putting up with pain

[KayJay2000]

I have a question that I feel little silly asking.

I was emotionally, verbally and physically abused by my mum throughout my childhood. I was raped as a teenager and I am now in an abusive marriage.

I have suffered with really bad migraines for over 20 years. The pain is unbearable and stops me from functioning properly. I can't find any non prescription pills that do anything to help. I hate going to the doctors and after 20 years I have only just seen a doctor. The problem is my doctor thinks that I'm exagerating about the pain as I have put up with it for so long. I know I don't go to the doctors because I almost see myself as not being that important and also I hate talking to doctors and I begin to panic.

A thought just came to my head and I am wondering whether I am subconsciously not sorting out the pain as it is a way of covering up and trying to block out the emotional pain from the past and present. I'm just wondering if that makes sense and is possible? Does this happen to anyone else?

 

[Devorim]

Wow. You are carrying a lot of stuff.

Just so you will know my perspective, my mother was also abusive, doctors also thought I was exaggerating, and I don't go to doctors either because I haven't had good dr experience since 1995 or so.

I don't know the answer to your question, however. I'm just hoping someone comes along side you to confirm whatever is true. I just suggest that you may be questioning yourself and your insights because:
* Mothers are loving and protective; yours was not; that would make anyone question what they think, their responses to life, etc.
* Doctors are supposed to help, not belittle; so why did your dr negate your true feelings/responses?
* You are the best judge of what you are going through: try to accept what you think of it.

 

[KayJoy]

I have a question that I feel little silly asking.

I was emotionally, verbally and physically abused by my mum throughout my childhood. I was raped as a teenager and I am now in an abusive marriage.

I have suffered with really bad migraines for over 20 years. The pain is unbearable and stops me from functioning properly. I can't find any non prescription pills that do anything to help. I hate going to the doctors and after 20 years I have only just seen a doctor. The problem is my doctor thinks that I'm exagerating about the pain as I have put up with it for so long. I know I don't go to the doctors because I almost see myself as not being that important and also I hate talking to doctors and I begin to panic.

A thought just came to my head and I am wondering whether I am subconsciously not sorting out the pain as it is a way of covering up and trying to block out the emotional pain from the past and present. I'm just wondering if that makes sense and is possible? Does this happen to anyone else?

Do you have a high pain tolerance? I do, and so it's hard for me to even communicate to someone when I'm in pain or the level of pain. When I was birthing one of my children, the nurses were amazed that I wasn't reacting majorly to the contractions being as strong as they were on the monitor. And a few years later, birthing another baby, my midwife asked me specifically to let her know when I was having contractions, because I learned to disconnect from the feeling of pain. Do you feel this may apply to you? I wonder why a doctor would say you're exaggerating... sometimes we live with pain so long, we learn to function with it and others can't look at us and tell we're in physical pain....

 

[faroukfarouk]

Do you have a high pain tolerance? I do, and so it's hard for me to even communicate to someone when I'm in pain or the level of pain. When I was birthing one of my children, the nurses were amazed that I wasn't reacting majorly to the contractions being as strong as they were on the monitor. And a few years later, birthing another baby, my midwife asked me specifically to let her know when I was having contractions, because I learned to disconnect from the feeling of pain. Do you feel this may apply to you? I wonder why a doctor would say you're exaggerating... sometimes we live with pain so long, we learn to function with it and others can't look at us and tell we're in physical pain....

Are you a different person from KayJay? (Sometimes screen names can be rather similar, I know.) Sorry about KayJay's deep issues.

 

[KayJoy]

Are you a different person from KayJay? (Sometimes screen names can be rather similar, I know.) Sorry about KayJay's deep issues.

Yes, I'm a separate person, lol.

 

[faroukfarouk]

When I was in hospital getting jabbed with needles, it was commented on my high pain tolerance, but this of course is in a separate context from the deep troubles of the OP.

 

[parsley]

I wonder if there are migraine forums that you could roam through and pick up tips. Among my friends, one gets them from dairy products, another wheat, another dehydration, another low blood sugar. Whether those are triggers or causes I don't know. I know one person who goes to sleep as soon as they sense them coming on, and they are sometimes able to sleep through them.

Make sure not to blame your thought processes. You think the way you do, to cope with what comes up in life. Your brain takes what it has learned, and new input, and forms logical conclusions. Other people can help reshape reactions toward a healthier conclusion, but you have done what you thought beneficial at the time.

There also might be a connection between current abuse and his frustration with not knowing how to help your pain. Husbands sometimes want quick fixes for complex burdens, and then react out of fear, not being able to control things and make them perfect. Then blame the person who was enduring the suffering that couldn't be fixed. (A twisted way of caring.) We are humans with frailty and sensitivities, with limits to what we can do.

I'd guess you'd be trying and trying to diminish migraines for yourself, but also to keep peace in the household...look like you're being productive when you can't. Migraines are day-stoppers, and people who get them can't do much to stop them.

I've had other sorts of chronic pain and wondered the same thing. I was reading about allergies being the body overreacting, trying too hard to prevent things, and seemed to find help in that. Allowing myself to relax more, breathe deeper and taking in more oxygen instead of tightening up and reducing the intake.

I knew a woman with fibro who said many abused women end up with fibromyalgia. There is definitely a connection between body and mind, so the body probably tenses up to prevent future harm or deal with potential pain some other way. Not that tension is the cause, but integrated with the pain.

I hope you find things that help!