Pursue or Give Up?

[JasperJackson]

I need some advice...

I'm trying to work out the nature of a relationship that I have with a girl. We're really good friends and I really love spending as much time with her as possible. And over the last couple of months our relationship has changed. We seem closer. But maybe we're just becoming really good friends, and that's all. I don't know...

So my question is, at what point do you decide to give up? It's not that I don't think she's worth it. She's wonderful! Funny, lovely, patient, strong... But what kinds of signs should I be looking out for that God wants us to be together?

My problem is, I've only ever really known rejection. And if I keep pursuing a relationship with her and it doesn't work out, then I don't know if I could ever recover.

Also, she played a significant part in my becoming a Christian in the first place, so I can't get the idea out of my head that maybe God only brought her into my life so that He would show Himself to me. And that that is the nature of our relationship.

I'm sure I'm treading familiar territory, but do you have any tips?

 

[peanutbutter12]

You could just ask her where the relationship is going and inform her where you're hoping it's going. No point beating around the bush and torturing yourself; just be upfront and be a man about it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. You move on from it. But being timid about it and just letting time pass will not help you in any way. Especially if she expects you to make a move forward or if she finds someone else while you were busy worrying about it and doing nothing.

You've got nothing to lose.

 

[brokenman]

You and I are VERY much in the same boat as far as all we know is rejection (in my case failure). But regardless what happens, if you do it or don't, you HAVE to move past it, learn from it, and leave it behind.

As for your relationship. So you have been close friends and she is a influential role in your relationship with God...so you start dating, then what? To what benefit to your relationships (with her and with God) would they get if you started dating her.

I don't know if you are considering giving up on dating her or the friendship in general. But like terrasin said, talk to her, be honest and loving in what you say. Ask her if she feels the same, where she sees this relationship going (if anywhere). If she doesn't feel the same way, that's fine, you don't have to stop being her friend.

God doesn't put secret signs for you to hunt for like a tresure. If you are following Christ faithfully, then He may reveal the "way." If not, then go in faith, because God is with you in whatever decision you make if you have in first and foremost in that decision.

God Bless!

 

[ImperialPhantom]

If she rejects you, there are hundreds of millions more women in the world. If you don't go for it, you chance of success is 0 percent.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Tell her you're interested and if the feeling is not mutual then move on.

 

[JasperJackson]

Thanks everyone. Deep down I guess I always realised I need to talk to her. I've asked her out a few times, under the pretense of friends hanging out. But she's always been too busy, or maybe she's just saying she's too busy. So that's what I meant by when do I stop pursuing...?

Thanks again,
JJ

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I just re-read your original post and noticed you said that if pursuing a relationship with her does not work out, you don't know if you could recover. For the record, I think you would be able to recover if she rejected you. It would hurt for a while, but you could choose what sort of attitude to approach it with. You could say to yourself, "Well I guess God's purpose for putting this person in my life was to bring me closer to Him after all. Just because I was rejected now doesn't mean I will always be rejected. God will bring someone into my life when I am ready" or you could say, "OK another rejection, so I'm going to base every future experience off of this and never try again". It is up to you. If you really think that your mental health will decline if she is not interested in a relationship, maybe now is not the time to be looking for a relationship. On the other hand, you are probably overestimating the impact she will have on you. Yes, it may hurt and bring you down in the short term, but it does not have to bring you down for the long run.

If I had not read the part about you being worried that you couldn't recover from her rejecting you, I would have said to be straight forward with her and tell her you don't just want to hang out as friends. And hopefully she would return the favor and be straight forward with you by saying that she either is or is not interested in doing that.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

(opps double post)

 

[JasperJackson]

Thanks maycontainnuts. I probably was being a bit too dramatic. Actually I was probably still using my atheistic mindset (I've only been a Christian for a little over 1 month and am still getting used to having a different outlook on life.) Thanks for helping me realise that!
The old me used to really struggle with rejection - so much so that I hardly ever even bothered asking a girl out. But I know now that's no way to live. The old me also never thought there was one and only one partner for everyone. I don't believe that anymore.

So, I will definitely talk to this girl... eventually. Not saying I want to keep delaying it, but when the time seems right, we'll have a good chat. And if we're meant to be, then I'll be thanking God a million times over. If not, well I'll just need to pray for patience...

Thanks again,
JJ

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Good luck. I used to be an athiest, too. I became a Christian in 2002 and it did take a lot of adjusting.

 

[Ave Maria]

Don't just persue her, ask her out! Its the only way you'll ever find out. And don't worry if she does reject you. You will get over it with time. Most everybody does except for those with serious problems who need therapy.

 

[koban4max]

I need some advice...

I'm trying to work out the nature of a relationship that I have with a girl. We're really good friends and I really love spending as much time with her as possible. And over the last couple of months our relationship has changed. We seem closer. But maybe we're just becoming really good friends, and that's all. I don't know...

So my question is, at what point do you decide to give up? It's not that I don't think she's worth it. She's wonderful! Funny, lovely, patient, strong... But what kinds of signs should I be looking out for that God wants us to be together?

My problem is, I've only ever really known rejection. And if I keep pursuing a relationship with her and it doesn't work out, then I don't know if I could ever recover.

Also, she played a significant part in my becoming a Christian in the first place, so I can't get the idea out of my head that maybe God only brought her into my life so that He would show Himself to me. And that that is the nature of our relationship.

I'm sure I'm treading familiar territory, but do you have any tips?

Hmm..i get along with my girlfriend very well...we are like best friend and best lover....maybe u need to arouse her...yeah?

 

[Greatcloud]

It is commendable that you are going to talk to this lady and want to see if you can be serious. Just remember if you receive a negative response ask why. You may be suprised to find it is not over and there are just some issues to deal with.

I lost a good woman by not finding out what was going on with us. Sticking to it and pursuing her are good but you also need expression,like talking with her,give her flowers,a card on holidays ect........... The only other thing I would say for you right now is pray every day about your togetherness.

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