J
JoyinChrist09
Guest
I've been walking with God for about 4 years now.
I started from scratch (I didn't even know what the Trinity was) because I grew up in an atheist home.
Might I add my family didn't want anything to do with Christianity (I sometimes had to lie about going to Bible study).
I'm female, 32 years old.
One thing I always wanted was to have a compatible, splendid marriage with a man - and yes children (but marriage was always my fantasy).
I experienced a major romantic loss just before I turned to God.
And when I read the Bible and prayed, I felt God didn't want me to marry but I wanted to believe it came from the Devil.
Looking back on these four years I have refined into becoming Psalm 31 (through Jesus' Name of course) and that if I was to marry tomorrow, I would be a good wife.
That being said, my romantic life was not happy.
I experienced some boyfriends, most were Christian, a few were on the fence.
But they were not kind men (yes Christian men can be very mean).
I felt like God was punishing me.
I felt like God doesn't like me as much as my married Christian sisters.
I somtimes felt like He hates me and likes to see me hurt.
During this time, I felt like my pain, the symbol of my Cross was my pain of being rejected romantically.
I felt totally abandoned.
I was listening to sermons of Joni Eareckson Tada and was really focusing on the symbol of the Cross, Crucifixion and Resurrection.
God provided woman Christian friends who were experiencing major problems at work.
I repeated to them verbally over and over again that with the Cross comes the Resurrection. And that God uses pain and suffering to bring glory to His name.
I was comforting them sincerely but I was also trying to comfort myself.
Well, about six months ago I met the man of my dreams. He was generous in every way possible and we were compatible in most areas of our lives.
We had excellent communication to polish any scratch marks between us.
He became close to some of my family members and word got back to me that he wanted to propose shortly.
I never forgot Jesus, I was refined enough to NOT replace this man as my God, but I truly felt that God was rewarding me for all my years of suffering from romantic loneliness.
I was ready heart, head and body (in His Name) to be a good wife.
And then out of the blue this man told me he can't date me anymore.
I was beyond stunned and asked why, his reponse was there was no reason he just felt we would be better off as friends.
And then he hung up the phone.
I felt so hurt and betrayed.
Where was God?
Was He listening?
Was He silent?
I felt like all those words I gave as comfort to myself and my friends (from the Bible!) were totally bogus....
Were was the resurrection?
Was there such thing as the resurrection?
Well, I was listening to Christian radio on my way to see a psychiatrist (to get some anti-depressants) when a sermon came onto the radio regarding Psalm 22.
I was blessed enough to hear the entire sermon.
I've read this Psalm before and always connected it to my romantic loneliness but this time I experienced a bit of a resurrection (so to speak).
I always connected to the Psalms because they describe David's emotions of sadness and pain.
But I wouldn't quite connect to his self-reminder that God has kept and keeps His promises....
I would say it (to my friends/myself) but wouldn't connect with the words.
Well, this time something amazing happened.
The pastor discussed the emotional pain of this psalm which I felt I knew very well of.
But he also discussed the other verses which discuss the decendants of Jacob and His promise to heal our wounds (the resurrection).
Well, for the first time I placed myself as one of Abraham's decendants.
I never did before, I think because I lived many years in an Atheist house and probably felt like a 'visitor' in Jesus' house.
But this time, I truly TRULY felt I was a decendant of Abraham and I worship a God who is the God of Abraham the God of Jacob the God of Isaiah.
And then I discovered/felt that this Bible is written for me, and that I am entitled to the same promises that the characters in the Bible were guaranteed.
Abraham was guaranteed a son.
Jacob was promised protection/safety.
Joseph's dreams came true.
(etc.)
I don't know what my promises are, and I am still single to this day.
But I do know that He has a resurrection of some kind in store for me.
It might be a happy ending.
It might be having the marriage I've always dreamed of.
It might be discovered I am 1000x happier being single and never struggling with lust again.
I don't know.
But I do know, I have experienced, through years of torment of being romantically lonely, that because of the Cross (sharing Jesus' experience) I became a true descendant of Abraham.
When my true resurrection occurs (and I'll know when it does) I'll be sure to post on this message board and tell you what it was (is).
