Questions to ask before marriage.

[Inperfected]

Hi all!
I want to virtually do premariatal counselling before we get there, and to cover more than they will... so i decided to ask you guys for a big favor! Think of EVERY question you would want to ask before marriage, and write it in here, and for your lovely kindness to me, i will collate teh results and put it in article form on here in a week or two (or few) when i feel we are questioned out.... These questions can range from friendship based questions (what's your favourite colour? scent? drink? food?) to the more engaged type (living arragements? children?)


for my questions...
What is your favourite colour?
Can you remember my full name? (Hey i've been to a wedding where the groom forgot it)
how many children would you like?
Would you consider adopting?
What ornaments (deco's, be it candles or paintings) would you like in your house?
Would you like to travel, if so where?
What type of house would you like to live in?
What is something you've alwasy wanted to purchase, that is feasible?
Who are your best friends?
Who is God to you?
Why do you love me?
What is your favourite type of music?
What is your favourite band/song?
Describe me.
What is your idea of a fun afternoon?
Ifyou weren't going to be with me for an afternoon who would you like to be with?
Do you want to be a mother or father?
Would you like to be a Stay at home mum, or not? and why?
What is your perspective on public/homeschooling?
How long would you be married before having children?
Would you want to move overseas ever?
Where do you want to live?
Is it important to live close to family?
how will you implement the "leaving and cleaving?"

 

[seamonster]

-how important is saving money to you?
-what are your thoughts on working/having one spouse stay home with kids?
-how long do you want to wait before having children?
-what are your political views?
-would you ever want to own a weapon?
-how much time will/do you spend watching TV/on the internet/playing video games?
-how do you feel about credit cards?
-how do you feel about sex -- how often do you want it, are you OK with oral, etc?
-what are your thoughts on birth control -- ie, what's ok, what's not?
-how often do you/would you like to travel? where to?
-who will we spend holidays with?
-will we celebrate holidays such as Halloween?
-will we spank our children?
-who will be responsible for chores -- dishes, laundry, mowing, etc?
-how important is a clean house to you? is a little clutter OK?
-how do you feel about baptism?
-do you want to do daily devotionals together?
-how do you feel about praying together?
-do you want to pray before meals?
-would you ever want to go on a mission trip?

 

[chocolateloverjen]

wow, loads of questions. ive printed em out cos im gonna test some out. lol. well all but im some amount of time of course. im just gonna randomly ask em every now n then. i normally ask him questions hehehe

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Who is going to balance the checkbook, write out the checks?
Joint accounts?
If parents were no longer able to care for themselves do they move in with us, or an assisted living facility?
Tithing?
How do you feel about bankruptcy?
How much alcohol do you drink in a week?
Whose church will we go to?
How often will we have date nights? (not will we)

 

[MN John]

You might like to look at some of the questions Jan and I have been asking each other.
http://www.christianforums.com/t2457210-ask-mn-john.html and http://www.christianforums.com/t2306485-my-turn.html

 

[revrobor]

The most important question:

"Heavenly Father, is this the person YOU want me to marry?"

 

[Briseis]

wow, loads of questions. ive printed em out cos im gonna test some out. lol. well all but im some amount of time of course. im just gonna randomly ask em every now n then. i normally ask him questions hehehe

Wow, I am gonna print it too. But I am gonna wait a while and see if anyone else replies.

People, reply!

 

[seamonster]

-do you think it's important to go to church EVERY Sunday?
-how important are birthdays/holidays to you?
-how will we discipline our children?
-how often will we visit our parents (if we live far away)?
-what will we do if you/I lose your/my job?
-what plan do we have for paying off any debt we have? (student loans, car payment, etc)
-do we want to buy a house right away or live in an apartment or rented house temporarily?
-who will do the cooking? will we rotate?
-who will write checks, pay bills, etc?
-do you have any allergies?
-do you want pets? indoor or outdoor?

 

[JVD]

Have you had a previous relationship?
If so why did it break up?
Can I call your ex?
Do you have any children?
Do you ever lose your temper?
Do you ever strike something in anger?
How important are your friends?
How important is your family?
Will I come first before family and friends?

 

[eyeliv4God]

Can I call your ex?

LOL, I'm sorry, but I had to laugh at this one... why would you want to call your SO's ex?!

 

[JVD]

I know...most girls would never think of doing that. It's too intrusive etc.

But, you will learn things from the ex, that you will learn no where else. And if you are afraid to call the ex, then you are afraid to learn the truth.

Of course the ex may tell a bunch of lies as well. That raises more questions.

If you are just going with the guy for fun don't bother with the hard questions, stick with "what is your favorite breakfast?". But if you are planning to raise a family and spend the rest of your life with this person, now is the time to find out the truth, not later. Because, believe me, you WILL find out.

