Question about counselling

[Grasshopper2000]

Hi I was abused by my mum throught my childhood and sexually asaulted at 15 and raped at 16. I saw a counsellor for a few sessions a couple of years ago and I hated it it. The first thing I was asked was to say everything that happened. I wasn't wasn't prepared for having to coming straight out witj it and I found it really difficult and hyperventilated throughout as I was so scared.

I saw a different cousellor yesterday and she was totally the opposite. She new as much detail as what I wrote here but started to try to solve the problems. The only thing was some of her solutions won't work as she was missing lots of information whixh she doesn't know.

Before seeing the second counsellor I told her that I was very scared of the whole process and she said that she works on building up trust. Can anyone tell me, is this method of not asking what happened, a way of building up trust and waiting for me to say when I am ready? I don't feel ready to say yet, but it kind of makes it hard if she doesn't know.

 

[RuthD]

Yes, it is very important to build up trust with your counselor. Your trust was violated many times and this experience of building trust with someone will help you a lot. When I am establishing a new relationship of friendship or anything else I need to build trust with them too as I was violated a lot, too. It helps me restore my belief that there still are good people out there who care. You don't have to tell the hardest things, you can talk about whatever you want and just feel comfortable. In time things will work out. It isn't essential that a counselor know everything. But just talking about how you feel is a good place to start. That can be hard, too if you are not used to it. I'm praying for you in your situation. God bless you.

 

[Johnnz]

You need to have confidence in your counselling relationship. Your current counsellor is being wise and considerate. You will need to talk about past events, but maybe there will be a more gradual lead in than with your first counsellor. I find the pace of disclosure can vary, depending on the person and increasing detail arises over time.

John
NZ

 

[HisSparkPlug]

Hi Grasshopper,
yes it is very important to trust your counsellor. Trust comes in layers little bits at a time.. Abuse victims tend to have problems with boundaries and so it's important we not rush into trusting people too soon (I've given info about myself to people I never should have given it to b/c I trusted that what they said about who they were was true, this is especially dangerous with men who just want to feel empowered & are drawn to victims for that reason - Other times I don't trust enough such as in the case of a counsellor whom I should trust) .. It can take a little time. But your need to confide in order to see you're not judged will help you open up a bit at a time. She will prove her trustworthiness to you as you tell her little pieces of your story.
Bless u

 

[Andrea411]

Hi I was abused by my mum throught my childhood and sexually asaulted at 15 and raped at 16. I saw a counsellor for a few sessions a couple of years ago and I hated it it. The first thing I was asked was to say everything that happened. I wasn't wasn't prepared for having to coming straight out witj it and I found it really difficult and hyperventilated throughout as I was so scared.

I saw a different cousellor yesterday and she was totally the opposite. She new as much detail as what I wrote here but started to try to solve the problems. The only thing was some of her solutions won't work as she was missing lots of information whixh she doesn't know.

Before seeing the second counsellor I told her that I was very scared of the whole process and she said that she works on building up trust. Can anyone tell me, is this method of not asking what happened, a way of building up trust and waiting for me to say when I am ready? I don't feel ready to say yet, but it kind of makes it hard if she doesn't know.

...your counselor should wait until you want to talk about it or if you want to speak in generalities and analogies just tell her that you aren't ready to tell the whole truth. Counseling can be one of the hardest thing you'll do but if you don't do it then that is an indication that the trauma is still very present. If we don't work through our traumas we tend to redo them in various ways. We'll self sabotage, marry an abuser or abuse others... its our emotions coming out sideways. Believe me I spent many years in therapy and today I don't even think about the trauma. But it could have ruined my marriage and I didn't deal with it until my own daughter tried to commit suicide. That was when reality set in and I was forced to face my own issues. We went into intensive family and individual counseling and today we are all happy healthy and not suicidal. But the tears I cried in therapy were the ones I should have cried when the pain was present it is far more difficult to go back and sort out the different traumas. God said He would never give us more then we could bear but we were't meant to bear it all in one day but one day at a time.... if you deal with issues daily they are bearable but bc of the dysfunctional family you were forced to stuff/hide your real feelings, put on a false face and one day you don't even recognize yourself. Then when abused people turn around 30 yr old the face starts to crack bc its not real. Denial was given to us by God so we could manage our pain but if we over use it - it begins to manage us. God bless, andrea

 

[jsimms615]

a thoughtful counselor won't push you to tell things your not ready to say. He or she should want you to feel safe first.