Questions about how to deal with kids alone?

[SarSardonic]

Hello all. I am not a single parent, and I am sorry for intruding. But, I need advice as I am alone for the week with an almost 3 year old and an almost 1 year old, and I'll be alone for a year while my husband is deployed.
I'm struggling, and feeling stupid.

1. How do you take out the trash with two litte ones?
I don't really feel comfortable leaving them alone inside while I go to the end of the long parking lot and out of sight to take the trash out. I also don't see how I can carry my baby, hold my toddler's hand (he runs), and carry the trash out.

2. How do you bring in groceries?
Do you leave the kids in the car or in the house while you carry the groceries?

3. My biggest fear is dropping dead while alone with them (my mother dropped dead mid-sentance 2 years ago at age 61).
Does anyone else have a similar fear?

4. What happens if I have a medical emergency? Will the hospital watch my kids until someone comes for them (husband is 50 miles away right now, our nearest family is more than 400 miles away)?

5. What do you do when your sick? I have the flu, everything hurts, even typing is difficult right now. How do you find the energy to keep up with the kids? Mine are napping right now, but it takes a lot out of me just to get up and make them food and change them and bathe them and brush their teeth. Everytime I stand or even sit up too fast I feel like I'm going to pass out. Luckily they're napping right now, but when they're awake I just want to cry because I feel like I can't take care of them that well.

I feel stupid for not knowing how to manage, but I've never been alone (except during the day 4am to 7pm while my husband works) before. I don't have any friends, I don't know anyone here (we've only been living here less than 8 months, and haven't met anyone yet), and all our family is at least over 400 miles away.


Again, I'm sorry to intrude on your forum. (And sorry for the stupid questions.) Thank you for any answers you provide.

God bless you.

 

[vespasia]

How do you take out the trash with two little ones?

Make a small bag up. Use a buggy for the baby and toddler reins for the toddler. Ask them to come and help you take the days rubbish down to the big bin. Its a lot easier to juggle small children and a small bag of rubbish than a large dustbin.

How do you bring in groceries?

If your concerned keep the kids where you can see them. Move the groceries from the car to by the door.
When all the groceries are by the door fecth the kids. Most toddlers love to help so ask your older child if they could be a big help and carry a small something into your home for you. If they do tell them what a help they have been to you and thank them. Make bringing in the groceries a game. Make up silly songs if you have the energy as that will let you hear where your children are.
If you have a crawling baby it is okay to put them in their cot whilst you bring the shopping in. A younger baby can be placed in their car seat where they can see you.

Your fear about dropping dead and being ill comes from feeling isolated and alone.
Teach your children what to do if your unwell or will not wake up. Teach them the emergency number is very special and must only ever be used if your sick hurt or will not wake up.
Leave a list of your family and friends contacts where the emergency services can quickly find them. let your children know where your special list is.

Medical emergency- in the UK accidents end up with the police liason doing the emergency babysitting. Illness falls under social services. Are there any mom networks where you live that would let you make friends so if you needed help someone could step in.

If your not well do not beat yourself up for not being able to do as much as you wish. Let your children know mummy is not well and will do her best but needs them to help. You may end up with cuddly toys, a loved chewed cloth and sucked biscuits but it means your children are trying to show they care.
As long as they are physically safe, given food, drinks and not left wet and dirty they will survive you not feeling well for a few days.

I know your family is many miles away but if your feeling very poorly call them. Sometimes families can network and find ways of getting help through even if its arranging a grocery delivery.

Do you have contact with any churches?
They may have a pastoral care team who could help with some things. If you do not flag to someone your there and are in real need they may not know you need help.
If your husband is deployed are there any service support groups or similar aimed at supporting their families? Do not let pride or shame stop you form asking either for help.

Your not asking silly questions, your a mom with two small kids who is trying to do her best whilst you feel pretty run down with 'flu. Rest as much as you can, look after yourself as best you can and if you do feel very ill call for medical help.

