punishing children

[ReUsAbLePhEoNiX]

Any advice on how to punish children?
I have a 9 year old daughter, the only method to get her to listen ( such as cleaning her room) is to threaten spanking, which I follow thru maybe once a week or less.
She battles me over everything until she sees the wooden spoon, and then she is motivated to do it.
She doesnt seem to hold any anger towards me as she is happy and affectionate with me when I give her positive feedback afterwards for a job well done,even when I had to spank her before,

Any advice?

 

[Volos]

Ultimately what you are teaching her is that violence or the threat of violence is an appropriate way to solve problems.



Worse when you threaten something someday your child will call your bluff on the matter. My best advice is to choose your battles and choose them carefully. Ask yourself if the result of this fight will make any difference in a week or a month or a year. Chances are that a clean room this week will not matter in a year.



There are a number of good books out there on raising children without hitting them, most give solid advice, go to your library and do some reading and try to figure out the best method to help in your situation.

 

[SabreWolf/SS]

Ultimately what you are teaching her is that violence or the threat of violence is an appropriate way to solve problems.



Worse when you threaten something someday your child will call your bluff on the matter. My best advice is to choose your battles and choose them carefully. Ask yourself if the result of this fight will make any difference in a week or a month or a year. Chances are that a clean room this week will not matter in a year.



There are a number of good books out there on raising children without hitting them, most give solid advice, go to your library and do some reading and try to figure out the best method to help in your situation.

That is liberal BS at its best. What you need to do is spank your child more often and tell her one time. Your child will learn when you speak, you mean business.

 

[Myah]

Well, personally and I know that in the past I would have been horrified that I'd even say this, but I for one am glad that my parents spanked me. I learned quickly that my actions would have reprocussions. When I did something right, I recieved positive feedback. When I did wrong, I learned not to do it again. Sure, I hated it when I was a kid, but looking back I'm glad for it.

 

[LightBearer]

Any advice on how to punish children?
I have a 9 year old daughter, the only method to get her to listen ( such as cleaning her room) is to threaten spanking, which I follow thru maybe once a week or less.
She battles me over everything until she sees the wooden spoon, and then she is motivated to do it.
She doesnt seem to hold any anger towards me as she is happy and affectionate with me when I give her positive feedback afterwards for a job well done,even when I had to spank her before,

Any advice?

Hi ReUsAbLePhEoNiX,

Punish may not be quite the right word, discipline would be more appropriate.

It all depends on the child. The scriptures advise: "Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it".

Each child responds differently to discipline. For some just a LOOK does the job but for others maybe a spank is needed. Treat each child as an individual, what works for some does not work for others. As the parent you would know the best approach under any given circunstances. But any discipline should never be administered in anger and always out of love.

Best regards,
LB

 

[transientlife]

I think that physical discipline should be the very LAST resort with children. I was only ever spanked once in my entire childhood, otherwise I was usually punished by being made to sit somewhere and not move for 15 minutes or so. Usually, if you raise your child to know that No means NO or else, then IDEALLY physical discipline would be a rarity. So many children nowadays know that their parents are pushovers and don't mean what they say that trying to correct it later on is harder if not impossible. Of course, the people who can't discern discipline from abuse crying foul at every turn doesn't ease the cause either. I agree with another poster who said they were glad that they got spanked, I too learned that when mom said no she meant it and deliberately disobeying her would have consequences...and not the halfhearted time outs or other passive approaches that only work a portion of the time.

 

[Volos]

Originally posted by :

SabreWolf/SS



That is liberal BS at its best. What you need to do is spank your child more often and tell her one time. Your child will learn when you speak, you mean business.

And if it doesn’t what do you recommend then?

Kicking her in the midsection?

Breaking a bone or two?



Do you advocate the same thing for adults?

Grandma got cought speeding? A few whacks by a police man’s nightstik would shure go along way to make sure she doesn’t do it again.

