Question

[wannagohome]

How wrong is it to stay close to someone who calls you profane words and dismisses your opinions and walks away from you when you cry?
Is it feeding my depression to be treated like this? Or is it wrong not to put up with the bad as long as there is sometimes good? Jen

 

[Deamiter]

I think the truth in that sort of situation is that you are not close to THEM. Yes, it is certainly feeding your depression to be treated like this, but at the same time, it's not entirely clear that you have to cut all ties!

You need to take care of yourself first. Evaluate the good that you get. Is it genuine, or is it part of our culture to 'love' people when you want something from them? Honestly, if it is bringing you down, it would be better for you to give up the good with the bad. However, I find that usually you can have some of both. Yes, I think it is a mistake to stay close to somebody who insults you and ignores you when you need help. I also think that it' would be a mistake to give THEM the cold shoulder. You need to look at what's going on in your head -- how you feel about what's going on. Never let yourself rationalize away demeaning comments just for a few minutes of fake love!

 

[wannagohome]

I think the truth in that sort of situation is that you are not close to THEM. Yes, it is certainly feeding your depression to be treated like this, but at the same time, it's not entirely clear that you have to cut all ties!

You need to take care of yourself first. Evaluate the good that you get. Is it genuine, or is it part of our culture to 'love' people when you want something from them? Honestly, if it is bringing you down, it would be better for you to give up the good with the bad. However, I find that usually you can have some of both. Yes, I think it is a mistake to stay close to somebody who insults you and ignores you when you need help. I also think that it' would be a mistake to give THEM the cold shoulder. You need to look at what's going on in your head -- how you feel about what's going on. Never let yourself rationalize away demeaning comments just for a few minutes of fake love!

Thanks for responding. I am trying my best right now to figure out what to do. Which includes praying and talking to supportive people. Have a good day. Jen

 

[Deamiter]

Another thing you might want to consider, is that it isn't impossible to work out the relationship. If somebody truly loves you they really will change how they act if it's really hurting you. The problem is that often we fall into patterns of ignoring and reacting rather than listening. They may hear that you're hurt, but never process it out of habit. I don't have much experience there, but I do know that counselors (especially marriage counselors who often won't mind counseling one party even if it's out of marriage if that's your situation) understand the problem very well, and might have good advice for your situation.

 

[macandcheese]

I think you should back away from this person, but to what degree depends on what kind of relationship it is. When you say "put up with the bad as long as there is some good", it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. You shouldn't have to 'put up' with anyone. There can be some good in even the worst relationships - that doesn't make it worth staying in. This is also the kind of behavior that can quickly escalate into more abusive behavior. If it is a more long-term relationship, such as a family member or marriage, I strongly suggest counseling. Otherwise, it might be best to let that person go. No one deserves that kind of treatment.
God bless you and keep you.
In Christ,
rach

 

[TheMainException]

Don't stay near this person any longer. Until you are stable with your depression and have gotten out of that hole, don't allow this person to help you dig it deeper.

Remember, God loves you even if this other person just wants to use and abuse you...have faith in your daddy, he's king and one day, he'll show that mean person just how horrible they really are. Pray for this person though...don't laugh when they trip....that will only make Abba disappointed with you.

If you really can't get away from this person and they keep driving you into a deeper hole, talk to them and see if you can't work something out.

 

[Sunbright]

Hi,
Unfortunately abusive patterns can occur, where a person is abusive and then nice, abusive and then nice. Staying in this sort of relationship hurts your self-esteem and will make it more difficult for you to make other friends.

As well, staying in a situation where you are mistreated will create inner rage
and can contribute to panic disorders and depression.

Take a break from this person and see how you feel when they are not in your life. You can do so in a loving way by telling them directly that you want a break from them because of their behaviour. They need to know that actions have consequences. You don't have to accept bad behaviour from others. In refusing to put up with bad behaviour, you are being loving to yourself and to them as well.

God Bless,
Sunbright.