Question about age difference

[cloudstrife007]

Hi there,
I'm not one who jumps into relationships, but sometimes I feel that I think too much and don't act. I've been praying about it and reading the bible to find some peace. Still don't know what to do. So I'd appreciate some thoughts from Christians on my issue.
I have developed feelings for a church friend who is about to turn 19 and I'm nearly turning 25. She seems to be everything God would want in a Christian woman (loves Jesus) but I'm hesitant to even be considered by her due to the age difference, particularly in regards to friends and social groups (I feel that Christian relationships involve not just 2 people but also the community around them for them aswell for the relationship to be effective in spurring each other and others towards God).

She's in her 2nd year of university and I'm back studying in my first year of a postgraduate degree. Obviously we have common friends at church where there is a wide age range, but I think the bulk of her friends would all be 18-20 and most of my friends are 21-25.

Is it something I should even worry over? Maybe she just won't like me and it will end it at that. I'd like to ask people in relationships with 5+ year age gaps, how did you guys end up together and around what age? How did you manage the friendship circles early on?

Thanks.

 

[Dionysiou]

mate, i have seen relationships with a 10 yr difference. 6 years is a big deal to some but shes over 18 and will probably prefer an older, more mature man. If i were you i would go for it. seriously man if shes everything that your looking for and you think that its from God then forget the rest and get to know her and see how things go. I wouldnt announce it straight up, but take it easy and see what happens. Just make sure that she knows how you feel about her and bada bing bada boom goodtimes are coming .

 

[Melethiel]

When my boyfriend and I started dating, I was 19, and he was 25. It hasn't been a problem. Go for it.
As far as friendship circles go, most of my friends are older than me, 23-25.

 

[gzt]

It isn't that bad, though you do have to consider that you're at slightly different stages of life. Which isn't a dealbreaker by any means, it's just something to be aware of.

 

[katautumn]

I was twenty-three and my husband was thirty-nine when we met. Aside from the reality that he will age before I will and I'll likely have to take care of him, we have no problems compatibility-wise. If you like her then go for it. Girls generally mature faster than guys anyway, so you may be surprised how well your maturity levels match up.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

My wife is 5 years younger than me. One of my best mates is getting married to a bloke who is I believe around 12-14 years her senior. He's a great guy and they have my blessing.

 

[Faith Hope& Love]

I agree with the others. I don't see why there should be a problem based upon the age. Maturity differences could be a factor (but could even if two individuals were the same age). Nothing you have said about her indicates that this will be an issue. The only way you will know if the two of you are truly compatible is to go for it and give it a shot. You lose nothing by asking her out.

 

[martie]

me and my boyfriend got together at 19 and 26. It hasn't worried his friends or my friends (apart from the odd joke). She might be wary of getting involved with you because of the age difference, but if she's not, I'm sure everyone else around you will get used to it pretty fast

edit: my aunt and her husband have been together for over twenty years. They're sixteen years apart. They met when she was in her twenties and he was in his fourties. They're doing fine

 

[cloudstrife007]

Thanks so much for the encouraging words.
Not sure if it's my rational mind or my chickenness kicking in, but I'm reluctant to speak up because I haven't felt much interest from her. We need some risks in our lives and I'm fully aware of that and learning to step up as a male Christian.
I honestly do like her because of her personality and love for God, but speaking out when I don't feel much interest from her feels a bit selfish and unloving as a brother in Christ if it could potentially just make her feel awkward around me afterwards.

 

[The Nihilist]

Thanks so much for the encouraging words.
Not sure if it's my rational mind or my chickenness kicking in, but I'm reluctant to speak up because I haven't felt much interest from her. We need some risks in our lives and I'm fully aware of that and learning to step up as a male Christian.
I honestly do like her because of her personality and love for God, but speaking out when I don't feel much interest from her feels a bit selfish and unloving as a brother in Christ if it could potentially just make her feel awkward around me afterwards.

Yeah, I'd sit tight if I were you. Work some magic, and wait until you get some positive feedback. Otherwise, you're wasting your time.

 

[citizenthom]

Thanks so much for the encouraging words.
Not sure if it's my rational mind or my chickenness kicking in, but I'm reluctant to speak up because I haven't felt much interest from her.

If you don't start feeling it once your actions start to match your feelings, do not push it. The biggest concern with someone that much younger is that she doesn't really know what she wants--a problem older folks like us don't have as much anymore. If she's wishy-washy, she's not ready for a mature relationship with someone who is moving on in life.

That, and when the girl is not interested, "genuine older guy" becomes "major creeper" pretty quickly in most people's eyes. You neither want nor deserve that tag. Make sure she's beyond that kind of thinking before you press forward.