Question about an issue please

[NO LOVER]

Last Summer about the end of it my girlfriend cheated on me. She kissed another guy like french kiss for about 15 seconds. She was on a family vacation and this is a guy she had been previously involved with. At this time we were together probably 5 months. The relationship was going great and then she got back from this trip. We were pretty sexually pure although we did smooch some and maybe rub the wrong way like get to close but never more than that. She is 20 years old and i'm 21. When she got back she told me. She was very regretful. She expressed she made a mistake and it was all temptation and she fell. I forgave her and chose to continue the relationship. I forgave her because I know that I make mistakes all the time. I know that i look at women with lust and that in a lot of ways is the same as physical. The only legitimate reason I would have to break up with her would be because I didn't think that she was mature enough to be in this relationship if she couldnt stay faithful. However she said many times it was a mistake and she is committed to me. She told me that she would always let me know if this guy ever contacted her again and that she would let him know she wants nothing to do with him. It has been about six months since all of this went down and we had a lot of bumps. I had a lot of breakdowns and it was very hard at first for me. Trusting her was very very hard and not having a fear she would cheat on me was very hard. However we have made it through all this and now are doing well. She is a christian just like me and we are both looking to serve God. However this is my issue: Sometimes I will be sitting at work or just taking a walk or wake up in the morning and I get visuals of her making out with this guy. I get hatred in my heart. I get very hurt and sad. I don't talk to her about it because i've told her already many times how i've felt about the issue.
When it happened I told her how bad it hurt me. I don't want to bring her down because i know that if i tell her about how much i'm hurting it will make her feel like scum. She is not even close to Scum I love her so much. She made a mistake and I understand that. I really love this girl and want to marry her some day. But I just hate the fact of this whole thing. The guy emailed her a couple months back to say hi to her and and check up and he is not a christian by the way well anyways she told him she is doing fine and not to email her or contact her because her boyfriend(me) means to much to her and she doesnt want to hurt me. What can I do about all the pain, hatred and anger in my heart? Do you guys think this is something that might blow up against me in the future? Will I someday realize i really hate her for this? I know JESUS went through so much compared to what i've gone through and I shouldnt complain like a little girl but its just whats on my heart. Am I sinning by still letting this hurt me and get to me? Is there a way to shrug it off and move on? Please Help

Anonymus

 

[selune]

Well, she did take a great step in telling the other guy to leave off. Forgiveness is key here especially since she seems truly sorry for cheating. Peace.

 

[DaveKerwin]

You need to forgive her. Honestly, truely, and finally.

What is the fruit of forgiveness? Do you have it in your life?

 

[katelyn]

I can understand why you would be distrustful after such a thing...that's natural. But it sounds like she is working to get your trust back. If there is something more she needs to do to get your trust back, then that's something you guys need to work out.

Otherwise, it's really up to you to let go of those images and to forgive. It's not her job to make those images go away in your mind...in fact, there's probably nothing she can really do about it since she's already come to you and repented of what she did.

Pray about it. Pray that God will remove those images from your mind, and that God will help your girlfriend will be strengthened and be able to fight any temptation that comes her way. Maybe even pray for the other guy. I know that probably doesn't sound fun to you, but if you are holding a lot of anger and resentment toward him, that could be part of your problem, and praying for him might help you to let that go. Pray that he will become a Christian and be able to find a girl right for him.

 

[John the Engineer]

I think you're fighting the fact that she did the action and you already said you forgive her so you feel it's over. But then you didn't resolve it in your heart, you didn't truly forgive her, which is what you need to do. At least if you want to continue the relationship.

She sounds like she has the right attitude, she is being open with you and honest. She didn't hide that he contacted her again, she didn't hide that it happened in the first place. She is being open, which is sometimes more worth it than any amount of "proper" acts. Think about it this way, if that was the only thing she ever did to break your trust in the ENTIRE relationship, would you be happy to know she hid it from you instead? She told you, knowing full well you could dump her and it would all be her fault.

Love forgives, but it's not that easy and simple. Celebrate the fact that she's honest and open with you. And something to take comfort in is that if she was open about something that big, then hopefully she will be open about everything and anything that comes up. This is the type of person you probably want to be with. Not someone who tries to hide because they're embarrassed, or once you forgive them simply tries to take it as such and continue without humility and expects you to just "trust" in the future without any regard for the pain you're going through.

Pray about it, let God heal your heart. It won't be easy or simple, but with him you can let go of that image, let go of that pain, and know that you love her completely as the woman of God she is, upright, honest, and open. That is what I would pray for. The Lord can redeem all things.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Well, 1. You're dating and 2. she was honest with you.
If she had previous involvement with this guy, that can create confusion.
Under these circumstances have mercy on her.

 

[robl]

The big issue doesn't seem to be forgiveness for her, but forgiveness for the other dude. Forgive him. If you can't then ask God to help you forgive him. He is faithful and will respond. Also, remember that forgiveness is not a one time event where you do it and POOF, it's all over. It will take forgiving him and your girlfriend daily if necessary until God has freed you. Pray for the salvation of the other dude as well. It is impossible to hate someone when you are praying for their eternal salvation. Ask God to let you see this dude through His eyes and not your own. God loves him.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

She made a mistake. A big one. But, she's showing her maturity by telling you. She's showing that she's trying to rebuild the trust she broke by saying bye to this guy and telling you when he contacts her. It's your move from here. She's doing all she can. What's your reponse to that? Forgiveness is a progress that can take a long time and a lot of energy. But it's worth it. You can't move on until you forgive her and forgive this guy as well. And you're really going to have to try and work hard at it. But if you care for this girl as much you say, you'll be willing to work on it.

 

[JahRawks]

I agree with everyone here, you're still dating this girl, which means you still love her, in spite of what she did, you need to just continue to forgive her, and to forgive the guy, and yes, pray for his salvation. She was open with you, and you need to open with her, if you're struggling, I say tell her, that way everything is out in the open with her, and the two of you can deal with it together, open yourself up to her like she opened herself up to you, pray with her, ask her to pray for you, both of you pray for the guy, prayer is a key to forgiveness, without prayer, I don't think it's possible to truly forgive someone, just continue to pray and trust in God's will for your life.

 

[superbear02]

Give it up to God...thers nothing more that can be done...she obviously means a lot to you and you to her...forgiveness is the key...its hard to trust after youve been hurt so bad but has she given you any other reason to not trust her?