Question about living with someone

[Sir Robbins]

I have heard by numerous people it may be beneficial to live with someone (sleep in separate rooms) prior to marriage to see if your habits and lifestyle are acceptable or compatible to yours. What are your thoughts on this and did anyone or do you know anyone who did this and recommends it? I am not going down the road of marriage but was curious from others' perspectives

 

[dayhiker]

I've not lived with anyone since my divorce. I have traveled on vacation and had ladies who were from out of town stay with me for the weekend. I'm fine with that. Since I don't plan to get married again, I''m not looking to know if I can live with them long term.

 

[Dave-W]

I have heard by numerous people it may be beneficial to live with someone (sleep in separate rooms) prior to marriage to see if your habits and lifestyle are acceptable or compatible to yours. What are your thoughts on this and did anyone or do you know anyone who did this and recommends it? I am not going down the road of marriage but was curious from others' perspectives

Not a good idea IMO.

There is such a thing as "sleep sex." While it is usually confined to having sex with someone in the same bed, it is not necessarily confined to that. Living with someone in the same house puts you at risk of doing that, especially if you have other kinds of issues like sleep walking. Read up on it.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/sleep-sex-unromantic-even-dangerous?page=2

 

[Sir Robbins]

Not a good idea IMO.

There is such a thing as "sleep sex." While it is usually confined to having sex with someone in the same bed, it is not necessarily confined to that. Living with someone in the same house puts you at risk of doing that, especially if you have other kinds of issues like sleep walking. Read up on it.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/sleep-sex-unromantic-even-dangerous?page=2

the concept would work for me since sex is a non-negotiable for me so it would never happen anyways... I know people who succeeded at it with it on the table and others who had not.... thanks for your input

 

[Mudinyeri]

Stepping away from the varying opinions on pre-marital sex for a moment, there are any number of things that could make a marriage difficult - the toilet paper being rolled the wrong way, the toothpaste being squeezed in the wrong place, sexual incompatibilities ... the list is virtually infinite.

While I am not against working to ensure some degree of compatibility prior to marriage - in fact, I highly encourage it - are you planning to marry because you are compatible or because you believe it is God's will that you marry? If you are marrying because you believe it is God's will, is it possible that incompatibilities are a part of God's plan to mature you, change you or refine you?

 

[angelT17]

As long as it is someone you can talk to about what bothers/irks you and vice versa you'll be fine. Don't sweat the small stuff and respect each other's differences.

I wasn't worried about living together (It was a new experience for both of us).

 

[NicoleWilliams]

beneficial to live with someone (sleep in separate rooms) prior to marriage to see if your habits and lifestyle are acceptable or compatible to yours

Good question, Sir Robbins! I feel the very best way to test your compatibility for marriage is to date for at least one year before engagement while participating in a structured counseling program. Test-driving a relationship may provide you with all the information you need in order to predict marital success or failure, but I feel it may not work in the long run. I really hope and pray that you will find the right answers to your question. May God bless you with wisdom.

 

[DZoolander]

I'm not going to argue my objection from a fornication standpoint, because that's not an issue I really care about.

I do think, however, that living together with someone before marriage is a bad idea if you are already on the road to getting married. I think it might cause you to end the relationship prematurely when it could in fact actually be one worth saving.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not one of the "destiny, God has brought us together, lets fight for this relationship when it's actually a turd relationship" type of people. Some relationships are mistakes and the sooner you abandon them the better. But, there is always going to be a normal level of conflict in any living-together type of situation. You are not 100% compatible with anyone - and things that they do (and that you do) are going to get on each other's nerves.

Most of it is superficial...but annoying. Even in great relationships, that dynamic exists. My fear would be that if I didn't have a little bit of extra incentive to work through those annoyances - that it might become catastrophic to what otherwise is a good relationship that ought remain.

Don't take that to mean that you should work through anything that crosses your path...lol But, I've seen people also break up over what to me seemed like petty easily-rectified stuff. Maybe if they'd been married they would have tried a little harder.

Just my .02

 

[AWomanNamedDamaris]

People tend to sweat the small stuff a lot more when they are not married. Once you have taken your vows, you compromise a lot more and pick your battles more wisely.