Proper attitude

I am young and it was only two years for me between starting to ttc and holding my son in my arms. But I had some miscarriages in there. I had a bit of family history of difficulty conceiving/miscarriage (my parents, for example, started young and wanted a large family but only ever carried me to term so I'm an only child), and then I found out I have a blood clotting disorder which gives me a very low chance of successfully carrying to term. I got waaaay down about it. For me it really was an 'if' not a 'when'. I have been lectured on that too, and honestly, even though I'm out the other side I still don't understand the 'when' attitude, it is an 'IF' for me!!

One of my girlfriends said I was pessimistic for thinking like that and that I should look on the bright side etc etc. But sometimes things ARE uncertain and I don't think we should depend on them turning out one way or another. For me, having more children is still an if. I would love lots and lots and lots. But, even though I can be treated (I was when I was pregnant with my son), I can't say 'when we have our next' like my friends do.

I remember when I was miscarrying the second time. I was bleeding for a few weeks, but my hcg was rising and my baby could be seen at scan with a healthy heartbeat etc. One of my friends (the same one as above hahaha) said a lot of 'when you have the baby', 'when the bleeding stops' etc, and thought I was pessimistic for saying 'if I have the baby'. On the other hand, another friend gave me advice about how to cope and what to do because I was losing the baby. I didn't really want to go out to take my mind off a miscarriage because I was carrying a live and delicate baby and was on strict bed rest! Neither of these people were realistic. One couldn't fathom that I could keep the baby, the other couldn't fathom that I could lose it. The bottom line? It was an if. I think I was the only one who was thinking rationally hahaha!

I don't think God wants us to be presumptuous and assume that He will give us the gifts we want just because we want them. It seems wrong to me to think that babies are a when in life. IF we're lucky, we'll have another baby.
I don't think there's anything wrong with your attitude.

Your new doctor sounds on the ball.

It was nice to hear that I'm not alone in thinking like this too. I find it hard not to get worked up when people do/say/ignore something wrong in this part of my life. I am trying to remember that these comments or lack thereof only say something about them, not about me. It's not really on topic, but I think that God is using St Teresa's 'Way of Perfection' to help me to detach. Only last night, just before midnight on new year's eve a friend of mine made a bad comment about one of my miscarriages, and reminded me that I had just told them of my first pregnancy this time two years ago. I was the hostess last night, and it was really hard to put on a smile for the countdown and be cheerful with my friends after that. I wish I could just let stupid comments bounce right off my back, but I don't seem to have that gift. It's hard work.

Hello! I just wanted to give you a little encouragement, not sure if it will help or not...
My mom had me when she was 40 and my youngest sister-in-law was born to my mother-in-law when she was almost 45. My mom actually thought she was menopausal when they first heard of me coming along.
Realize that doesn't mean much, since that's two ladies out of many, but it does mean it's happened before!

God is in control. Sarah conceived when she was 70! If God want you to conceive, and have a full term healthy pregnancy, then He can make it happen. Pray and trust in Him.

Catholic Wife said:

I have to admit that my attitude has gone downhill fast lately. I'll be 40 in a few months and I have accepted the fact that the odds of me actually conceiving and carrying a healthy baby to term are dropping every single day. I got a lecture today from my SIL (she's 4 years younger than I am) that I shouldn't say "if" but rather "when". Sorry, but with the deck stacked against me the way it is, it's really hard to maintain a hopeful and confident attitude that I'll even have a baby.

Is there anybody out there who has been able to maintain a good attitude after trying for more than 2 years, miscarrying and being my age????

Click to expand...

.

Allow yourself a little grace when you are having these moments of frustration. We all would like to coast through life with the perfect christian attitude when we are faced with a difficult circumstance in life and TTC can do alot to a person spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. What is sad is that when we talk to people about what is going on in our hearts and minds, they don't understand that we aren't looking for their opinion but just a shoulder to lean on. Comments like, "it's all in God's timing" doesn't help a woman in this situation but creates a feeling of hostility and frustration. Especially when it comes from someone who has never been there.

Don't lose hope and don't apologize for dealing with your feelings the best way that you can. If every one handled everything perfectly all the time, Jesus wouldn't have had to die for us in the first place. God bless you and give you the baby that you long for.