Question - After Divorce

[SmackYouTwice]

I posted this in the Marriage Section, and I thought I could take it a step further into here.

Has anyone in here, that is married now, got into a dating/courting (or whatever it's called these days) when you or the other person was not LEGALLY divorced? I know divorce is wrong, period... (I don't feel the need to discuss the "well... what if" situations), yet divorce happens. And I am not sure what God thinks of re-marrying... I mean, He won't frown upon every relationship after, right? If the sin is genuinly confessed and sincerely asked for forgivness... the slate is clean? Does the two people have to wait until the papers are signed and is through all the legal hoopla before they date others? That can take up to a year...

Sorry, I'm just confused with this issue. And reading the bible has confused me more, lol. I think I am still stuck with the world view and God's view mixed together.

HELP!

 

[madison1101]

I dated someone who told me he was divorced, but was legally married when we dated.

As for remarriage, some Conservative Christians will say that only if the divorce was caused by the other spouse's adultery can you remarry. In my case, my ex remarried, so I am free to remarry now. If he had not remarried, I would not be free to remarry. This is my belief according to scriptures.

Read 1 Corinthians 7 to see what scriptures say about this.

 

[COVINABP]

Smackyoutwice, You bring up a good question, I look forward to all the responses here.

I am separated, my wife walked out on me, she says she is not intending to get a divorce, but I don't see why we can't work things out with her & my daughter @ home.

I feel that it is only right to wait until the divorce is finaled before starting to date, the time it takes to become "final" I believe takes so long so there is the last chance to reconcil, because that is ultimately what God wants.

My church is not a conservitive church, but the pastor told me when he came over the night she left that if we did get a divorce, & I wanted to remarry, he would not be willing to perform the service, because I already have a wife (not that he was un supportive, that was a comment in the middle to end of the night).

If my wife does turn to divorce, then I don't know what I will do, I want to be married to my wife till death, but I also don't think I am a bad person, and I deserve to be married & happy, but also, how can I love someone else, when I have already given my heart away?

Well, that my experiance, just thought I'd share & hope you get something out of it

God Bless,

William

 

[jessesgirl]

Hi there !!!

My personal belief is that, while one should be able to remarry or even date after divorce, it should be once the divorce is final. I believe that you are, up until your divorce is finalized and papers are in hand, you are still legally married to that person. So if you dated and anything were to happen (aside from casual conversation), it would be considered cheating on your spouse.

Besides all that, divorces take a HUGE toll on you in every aspect: emotionally, physically, spiritually. Jumping right into dating can be harmful in the long run. Your mind and body and your spirit need time to recoup after a divorce. Jumping right into dating can cause you to jump right into another relationship where maybe you might not ought to be, but the comfort of someone being there makes you think you should.

My divorce was finalized in about four months (In the state of TX, you only have to wait 60 days after filing to finalize), but I didn't date for over a year after. I had to work on the forgiving process, as well as the healing process.

My suggestion is that if you find someone you think you might be interested in pursuing a relationship with, try being friends (and only friends) up until your divorce is final. If that person feels the same way, they will likely consent and understand your feelings.

I truly believe that God has forgiven my first marriage and divorce (the marriage because I married knowing it wasn't what he wanted for my life, the divorce for obvious reasons!). I believe, like you do, that when we confess (with our mouths) that Jesus takes that sin and throws it as far as the east is from the west. So my belief is, that in God's eyes, it no longer exists.

I am remarried now, God has blessed me with a WONDERFUL husband who is a great leader and loves me unconditionally. He has blessed us with our first child (when I was told I would never conceive) and so much more! Many people argue that He could never bless a second marriage because we are clearly living in sin, but I don't believe that because proof of otherwise is ALL AROUND ME. I believe we serve a just God, who hates divorce, but in the same sense we serve a loving, understanding,and forgiving God who wants us to be happy and wants us to be in relationships where we thrive the most and continue to grow in Him.

The bible doesn't speak out AGAINST divorce and remarriage only. There are passages that say (Deut 24:1-4 is one off the top of my head) that if you give your wife a bill of divorcement, you are free to remarry and so is she. I know that this is one of the laws of Moses but in Luke 16:17 (i believe), Jesus himself says that heaven and earth shall pass away before the law does. There are more, I can't pull them out right now, but if you are interested, feel free to PM me and I will send you the rest of them.

