Question about being pursued

[jess9450]

So, I'm wondering how to ask a guy if he's going to pursue me. I'm still old fashioned enough to want a man to pursue me for a romantic relationship.

I met this guy online and we've been talking on Skype, through texts and email very regularly, and since we don't live very close to each other we haven't hung out that often in person. In the spring, he mentioned wanting to get to know me better and see if that would lead to anything more than friendship.
The thing is, lately he has seemed more distant than he used to be, and although we are still pretty good friends, I get the feeling that he's "just not that into me anymore" as a potential romantic partner.

Yet even though I suspect he's no longer interested, I think it would still be a good idea to get a straight answer from him about what his 'intentions' are. What I want to know is how I can ask him without it sounding awkward.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

You could just ask him... why beat around the bush?

Simply say "I have been thinking about us recently and wanted to gather your thoughts on what future we might have"

 

[iambren]

Don't corner him. Just say what you said here--that you've noticed a lack of intensity in the exchange between you.

My dad used to say "a man chases a girl until she catches him". I'm old fashioned too and feel the man should take the initiative. Back off and let him take the initiative or not.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Communication is absolutely vital, and good communication has to start at the dating level. This isn't a fairy tail or a disney movie where your expectation is that you sit and just be available and he magically falls in love with you and magically knows that you want to marry him and he sweeps you off your feet. You may want him to pursue, but that doesn't mean you have to simply wait around for him to essentially guess that you want a relationship and be bold enough to try it, or to just move on.

There could be a lot of things going on with him and with the two of you, but you will never know because you aren't communicating with him.

TALK to him. Tell him what you just told us. Tell him that you are unsure where the relationship is going, that you like him, and that you feel he's being distant. If you don't tell him what you want and need, he's not going to know. Especially not in a world where women all want different things. With that information from you, that puts him in a place where he knows what's going on on your end, and he can tell you what's going on on his end, and you'll be able to work something out.

 

[LinkH]

How about this,

"A while back you said something about wanting to see if we could be more than just friends. You got me thinking about that. So I am wondering if you decided we should drop that idea and just be friends." Something like that.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Well I am not going to lie. Distance relationships often don't work out because the lack of "being there" makes the love often feel likes its gone away. When we have someone hug us, give us a kiss, hold hands...etc in person the love grows fast.

I am in a long distance relationship (nearly 8,000 miles away) and haven't had those feelings yet after 10 months of being in this relationship. Its why they say LDR (short hand name for the relationship) are often he hardest, but at the same time show just how far someone is willing to go for love. Its the ultimate love test. And often times you may feel bored or something along those lines. But you must push on regardless if you really love each other.

If your not sure how he feels then simply asking him without making him feel pressured. Say something like "Hey handsome, want to get married?" NO, don't really ask that LOL!

Instead ask this:
"If you don't mind me asking, do you possibly like me as more then a friend? I've had some feelings that maybe we are more but I wanted to ask so we can sort out if we are more then friends or not. I won't be upset if you say we are simply friends!".

Its important to ask this to because since neither of how has really said anything about love. FOr all you know he may be becoming distant because he doesn't think you are interested. Often people are to shy at first to say "I really like you!".

 

[Luther073082]

So, I'm wondering how to ask a guy if he's going to pursue me. I'm still old fashioned enough to want a man to pursue me for a romantic relationship.

I met this guy online and we've been talking on Skype, through texts and email very regularly, and since we don't live very close to each other we haven't hung out that often in person. In the spring, he mentioned wanting to get to know me better and see if that would lead to anything more than friendship.
The thing is, lately he has seemed more distant than he used to be, and although we are still pretty good friends, I get the feeling that he's "just not that into me anymore" as a potential romantic partner.

Yet even though I suspect he's no longer interested, I think it would still be a good idea to get a straight answer from him about what his 'intentions' are. What I want to know is how I can ask him without it sounding awkward.

I would say just ask what his intentions are. It may sound awkward but sometimes those awkward conversations need to be had.

Only thing I could tell you is to not be too emotional. You need to let him know and let yourself know that you can accept him saying that he's not interested in you romantically.

 

[jess9450]

well, I would say my initial suspicion was right...I've tried to contact him a few times over the last two weeks, but he hasn't responded. It seems to me like he's avoiding...although I haven't hinted at wanting to talk about anything scary/intense. Oh well, he just wasn't the one for me.
Thanks for all your help guys, I really do appreciate it! I'll keep this in mind for my next relationship

Edit: I know it sounds like I'm just giving up on him because he didn't respond right away, but I'm just going to pull back for a while and see what happens.

 

[K9_Trainer]

well, I would say my initial suspicion was right...I've tried to contact him a few times over the last two weeks, but he hasn't responded. It seems to me like he's avoiding...although I haven't hinted at wanting to talk about anything scary/intense. Oh well, he just wasn't the one for me.
Thanks for all your help guys, I really do appreciate it! I'll keep this in mind for my next relationship

Edit: I know it sounds like I'm just giving up on him because he didn't respond right away, but I'm just going to pull back for a while and see what happens.

Nope if he doesn't respond there's no need to "bug him". At this point if he wants to contact you he will. Shame he wasn't mature enough to be up front instead of ignoring you.

 

[Wagonmaker]

So, I'm wondering how to ask a guy if he's going to pursue me. I'm still old fashioned enough to want a man to pursue me for a romantic relationship.

I met this guy online and we've been talking on Skype, through texts and email very regularly, and since we don't live very close to each other we haven't hung out that often in person. In the spring, he mentioned wanting to get to know me better and see if that would lead to anything more than friendship.
The thing is, lately he has seemed more distant than he used to be, and although we are still pretty good friends, I get the feeling that he's "just not that into me anymore" as a potential romantic partner.

Yet even though I suspect he's no longer interested, I think it would still be a good idea to get a straight answer from him about what his 'intentions' are. What I want to know is how I can ask him without it sounding awkward.

You already have the answer. Asking for a straight answer from him is a mistake. You already know it. Why do you want to make the situation even more awkward.

Here's my advice. He's not into you (or at least his energies are split with different people... and he's likely not going to feel the need to tell you this if that's the case). Stop all contact... text, skype, email, etc. Just disappear from his radar. If he starts to ask what's up, you've got his attention. If you want his interest, you gotta play his game. Act in the same way he has acted. Mirror his behavior. He will be interested again.

My gut feeling is that you should find a guy who's not so far away. You will never know a person until you have a lot of time in their physical presence. Don't disappoint yourself.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Nah, don't bother playing games. If it takes a game to get him interested again, then he isn't interested enough anyway.

 

[Wagonmaker]

Nah, don't bother playing games. If it takes a game to get him interested again, then he isn't interested enough anyway.

I do agree with you. But I'm not sure she's ready to stop the game.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Yeah, that's generally how it seems to go.