James 5:10-11 Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
I started from scratch (I didn't even know what the Trinity was) because I grew up in an atheist home.
Might I add my family didn't want anything to do with Christianity (I sometimes had to lie about going to Bible study).
I'm female, 32 years old.
One thing I always wanted was to have a compatible, splendid marriage with a man - and yes children (but marriage was always my fantasy).
I experienced a major romantic loss just before I turned to God.
And when I read the Bible and prayed, I felt God didn't want me to marry but I wanted to believe it came from the Devil.
Looking back on these four years I have refined into becoming Psalm 31 (through Jesus' Name of course) and that if I was to marry tomorrow, I would be a good wife.
That being said, my romantic life was not happy.
I experienced some boyfriends, most were Christian, a few were on the fence.
But they were not kind men (yes Christian men can be very mean).
I felt like God was punishing me.
I felt like God doesn't like me as much as my married Christian sisters.
I somtimes felt like He hates me and likes to see me hurt.
During this time, I felt like my pain, the symbol of my Cross was my pain of being rejected romantically.
I felt totally abandoned.
I was listening to sermons of Joni Eareckson Tada and was really focusing on the symbol of the Cross, Crucifixion and Resurrection.
God provided woman Christian friends who were experiencing major problems at work.
I repeated to them verbally over and over again that with the Cross comes the Resurrection. And that God uses pain and suffering to bring glory to His name.
I was comforting them sincerely but I was also trying to comfort myself.
Well, about six months ago I met the man of my dreams. He was generous in every way possible and we were compatible in most areas of our lives.
We had excellent communication to polish any scratch marks between us.
He became close to some of my family members and word got back to me that he wanted to propose shortly.
I never forgot Jesus, I was refined enough to NOT replace this man as my God, but I truly felt that God was rewarding me for all my years of suffering from romantic loneliness.
I was ready heart, head and body (in His Name) to be a good wife.
And then out of the blue this man told me he can't date me anymore.
I was beyond stunned and asked why, his reponse was there was no reason he just felt we would be better off as friends.
And then he hung up the phone.
I felt so hurt and betrayed.
Where was God?
Was He listening?
Was He silent?
I felt like all those words I gave as comfort to myself and my friends (from the Bible!) were totally bogus....
Were was the resurrection?
Was there such thing as the resurrection?
Well, I was listening to Christian radio on my way to see a psychiatrist (to get some anti-depressants) when a sermon came onto the radio regarding Psalm 22.
I was blessed enough to hear the entire sermon.
I've read this Psalm before and always connected it to my romantic loneliness but this time I experienced a bit of a resurrection (so to speak).
I always connected to the Psalms because they describe David's emotions of sadness and pain.
But I wouldn't quite connect to his self-reminder that God has kept and keeps His promises....
I would say it (to my friends/myself) but wouldn't connect with the words.
Well, this time something amazing happened.
The pastor discussed the emotional pain of this psalm which I felt I knew very well of.
But he also discussed the other verses which discuss the decendants of Jacob and His promise to heal our wounds (the resurrection).
Well, for the first time I placed myself as one of Abraham's decendants.
I never did before, I think because I lived many years in an Atheist house and probably felt like a 'visitor' in Jesus' house.
But this time, I truly TRULY felt I was a decendant of Abraham and I worship a God who is the God of Abraham the God of Jacob the God of Isaiah.
And then I discovered/felt that this Bible is written for me, and that I am entitled to the same promises that the characters in the Bible were guaranteed.
Abraham was guaranteed a son.
Jacob was promised protection/safety.
Joseph's dreams came true.
(etc.)
I don't know what my promises are, and I am still single to this day.
But I do know that He has a resurrection of some kind in store for me.
It might be a happy ending.
It might be having the marriage I've always dreamed of.
It might be discovered I am 1000x happier being single and never struggling with lust again.
I don't know.
But I do know, I have experienced, through years of torment of being romantically lonely, that because of the Cross (sharing Jesus' experience) I became a true descendant of Abraham.
When my true resurrection occurs (and I'll know when it does) I'll be sure to post on this message board and tell you what it was (is).
James 5:10-11 Brothers, as an example of patience in the face of suffering, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.
