Put on the whole armor of God

[chosenpath]

Ephesians 6:11
Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

I had three marriages that ended in divorce due to infidelity. Because of their infidelity I thought I did something wrong. I went to counseling and even attended a Christian based 12 step co-dependency support group. In addition I began a bible study journey. I was baptized as an infant and believed in God. I even read scripture which I came to realize I knew nothing about (Proverbs 9:10). As I was taught God's word through Jesus I acknowledged that I needed some refining and polishing (2Peter 3). Thus I began the changes needed to serve the Lord . My family did not understand these changes and wanted me to get into another relationship. This was not the relationship I was looking for(Acts 26:20). I was developing my relationship with God and his son Jesus. I repented
and made my vow to God. If it was in God's will for me to marry again I vowed to God I would not get divorced. I received a Love never experienced before and that emptiness was filled. Five years later I met a man who displayed Christian qualities. When he asked me to marry him I explained the vow I had made to God. He said he would not get a divorce either (he had already been married twice). Approximately one month after our marriage he threatened annulment and divorce. In addition to this I'm concerned he might be committing adultry(I know the warning signs after experiencing it three times the hard way). I asked him about this and he claims I'm accusing him and if I believe this to divorce him because it is permittable to divorce on the basis of adultry. I do not want to break my vow to God. Please I need enouragement.

 

[DZoolander]

Why would you make such a vow to God to begin with? Why would you promise to "never get divorced" - which means regardless of circumstance? I refuse to believe that God would want us to stay in a relationship which is unilateral and full of deceit. Why would you think that this would somehow be pleasing to God? I think you're just setting yourself up for this type of trauma when you make those kinds of oaths.

...and wow...4 for 4? I mean - I can understand getting into a bad marriage where it goes south due to something like infidelity. I can understand it happening twice... but four times? The fourth time happening this quickly?

What kind of guys are you picking? Statistically - even granting bad luck - that just seems kinda out of whack to me.

 

[chosenpath]

What kind of guys are you picking? Statistically - even granting bad luck - that just seems kinda out of whack to me.[/quote]

Exactly, thats why after the third marriage I went to extensive counseling. I thought something was wrong with me. I found I needed some improvement (refining), but their infidelity was not my fault. They made that choice I didn't make them do it. Thats why I turned to God for five years. Believe me I couldn't understand it myself. There was a long courtship with each relationship before each marriage and there was no warning signs that they would cheat. A matter of fact my second ex said he would never do that to me. I could go into detail on each marriage and how the divorce came about but it's something I would like to put behind me. As far as why would I make such a vow to God that I would not get another divorce. Isn't that quite obvious you said yourself 4 for 4. I can only imagine what God is thinking. I put away the old self and put on the new. I'm going to stick it out this time. I love God with my whole being
and want to please him and I do love my husband. Encouragement is what I need right now. Every now and again I get discouraged. Thank you for your concern.

 

[PerrySB]

There are two sides to every story. Did you ask any of your ex husbands why they committed adultery? Why would a man imply annulment if the marriage had already been consummated? The number one excuse men give for infidelity is they were not being sexually satisfied at home. That is an invalid excuse but it is sometimes the motivating factor for it. When you were dating these men did let them see your true personality? Did you go through any marriage counseling with a pastor or Christian counselors before making the decision to get married? I suppose what I’m saying is have you taken a very honest look at your part in this?
I’m not implying that you are at fault for their infidelity because they are the ones that sinned. What I wonder is if did any of them confront you on any issues in your relationships that they felt you needed to work on? If so this might give you a little insight as to what is going wrong.
You have made a vow to God and you need to understand the importance of keeping that vow?

 

[rppearso]

Not being sexually satisfied at home was a cause to extreme depression in my previous marriage on my part and my ex finally left becasue I was extremely withdrawn and barely had the energy to keep my job, I hated my life and hated being with my wife (I dont hate her as a person but I hated being with her), so while a crappy sex life is not a reason to cheat its definatly neglect and abandonment and is cause for divorce. I am so happy she walked out on me, my life has been so much better with my new GF. I would wager to guess you are one of these guys that does not think its ok to divorce for sexual neglect but it is ok for the wife to divorce if the husband is depressed and is emotionally neglecting his wife because of the depression.

I agree some guys are just scmucks and cheat for no reason (because the girl is cuter or has a tight butt or something), but if he stumbled because of sexual neglect are you really going to be "that guy" that casts the first stone, the bible even says you are greatly subjected to falling when sexual neglect is present why this is 100% ignored by the church is beyond me, in fact in these every man books they try to write that scripture off as not even being valid how messed up is that.

Also be very careful what "christian" counselor you get often times they give you advice that is not even based in reality or not in your best interest, my ex and I were sleeping together before we were married and you know what the "christian" counselors advice was....you better get married right away not anything about how to help us determine if we will be compatable or anything like that, he should have been happy we were in there at all trying to get help instead he went way off the deep end. How is "the world" suppost to take the church seriously when people in church act like this. The church is sick and needs a reality check badly, the sad thing is not every one in church is like that but there is enough bad apples (zealots) to screw things up. I tried to get this point across in the church and get people talking about it because it is the cause of many divorces and all they wanted to do what sweep it under the rug, well guess what im not going to live my life like that, if people want to tip toe around the 300 lb gorilla in the room instead of dealing with it then they can live in a dilusinal fantisy land but im not.

There are two sides to every story. Did you ask any of your ex husbands why they committed adultery? Why would a man imply annulment if the marriage had already been consummated? The number one excuse men give for infidelity is they were not being sexually satisfied at home. That is an invalid excuse but it is sometimes the motivating factor for it. When you were dating these men did let them see your true personality? Did you go through any marriage counseling with a pastor or Christian counselors before making the decision to get married? I suppose what I’m saying is have you taken a very honest look at your part in this?
I’m not implying that you are at fault for their infidelity because they are the ones that sinned. What I wonder is if did any of them confront you on any issues in your relationships that they felt you needed to work on? If so this might give you a little insight as to what is going wrong.
You have made a vow to God and you need to understand the importance of keeping that vow?

 

[eatenbylocusts]

You don't have to answer this question, but I'm wondering if you had sex with your current and ex-hs before marriage? If they were willing to have sex before marriage then I would be wondering about their devotion to God (not to mention the woman's part in it).

But, you want to save your marriage so I will say that you should pray and be the best possible wife possible with God's help. Wishing is not enough. You have to get help through counseling. If he won't go then start on your own. Do you have people in your church praying for you? Is your husband accountable to any Christian men?

One of the things that I am looking for in a potential mate is that he is involved in some kind of men's group where he will be held accountable, mentored, etc.

 

[rppearso]

Just make sure the mentoring and accounabilty is balanced because if the accountability is bogus it will not end well. both partners have to meet each other equally if either has walls or barriers it wont work.