, and that it was a miniscule event on her scale of things. It really hurt for some reason.
She is still today friends with him. She even invited him to her birthday party and made me leave early so that I wouldn't have to see him. She said that she was trying to protect me from him. I don't understand why or how she could continue her friendship with him after what he did to me. If the situation were reversed and I was in her shoes I would want to kill him. I would cut him off and never speak to him again. On top of it all, I feel as if I can't talk to her about it. I have tried once before but she went all quite and then talked about what happened to her when she was raped.
I don't want to seem unreasonable or anything, but it just HURTS SO BAD that she is still friends with him and acts as if everything is all right.
She is the only other person who knows what happened, and because I can't talk to her about it, there is no one else, so I have nobody to talk to and let out how I feel. She just really does not want to know about it. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've held it all in over all this time and if I do this any longer, I am going to start to have mental problems.
I almost feel as if she wants to think that nothing ever happened. And I start to doubt myself and think that I actually wanted it in the first place or that it was my fault.
Actually, pretty much the whole time I have felt that it was my fault. That is why I cut myself over and over again. I have managed to stop cutting, but I still feel like punishing/destroying myself. I think about dying or just going someplace else, anywhere, starting over and forgetting everything and everyone in my past, including my family.
I think I need some serious help. I just have no one I can talk to about this and I feel as if I'm going to have a complete breakdown.
Please, at least give me advice on how I can talk to my sister about this, and tell her how I feel. Please... I think there is something very wrong with me. I really need prayer.