 

[Sugarjay]

I believe it depends on the circomstances. Like in my case i feel I am free to date whoever I want. My legal (man's law) divorce is not final for about 3 months but my ex has stated she is laready in elations with another man. She has already dovorced me emotionaly and physically so I feel scriptually I am already divorced. I am just waiting on man's law now which means nothing except for why we are hear on earth. In God's law she has already divorced me and I am free to do what I want.

Ok, let the bashing of my views begin.......

 

[COVINABP]

Sugarjay, I feel you are not in the wrong to feel like she has already divorced you, I would feel the same way in that situation. No bashing here, thats not what I'm here for, I have in laws for that (that is only a joke, they are very supportive of our reconciling). I am lucky I guess that my wife isn't persuing any others, but I feel like she too has divorced me emotionally, etc, & I find myself wanting to be able to move on, but I also don't want to ever sign divorce papers, I am just very lost on the whole situation I'm in

I am enjoying all of the veiws & beliefs people are sharing here

 

[jessesgirl]

no bashing sugarjay, thats your opinion and waaaay up there was mine!!! silly is people bashing other people for their interpretations of their relationship with God...no thanks! and praying for you through your divorce, as i know it is SO difficult!

 

[madison1101]

Sugarjay, I feel you are not in the wrong to feel like she has already divorced you, I would feel the same way in that situation. No bashing here, thats not what I'm here for, I have in laws for that (that is only a joke, they are very supportive of our reconciling). I am lucky I guess that my wife isn't persuing any others, but I feel like she too has divorced me emotionally, etc, & I find myself wanting to be able to move on, but I also don't want to ever sign divorce papers, I am just very lost on the whole situation I'm in

I am enjoying all of the veiws & beliefs people are sharing here

My husband started dating the day after he left me, and I had not committed adultery or sought another relationship.

I was deceived by a man who dated me and told me he was divorced, when in fact he was married legally. Married is married. Legally divorced is divorced. Anything in between is adulterous.

 

[COVINABP]

Madison 1101, I do aggree, It is a clean cut line, until the divorce is finalled, it is still able to be reconcilled, therfore, you are married or you are divorced, I did not say I aggree with dating before it is finalled, hence the reason I have not been persuing a new relation, as I know that is a door being opened for the devil to get in & do the destruction he has started. I know my wife & I will get back together, I just pray it is in time, before I give up on her return. As I said before, I am lost in my situation, I come from a long line of people not divorced (can't think of any in my family, except my uncle on his 5th wife & my sister) so I never thought this could happen to me

Sorry if I left the wrong impression

 

[Svt4Him]

Until the divorce is final, you are still married. Once it is final, you are free from your spouse. Then the question is is it ok for married people to date others?

 

[novi12]

Here is my opinion....... in my point I will sacrifice n won't sign the divorce papers even to the last extend........and will never do........ Amen

 

[jenelis]

Okay, okay. Maybe I am just a very realistic Christian, but I believe God wants us to be happy more than he wants us to sit around and analyze the details. That being said, I don't think that means 70's free love or that we can just let the devil run us all over the place, but I do think God is most interested in each of us truly loving and respecting his kingdom and us living in happiness as followers to his word.

I try very hard to live a truly Christian life and raise my daughter as a believer who will grow in life following His word.

That being said, life is not a vacuum.

 

[Mickey1953]

Hi,
After I had been saved; I remarried after being divorced.
I could not find anything in the Bible that approved of my divorce. I was seeking an answer because a well meaning Christian questioned my remarriage.

And though I was a new Christian, a small new church also asked me to lead a class in a retreat on divorce and remarriage.

This is what I found in the Bible and this is what I told the women: Forgiveness. God is a God of forgiveness and He sacrificed His Son for us. God knowing our hearts and our dilemma and standing on this word; I encouraged them to accept His gift of forgiveness and continue to live for Him covered by the blood of Jesus. There was no other answer and there is no other way. Our God forgives.....

In Christ's Name & love
Mickey

 

[KJVisTruth]

I am not legally divorced (any day now, yay!!) but I consider myself divorced, my ex and I have been separated in every way possible (sexually, financially, emotionally, etc) for several years now. I believe one needs to wait till the ink is dry on the divorce papers before dating again, although that did not happen to me. lol I met my bf two years ago and I just fell in love; he truly is a godsend. I wouldnt be where I am today without him. I dont think having to be legal is terribly important, if you truly are divorced in every other way.. its just a good idea.