Questions about Personality Disorders

[Prncssmn7]

Hi All. I am glad that I ventured out of my normal sections of the board, I really needed to come here...

My ex has a personality disoprder that he refuses to acknowledge or be professionally diagnosed for. We were in counseling, but the counselor told us that he couldn't be helped anyway. Due to this, we are now "taking a break". Is this true? Is there any kind of therapy he can go to for help?

Thanks in advance.

 

[madison1101]

What personality disorder does the counselor think your friend has? What are the counselor's credentials?

There are many people who can recover from personality disorders, but it depends on what the disorder is, and their motivation to change.

Let me know more information and I can better answer your question.

 

[Prncssmn7]

Well, the counselor we went to was a grad student and not equipt to make these kind of determinations. But of course with someone who has a personality disporder, thatis all her needed to hear. I went to professionals to garner my assessment. I believe the one he exhibits the most symptoms of is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Frankly I threw out all the literature after I told him to not contact us until he got himself togther, I so I could be wrong on that particular name. He exhibits 10 symptoms of one, 3 of another and 4 of another. The grad student dropped the ball so Ethan (my ex) doesn't think he has anything wrong with him and the student told us that there is nothing that can be done. So he wanted to take a break and then God told me to let him go until he got himself together. So I did.

Thank you for answering. We are no longer in contact now, so I am not sure what is going on with him.

 

[madison1101]

People with most personality disorders can recover if they choose to. They have to be motivated to do the work to make the changes, and it can take a long time before those changes become habits.

Personality disorders are often referred to as deeply ingrained malaptive patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. These patterns are learned and can be unlearned if the person is willing.

The key is willingness. If your ex is unwilling, he is not going to change. If he loses something or someone valuable, such as your relationship, that could motivate him. It took me losing my marriage to make radical changes in my disordered behavior. I no longer have the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, though I am still considered Personality Disorder (NOS).

I hope this makes sense.

I do know that have an intimate relationship with someone with a personality disorder can cause a regular person to have issues that they may need to work through. I would recommend that you consider getting yourself individual therapy, with a licensed psychotherapist, to work through the stuff that being with your ex may have caused.

I hope you are able to find someone with whom you can have a healthy relationship.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[Prncssmn7]

I just left him a litle over a month ago. I am praying in time he will get help so we can get married and he can adopt my son. With me he is healthier, but he has these so-called friends who are worse off then he is who screw his head up worse than it already is. I can't compete with all of them as one person. I pray every day that he will get some help. Thank you for your answer.

 

[goldenviolet]

http://christianforums.com/t6617119-new-recovery-guidelines.html
let's be caucious of giving out advice that only a qualified doc inperson, can determine.

that said, any time you get a suspicious diagnosis; go for another docs opinion. it's a good idea to search the professional field for your local exsperts in the area of question. bless your heart.

 

[Prncssmn7]

Thank you. Ethan and I aren't speaking right now, I am praying he is led to go on his own to acknowledge the disorder and to get help. God bless.

 

[madison1101]

I apologize. I only tried to give encouragement and hope, and guidance toward a qualified professional. Please forgive me.

 

[trinanne]

Border line personality disorder in a loved one is a very slippery, and destructive slope to find yourself on in a relationship. I wish my words could be more hopeful but after experiencing 2 or them in my life I error on the side of caution and realism rather then hopefulness. a main part of the disorder is that the person having it does not think there is anything wrong with them! On top of that I have found that BPDs are for the most part very intelligent they can usually function in jobs etc. and give the appearance that they are totally FINE to those that don't know them very well,or who do nothave the miss fortune of living with them day in and day out. (also,they can hold it together in counseling sessions and look perfectly normal to a counselor who is not trained and has had no experience with BPD) I lived in community with a sister who was a BPD and she could cause an enormous amount of havoc and discontinuity in the larger community and within the lives of individual sisters. It was my experience that when I or any one else tried to confront her behaviors, or report them to some one in charge, in the telling of what she was doing, I and every one else looked like we were the ones that were crazy, and petty. The only advice I can offer is that YOU need to find a counselor FOR YOURSELF that has had experience with BPD and seek help. try to distance your self from the person or at least do not let the person with the disorder make you feel that the problem is with you!!! they are pro's at that. I realize that none of what I am saying is easy, but I have found in my life it is necessary to take firm and decisive action for any healing or health to take place.
Hang in and don't think you are alone... there is real help out there. my prayers are with you.