 

[Briseis]

I know...most girls would never think of doing that. It's too intrusive etc.

But, you will learn things from the ex, that you will learn no where else. And if you are afraid to call the ex, then you are afraid to learn the truth.

Of course the ex may tell a bunch of lies as well. That raises more questions.

If you are just going with the guy for fun don't bother with the hard questions, stick with "what is your favorite breakfast?". But if you are planning to raise a family and spend the rest of your life with this person, now is the time to find out the truth, not later. Because, believe me, you WILL find out.

I think that it is more important to find out the truth for yourself. People are different with different people, some ppl bring out the best, some bring out the worse, and of course people change with time. I know for myself that I would never call my bfs ex. In almost everyway, the person he was with her is no more. And I found that out through conversation with him, the best way. Talking to her would teach me nothing of who he is now.

 

[chocolateloverjen]

I think that it is more important to find out the truth for yourself. People are different with different people, some ppl bring out the best, some bring out the worse, and of course people change with time. I know for myself that I would never call my bfs ex. In almost everyway, the person he was with her is no more. And I found that out through conversation with him, the best way. Talking to her would teach me nothing of who he is now.

Hee. hee i asked him a few questions, he didnt suspect anything really. lol. i allways ask random questions anyway.
i know he is ok for me and i know he is the right one for me, i mean.

Last Saturday my parents took myself and my brother out, they said it was a family day out. LOL. i thought cos we never have family days out, really. so i went along with it. went to freeport. which is like half the distance to my boyfriends.i knew he wouldnt be coming cos he said hes going to wales -Gaz's his freinds for the day. I just believed him. I was in a hot chocolate shop (read username-lol) and i got a kiss on my neck, i was about to slap whoever it was but it was my Ric. awww . he came to see me, for my birthday (birthday today) . His parents came too. All got treat to lunch. Im seeing him on thurs, i cant wait cos hes bringing pressies down. YAY!

 

[YouthPastor]

What is your view on discipline (children)?

What is your view of sex (if one person think the bedroom should be a gymnasium and the other thinks sex is ONLY for reproducing - there will be issues)?

This is not a question for your partner to answer but for others:
What do any of his/her ex's say about them?

How do they treat their parents?
How do they treat their brother's and sisters?

How do they act when they are mad? upset?

 

[Inperfected]

I know...most girls would never think of doing that. It's too intrusive etc.

But, you will learn things from the ex, that you will learn no where else. And if you are afraid to call the ex, then you are afraid to learn the truth.

Well being that i am friends with the recent ex's of his, I can say i am not afraid to call the ex!

As for questions

How do you want to spend your free time when married?
Hw do you want to spend holidays when married?
What are our main three issues (these can even be things like complacency)?
How could we begin to deal with these?
How much time do you want to spend seperately (i.e. with friends)?
How much time do you need by yourself (i.e. hunting, fishing, shopping, whatever)?
How will you manage money (accounts, what for, who etc)?
How much a week do you want to save?
How much a week do you want to have for personal spending?

 

[septemberskies]

Great questions... i'm taking note

 

[Inperfected]

So honestly how many family members do your parents need at the wedding?
And you?

 

[NLRnlr]

Taking note of all these they are very good.Thanks

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I think that it is more important to find out the truth for yourself. People are different with different people, some ppl bring out the best, some bring out the worse, and of course people change with time. I know for myself that I would never call my bfs ex. In almost everyway, the person he was with her is no more. And I found that out through conversation with him, the best way. Talking to her would teach me nothing of who he is now.

If you're talking about ex-spouses it could be important. If we're going in with eyes open and not ignoring red flags then it might not be as important, but there are some people who are masters at deceiving. My friend talked to an ex-girlfriend who told her that her fiance had hit her when they had left a bar. How that could ever be acceptable is beyond me, but somehow he explained it away. She married him while ignoring red flags and the way he acted when he was under stress. Her marriage was a nightmare and lasted one year.

 

[JVD]

Quote
Originally Posted by: Briseis




I think that it is more important to find out the truth for yourself. People are different with different people, some ppl bring out the best, some bring out the worse, and of course people change with time. I know for myself that I would never call my bfs ex. In almost everyway, the person he was with her is no more. And I found that out through conversation with him, the best way. Talking to her would teach me nothing of who he is now.

I have to say, that this is a classic sign of someone going in with blinders on. Especially the statement that some bring out the best and some bring out the worst.

Of course our assumption is that although this person may have been bad before, we will bring out the best. It is real common for a woman to think that she will tame the wild beast. I can't really explain why they do it, but I have seen many sweet girls totally mess up thier lives because they believe this.

Listen, if a guy was bad before, why would you even take the chance. Especially if you are thinking of marriage...and children.