*rants* (really long and probaly pointless.)

[oneandlonely]

I am not doing well lately. I just feel so alone, confused, and isolated.

I hate that Mike told my parents. What good did that do?? They didn't ever talk to me about it. Yeah, for a while, they where kinder to me. But that only lasted a few weeks. I think that they have chosen to just ignore that it is happening, maybe they think it will just go away. I don't know what to think. I don't really want to talk to them about it, but I just wish they wouldn't completely ignore it. I don't know anymore.

I am so tired of everyone, including a few of my friends, telling me to just cheer up and be happy because my life isn't that bad. I can't! I am sorry! I can't just "be happy!". I wish I could, I would have done it months ago! it is not like I like feeling this depressed and sad. I just wish my friends would understand that.

I hate that when I am struggling the most, and I need support, I am scared to call anyone because i don't know what to say to them. I just don't know how to talk about things sometimes. It is so hard to put things into words. It is easier to cut, and get things out that way. In a way, I am isolating myself. I know that, but I don't really know what to say anymore.

I am so tired of telling my friends that i am not doing well. Why can't I just have a good day? I am so tired of being this way. I don't feel like I am getting better, I feel like things are slowly getting worse.

Saturday, I am going to try and talk to Ambry (my youth pastor's wife) about my past. There are some things that happened to me in the past, I don't like to admit to this, but I was abused. Lately, I can't get the memories out of my head. The only person I have told about this is Mr.cheese. But lately, this is what is triggering me the most. I can't get myself to call anyone when i am triggered from this, because i don't want to tell them about the abuse over the phone. So i want to tell someone about this. But at the same time I am so ashamed about this! And I don't want my parents to know yet, I don't want to talk to them about it. I don't know what to do

I just feel so hopeless lately.

Earlier, I was thinking about my life 2 years ago. I wasn't "happy", but I was OK. I didn't feel so depressed. I wasn't struggling to just get thought the day. No, my life wasn't perfect, but it wasn't this bad. I hate thinking about the happy memories. I hate thinking about the times when I actually got along with my parents. No, we weren't best friends, but we didn't fight all of the time. It is painful for me to think about how much I have changed. I just don't know anymore. I feel like I am letting everyone around me down. I remember last fall my parents telling me that I was the one that they always thought had it all together, and it hurt them to find out otherwise. What would they feel like if they even knew the half of everything lately? I feel like I am falling apart.

I don't know where I am going really with this post. I don't know that it even makes to much sense, and I am sorry for that.

I just don't know anymore. I don't thing that I am ever going to be "OK" again. I don't know that I am ever going to get past all of this

I am sorry for this long pointless post

Bethany

 

[daveleau]

It's not pointless.
Try to find something that you enjoy, and whenever you find yourself feeling down, focus your mind on that task or hobby. It could be anything, but is best if it is something that will be beneficial to your life, because the fact that you are doing something productive will help your self-esteem.
Try running/ jogging/ biking. This will allow you to get our of the house and see the beautiful world around you.
Try reading your Bible. We can give you some uplifting verses that will help, and studying your Bible will be very beneficial to your life and in helping others once you are over these feelings.
Try learning about something you are interested in that you can actively participate in. Art, poetry, writing, something to get your feelings expressed and off your chest.
You could learn about computers, and web design. This way you could set up a blog and impart your feelings there.

The options are endless.

If you need someone to talk to, just go up to one of your friends and tell them you need cheering up. If you don't know what to say, just say that. Surely they can take your mind off whatever is bringing you down.
If you are lacking friends that can or are willing to cheer you up, talk to someone that you are close to or feel comfortable approaching in your church. They will help you and talk to you.

If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

Yours in Christ,
Dave

 

[bassdrum1]

it wasn't pointless. and i also agree with daveleau. running helps in so many ways.i know when i have those feelings that running usally gets me away from everything and the feelings. also i feel 10x better after i run. if there's anything i can do pm me. i'll try to help as much as i can. just know this, you are not alone.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

*hug*
You will get past this someday.
I'm proud of you for a lot of things.
I believe in you.

 

[Bevlina]

No post is long and pointless. You'll get through this Pet. This too shall pass.

 

[NinadeDios777]

this wasn't poinless; sometimes it helps to get things out through writing.

 

[oneandlonely]

It's not pointless.
Try to find something that you enjoy, and whenever you find yourself feeling down, focus your mind on that task or hobby. It could be anything, but is best if it is something that will be beneficial to your life, because the fact that you are doing something productive will help your self-esteem.
Try running/ jogging/ biking. This will allow you to get our of the house and see the beautiful world around you.
Try reading your Bible. We can give you some uplifting verses that will help, and studying your Bible will be very beneficial to your life and in helping others once you are over these feelings.
Try learning about something you are interested in that you can actively participate in. Art, poetry, writing, something to get your feelings expressed and off your chest.
You could learn about computers, and web design. This way you could set up a blog and impart your feelings there.

The options are endless.

If you need someone to talk to, just go up to one of your friends and tell them you need cheering up. If you don't know what to say, just say that. Surely they can take your mind off whatever is bringing you down.
If you are lacking friends that can or are willing to cheer you up, talk to someone that you are close to or feel comfortable approaching in your church. They will help you and talk to you.

If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

Yours in Christ,
Dave

Thanks Dave. I find that photography is a great thing when I am feeling bad. There are some days that I feel really bad, so i grab my camera and go for a walk. Then if I get a good shot, I feel acomplished .
I try to read my bible when i feel bad, but I just don't always know what to read *shrug*
Those are all good ideas, thanks for the encouragement

it wasn't pointless. and i also agree with daveleau. running helps in so many ways.i know when i have those feelings that running usally gets me away from everything and the feelings. also i feel 10x better after i run. if there's anything i can do pm me. i'll try to help as much as i can. just know this, you are not alone.

Thanks. I have tried running before, but it just isn't really my thing. I don't know, it just has never seemed to help me. But thanks for the encouragement

*hug*
You will get past this someday.
I'm proud of you for a lot of things.
I believe in you.

Thank you big bro *hugs back*. I really hope you are right and I will get through this.

No post is long and pointless. You'll get through this Pet. This too shall pass.

Thanks Bevlina, I hope that I will get through this. But I am just having a hard time believing it lately

this wasn't poinless; sometimes it helps to get things out through writing.

Thanks. Yeah, sometimes it helps just to have someone to hear me and understand .

Thanks everyone for your encouragement.

Bethany