Questioning my faith

[Seeking the Truth]

I read and read,

I try to lead,

but deep inside,

I want to hide,

I am broken,

The truth has been spoken,

I cannot find peace,

I pretend I am happy at a feast,

I try to control,

He stole my soul,

I cannot grow,

Friend or foe,

I dont know.

I look and look,

I search and search,

I am alert,

people say, "Do you believe in God?"

I turn and nod,

I know the word,

I am a christian nerd,

After years and years,

I have no tears,

He has not come near,

I fear and fear,

I wait and wonder if it's too late.

I deny thy soul,

I close my mind,

I wait for a sign,

I know my soul isn't mine.

I am not fine,

I end my life with a knife,

where will I go?

Did I know?

Is this a dream?

or is it my low self-esteem?

I am at the end,

Is he really my friend?

I cannot pretend,

I must ask for his trust,

and stop the fuss.

I must obey and hear what he has to say.

This is a day,

Am I here to stay?

I pray and pray,

what will he say?

I lie with blood all around,

I hear no sounds,

I see no frowns,

What will I see when I open my eyes?

Will there be angels in the sky?

Will I dance or get in a fighting stance?

Where will I be?

 

[christian cutie danni]

Wow... That is a very good poem. But please don't end your life. I'm going through this stage as well, Please... I'll pray for you...

 

[Hidden face_Hurting heart]

It's hard isn't it? I've been there. If you ever want to talk, I'd be happy to.

 

[Seeking the Truth]

Wow... That is a very good poem. But please don't end your life. I'm going through this stage as well, Please... I'll pray for you...

Thank you I am not going to end my life silly I was just thinking if I did, what would happen. Would I go to heaven or hell? I know the word, I have been a christian for six years but I question whether I am walking with the Lord. Everytime I try to be perfect, I fall. I try to be more like Christ but instead I turn to more anger because I will never be able to obey all God's laws I know we can be forgiven but are we really if we will be judged. So my poems my thoughts as to what will happen to me if I did die or kill myself today.

 

[Seeking the Truth]

It's hard isn't it? I've been there. If you ever want to talk, I'd be happy to.

Thank you Why are you depressed?

 

[Hidden face_Hurting heart]

Thank you Why are you depressed?

You're welcome. I have clinical depression. It's a major struggle and it's untreated. There have been many times I have had the same thoughts of "what would happen if..." Actually, three years ago, I almost did commit suicide. Please feel free to PM me. I don't mind talking about it. Go with God.

 

[Love&Pain]

Hi I enjoyed reading your poem. You have a unique style and it is well written. Keep seeking the Truth (the truth is Jesus Christ gives you eternal life). I am sure you will in heaven one day. It is ok to question your faith but remember to ask God for wisdom. Worldy wisdom is different then God's wisdom. Continue to write and let God shine in your life. God bless and I have blessed you with 150 blessings. Take care and you will be in my prayers

 

[Angelface007]

This Poem, has alot of meaning behind it! Its expressed with tears from your heart! My prayers are with you and I want you to know that it takes a Friend with Christ gierst in their lives to be a true friend! One that you can trust and lean upon always. I'm here for you if you ever decide you'd like to vent! I'm just a PM away! " I WILL NEVER TURN YOU AWAY OR JUDGE YOU! GOD BLESS YOU, IN ALL THAT YOU DO, Angelface

 

[Seeking the Truth]

This Poem, has alot of meaning behind it! Its expressed with tears from your heart! My prayers are with you and I want you to know that it takes a Friend with Christ gierst in their lives to be a true friend! One that you can trust and lean upon always. I'm here for you if you ever decide you'd like to vent! I'm just a PM away! " I WILL NEVER TURN YOU AWAY OR JUDGE YOU! GOD BLESS YOU, IN ALL THAT YOU DO, Angelface

Thank you. You dont know alot about me besides that I am needy and you are willing to take the time to help me. You have a precious and pure heart. Thank you it's nice to know that there are people that I can pm. Sometimes I feel alone I love you!

 

[christian cutie danni]

I have chronic depression. I won't go on meds though, because of a girl that I knew who killed herself, becuase her medicine made it worse... My dad won't let me, anyways... Well, this is a great place to be with people like us, and to offer advice, and stuff... You guys and girls out there, we'll make it through!