Raising my son alone

[Jensi]

Hello everyone! I am 23 and i have an almost 2 year old son. I was with his biological father for 5 years before I got pregnant, but then when it happened I noticed a lot of bad things in him that i never chose to notice before. Long story short, I gave birth and the father was there. then in the past year I've seen him maybe a small handful of times.. he says he cares, but he can't seem to get his "stuff together" enough to make his way 20 miles over to see him. We stopped talking completely for 2 months, and now he is trying to talk to me again. I would rather he be out of our life altogether, but I don't know what is best for my son. He is VERY well loved by me and my parents.. but its hard to deny his biological father acces without guilt. I know all about forgiving others so that we may be forgiven.. which is why I'm just sitting here waiting on my answer from God.

Any advice?

 

[cmarie423]

If that's the case, and I know from tons of family and friends. You don't want that man in your sons life until he can prove he's actually a good father. I wouldn't feel guilty. You're the one that's there for your child and being a parent. I totally feel for you. I know how hard it must be, but just know that you're doing the absolute best for your son and God wouldn't give you a challenge you couldn't handle. I'm here if you ever need to talk.
:]

 

[Grace51]

Hello everyone! I am 23 and i have an almost 2 year old son. I was with his biological father for 5 years before I got pregnant, but then when it happened I noticed a lot of bad things in him that i never chose to notice before. Long story short, I gave birth and the father was there. then in the past year I've seen him maybe a small handful of times.. he says he cares, but he can't seem to get his "stuff together" enough to make his way 20 miles over to see him. We stopped talking completely for 2 months, and now he is trying to talk to me again. I would rather he be out of our life altogether, but I don't know what is best for my son. He is VERY well loved by me and my parents.. but its hard to deny his biological father acces without guilt. I know all about forgiving others so that we may be forgiven.. which is why I'm just sitting here waiting on my answer from God.

Any advice?

what do you mean by he can not get his stuff together?

anyway, your ex doesnt sound abusive to your child. as for not coming to see your son.

well, it could be because he doesnt love your son as much as he should, or it really could be that he has things going on in his life that he could not get together ( esp if he's in his early twenties as well).,

but i see no reason in your post that suggest he is a bad father ( abusive etc etc). a little bit absentee maybe, but not bad father.

i would suggest you confront him about his commitment in being a father to your son.

if he really have some issues was happening, then just forgive him

if he doesnt have a good reason.

then just inform him you are going give him one more chance,and he better not blow it.

you son deserves to have a relationship with his father.

 

[rturner76]

Being an absentee father IS being a bad father. It's a hard situation because you don't want to deprive a child of his father but are YOU the one depriving the child? If the father has no interest in his child he should be up front about it. I don't know him so I can't say his intentions but it sounds like the two of you have a tough conversation coming up. The first thing you will need to do is be clear about what you need. Every week? Two week? Every other day? WHatever it is decide and stand strong on it. If he can't do it it was HIS choice and not yours to be in the child's life. Figure out exactly what YOU NEED and ask for it. Maybe he is just not even clear about what is expected. It could be that simple. I pray it is. I pray he fights to be in this child's life.

 

[Grace51]

Being an absentee father IS being a bad father. It's a hard situation because you don't want to deprive a child of his father but are YOU the one depriving the child? If the father has no interest in his child he should be up front about it. I don't know him so I can't say his intentions but it sounds like the two of you have a tough conversation coming up. The first thing you will need to do is be clear about what you need. Every week? Two week? Every other day? WHatever it is decide and stand strong on it. If he can't do it it was HIS choice and not yours to be in the child's life. Figure out exactly what YOU NEED and ask for it. Maybe he is just not even clear about what is expected. It could be that simple. I pray it is. I pray he fights to be in this child's life.

you misunderstood what i meant. of course the child interest should come first. screw the dad! ( i mean we should take into account of his interest as well, but not at the expense of the child).

but what i was merely trying to say was that it is in the best interest of the child to have a father. esp if he is a boy.

that is why i told the poster she need to have a tough conversation with the dad along the line of "give you one more chance, shape up or ship out".

however, i think it is important for her to get a good understanding of what is happening for him.

if there really is a reason ( i am not saying there will definitely be) a reason other than he doesnt love the boy that keeping him away from his son.

then i think she need to take that into account.

 

[rturner76]

True, they need to talk, expectations should be made clear and all parties should have a chance to say/do their part. Most defiantly a child needs a father.

 

[gods prophetess]

wait till he can prove to be a good dad to his son and dont feeel guilty ok praying for you and your son and him ok be encouraged keep the faith

 

[IAMstillis]

sons need their fathers, my brothers father was never around, and no matter how much we try to build him up, part of him is always longing and feeling inadequate because of his fathers absence. if his dad wants to see him (as long as he is not being abusive to the child or high on drugs etc.) you should let him. You will feel better in the long run if you know that you did everything you could to give your son all he needs with respect to a paternal relationship.