 

[Havoc]

Well you could send a bear to tear her up a little.... that's Biblical.

 

[theseed]

Well you could send a bear to tear her up a little.... that's Biblical.

I wonder if that was completely random, or if it had to do with making fun of God's prophet or just for making fun of him being bald

 

[theseed]

I've worked with children for a few years now, and I could not spank them. Spanking is not the best option, and if it is all you rely on then you will find it much harder to discipline.

You can uses time outs, grounding, and natural and logical consequences.

A logical consequence would be paying for something you broke, while a natural consequence would be going to school in your pajamas because you did not want to get out of bed.

I will try to find more info to post, but this Adlerian stuff that I'm talking about is gold when it comes to parenting.

 

[theseed]

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/hstein/dealing.htm

Here is a link that discusses in depth what I am talking about. I believe that you will find that natural consequences will be more effective that spanking. Can spank her as a teenager, it would just be wierd since she is a girl and your a man.

And a spoon is probably considered child abuse in many states.

 

[theseed]

Grandma got cought speeding? A few whacks by a police man’s nightstik would shure go along way to make sure she doesn’t do it again.

As humorus as this is, it should be obvious that violence is often an effective means of getting people to do what you want them to do--it may be immoral--but it is effective nevertheless.

In Signapore the crime rate is very low because they cain people for breaking the laws.

 

[Volos]

I agree that the threat of violence is an effective means of forcing compliance but that it is also one filled with ethical issues.

My point was to ask why it is appropriate or good to use physical violence on one’s children as a means of forcing them to comply with rules but it is inappropriate or bad to use violence to force adults to comply with legal rules.

 

[theseed]

I agree that the threat of violence is an effective means of forcing compliance but that it is also one filled with ethical issues.

My point was to ask why it is appropriate or good to use physical violence on one’s children as a means of forcing them to comply with rules but it is inappropriate or bad to use violence to force adults to comply with legal rules.

Very good question. I will probably never spank my children and I don't favor it. I think it is the easy way out. However. many adults were spanked as kids and they are well adjusted. So it also depends alot on the bigger picture such has how much acceptance the parents express to thier children.

high displine + high acceptance = highest self-esteem (authorative)
high discipline + low acceptance = lowest self-esteem (aurthoritarian)
low displine + low self-esteem = 2nd hightest self-esteem (permissive)

 

[Faith In God]

Proverbs says that we are not to keep from using "the rod" to correct children

 

[theseed]

Proverbs says that we are not to keep from using "the rod" to correct children

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positivedisciplineresourcecenter/id4.html

 

[Little Showoff]

When I become a parent, I don't think I could ever hit them. I don't care what the Bible has to say in the matter. Just because someone isn't listening doesn't mean you smack them around.

There are two little girls I often look after, and one of them is what you would call a "spirited" child. I find time outs work best for her, especially if she knows you're playing with her sister in the next room.. hee hee.

Spanking a child? No, never could. You don't use violence against little children.

PS- I was never spanked, and I'm a perfect angel!

 

[The Bellman]

Say what you will, but spanking a child - particularly with a wooden spoon - is physical abuse. It should NEVER be done. All it does is train the child that violence is a good way to solve their problems.

 

[Adam Kadamon]

I don't think corporeal or any kind if physical punishment is good for children.
Other than the fact that it teaches that violence is an OK solution, it doesn't remedy the problem.

I always compare it to animal conditioning. I read a book once on that said if you spray a cat with water when he jumps on the counter, eventually he will stop because he doesn't like to get sprayed.

I've always thought of spanking the same way. "If I do this, I'll get a spanking". As I child, I never completely understood why what I was doing was wrong. Maybe this isn't true for all, but that's the way I felt.

I could never spank my children...or spray my cats with water.

 

[Invader Pichu]

In some cases, spanking/hitting a child is needed. When other methods don't work, for instance. Some children are just so hard headed that they need physical punishment.