 

[cory533]

Living with one with BPD is rough but they can get betteror at least manage the disorder to the point it need not wreck havock in the lives of the person with BPD or those around them. If you cannot find A councelor that has expirience with BPD specifically try one that is familiar with drug and alcohal treatment They are less apt to buy into the public face and be worked by the patient. However someone who is expirienced in BPD would still generaly be far better.

My wife was first diagnosed with BPD about 14 months ago with councel and meds my life with her now is sooo much better and more rewarding. There is hope.

 

[TwilightCat]

I am diagnosed with BPD.

I would be very wary of diagnosing someone with any mental illness unless you are qualified, but especially personality disorders. Generally doctors will say personality disorders cannot be cured, they can only be treated. Many doctors will write people with PD's off as attention seekers and not listen to their needs. Furthermore there is a lot of stigma around Personality Disorders, especially BPD. Also the symptoms have to be long term and deep set. Most doctors take a long time to assess personality disorders.

Just be careful with diagnosing.

 

[cory533]

I am diagnosed with BPD.

I would be very wary of diagnosing someone with any mental illness unless you are qualified, but especially personality disorders. Generally doctors will say personality disorders cannot be cured, they can only be treated. Many doctors will write people with PD's off as attention seekers and not listen to their needs. Furthermore there is a lot of stigma around Personality Disorders, especially BPD. Also the symptoms have to be long term and deep set. Most doctors take a long time to assess personality disorders.

Just be careful with diagnosing.

I agree that one should be carefull of making diagnosis without the qualification. However sometimes you need to have a clue what you may be up against or some drs are to clueless or lazy to figue it out. My dw had seen several councelors who went all over the place not recognising or treating the root isue of BPD. finally a consulting psychiatrist sugested BPD and we found someone who was willing and able to treat it. she has made great strides in a little over one year.

As to the myth that BPD is uncureable that is hogwash people are cured it is treatable and not just manageable. And of course if He wills God can cure anything even death.

I really do agree with most of what you said but thought clarification was in order. I know you said some drs think it's incurable, not that you necissarily agree. and of course self diagnosis and treatment is dangerous.

 

[madison1101]

I agree that one should be carefull of making diagnosis without the qualification. However sometimes you need to have a clue what you may be up against or some drs are to clueless or lazy to figue it out. My dw had seen several councelors who went all over the place not recognising or treating the root isue of BPD. finally a consulting psychiatrist sugested BPD and we found someone who was willing and able to treat it. she has made great strides in a little over one year.

As to the myth that BPD is uncureable that is hogwash people are cured it is treatable and not just manageable. And of course if He wills God can cure anything even death.

I really do agree with most of what you said but thought clarification was in order. I know you said some drs think it's incurable, not that you necissarily agree. and of course self diagnosis and treatment is dangerous.

I was diagnosed with BPD in 1990. In 2007, my therapist changed my diagnosis, and agrees that I no longer have BPD, though I do have some borderline traits. It is curable. It is hard work and takes time and a lot of trial and error, but it is curable.

 

[LookBeautiful]

Hi All. I am glad that I ventured out of my normal sections of the board, I really needed to come here...

My ex has a personality disoprder that he refuses to acknowledge or be professionally diagnosed for. We were in counseling, but the counselor told us that he couldn't be helped anyway. Due to this, we are now "taking a break". Is this true? Is there any kind of therapy he can go to for help?

Thanks in advance.

Hi, I am wondering how you know your ex has a personality disorder? Why can't you just say, in my opinion my ex has a personality disorder? I don't think lay people should say someone has a personality disorder. I think that's inappropriate.