 

[bliz]

Hello all. I am not a single parent, and I am sorry for intruding. But, I need advice as I am alone for the week with an almost 3 year old and an almost 1 year old, and I'll be alone for a year while my husband is deployed.
I'm struggling, and feeling stupid.

You are not stupid. First of all, because you have thought t his through and know there are going to be some difficult things in the course of normal life. I didn't foresee the trouble with bringing groceries home with 2 kids until I backed into the driveway with a trunk full.

1. How do you take out the trash with two litte ones?
I don't really feel comfortable leaving them alone inside while I go to the end of the long parking lot and out of sight to take the trash out. I also don't see how I can carry my baby, hold my toddler's hand (he runs), and carry the trash out.

Worse case scenario, carry the youngest in a backpack and put you running toddler on a leash. I know, I'm not fond of them either, but it's one way you can keep everyone safe when your hands are full. Or, nap time.

2. How do you bring in groceries?
Do you leave the kids in the car or in the house while you carry the groceries?

First, make sure that all cold and perishable items end up together in as few bags as possible. Dry and canned goods can wait till nap time, or even wait a few days. You can do the backpack/leash trick again.

You can also start working on a new skill with your kids - waiting inside the home while mommy does a really quick errand. Put the little one in a walker and work out a method that works for you. Start with being gone for just a minute or two and build up to a reasonable time. When they can wait x number of minutes without getting upset or opening the door, etc. reward them.

3. My biggest fear is dropping dead while alone with them (my mother dropped dead mid-sentance 2 years ago at age 61).
Does anyone else have a similar fear?

This is probably a fairly uncommon fear for a young mother, but because of your experience with your mom, it makes sense. I'm so sorry; I'm sure you are still grieving. Is there a friend or someone from church could call you every day at a set time, and if you don't answer, they can call for help? There a services, designed for the elderly, that do this, as well as provide you with an emergency call button you can wear around your neck. If this makes you feel more secure, it's worth it.

4. What happens if I have a medical emergency? Will the hospital watch my kids until someone comes for them (husband is 50 miles away right now, our nearest family is more than 400 miles away)?

The emergency personnel will take care of your kids if you are unable. They will call your husband or anyone else you have designated. Do you have them listed in you cell phone under ICE? ICEHusband, ICENeighbor, In Case of Emergency

5. What do you do when your sick? I have the flu, everything hurts, even typing is difficult right now. How do you find the energy to keep up with the kids? Mine are napping right now, but it takes a lot out of me just to get up and make them food and change them and bathe them and brush their teeth. Everytime I stand or even sit up too fast I feel like I'm going to pass out. Luckily they're napping right now, but when they're awake I just want to cry because I feel like I can't take care of them that well.

How well I remember my husband and I sharing the flu one Thanksgiving and talking my 8 or 9 year old eldest through cooking the turkey! That was much easier because they were older than yours.

Kids will not fall apart if they go a day or two without a bath or brushing their teeth. They can wear the same clothes for a couple of days. They won't mind a bit. Camp out on the living room sofa, take pain reliever and do the best you can.

I feel stupid for not knowing how to manage, but I've never been alone (except during the day 4am to 7pm while my husband works) before. I don't have any friends, I don't know anyone here (we've only been living here less than 8 months, and haven't met anyone yet), and all our family is at least over 400 miles away.

See if you can find a local church to connect with and through there find some friends. There are often older couples whose children live far away who would be delighted to be unofficial grandparents. Are there other young families where you live? It's easy to make friends and swap ideas and, hopefully, find one or two who can help each other out

Once more, you are not stupid; you're normal. Parenting is hard, and these are some of the times that are the hardest.

Repeat after me... I am not stupid... I am no.t stupid...I am not stupid..


Again, I'm sorry to intrude on your forum. (And sorry for the stupid questions.) Thank you for any answers you provide.

God bless you.[/quote]

 

[TamberlyAna]

Just wanted to add that you could join a church group or other organization to make friends while your husband is away. Its always nice to make friends with people who could help you out in certain situations like this. I am a single mom, but I am surrounded by friends and family that I do not know what i would do without. Good luck to you in your husband's absence!