problem making friends

[soul_on_fire]

hi
so i have a problem making friends.
there is a lot of people that i could be friends with, like in school or in hangout places but i find it difficult to keep up a conversation. That usualy leads to lack of interest from the other person
i used to be quite shy but lately i improved in that department
i'm going back to school next week and i hope to make a fresh start and make a few friends in my class. at the moment, my relationship with most of my classmates is just talking between classes, but i would really like to actualy start hanging out with them after school.

my main question: how to make someone interested enough to want to talk more with you?

thanks for answers

 

[Jayangel81]

Usually having something in common that you do would be a start. What kinds of stuff are you into? any types of sports?

Try to find out what they like to do what interests them. even if your not very interested at that given time but maybe just try it, and at least you would have something to talk about.

If you've discovered that the person you're talking to has a common interest, ask him or her more about it and, if appropriate, whether they get together with others (in a club, for example) to pursue this interest.

Make sure you smile and listen


There are times where you just meet people that no matter what they just arent interested, dont look down at yourself. or think youve done something wrong. Some people are just like that im afraid.

 

[soul_on_fire]

Awh thanks
so mainly all you need is to be a positive listener

 

[Cinra]

So I recently changed jobs from working in a stockroom with spanish people who didn't speak english (worked there for the last 3 years) to a job cashiering with nice women my age and older. The manager at my new store actually went to my high school. I seem to have no problem answering personal questions about myself, but I can't bring myself to ask personal questions to them.

Part of it is I think because I have trouble bonding with women because of the way my stepmom treated me growing up through my pre-teen years and beyond. She would talk "at" me and not "to" me, never really listened to what I had to say and always believed she was right. Due to that treatment I learned to just to stop talking to her altogether and to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself for the rest of my life. I think that has crossed over now into my social life.

One thing I do have in common with these women is that some are married, but some have kids and I do not. I thought about maybe asking them work related questions such as, "how long have you worked here?" "do you have any interesting stories to share about things that have happened in the store since you worked here?" For the married women, "how did you meet your husband?" "how many kids do you have/how old are they?" Do these seem like reasonable questions to ask these women? What more can I do to get to know them better? Should I even attempt to ask questions even though I am uncomfortable with it?

 

[PolarBear3]

So I recently changed jobs from working in a stockroom with spanish people who didn't speak english (worked there for the last 3 years) to a job cashiering with nice women my age and older. The manager at my new store actually went to my high school. I seem to have no problem answering personal questions about myself, but I can't bring myself to ask personal questions to them.

Part of it is I think because I have trouble bonding with women because of the way my stepmom treated me growing up through my pre-teen years and beyond. She would talk "at" me and not "to" me, never really listened to what I had to say and always believed she was right. Due to that treatment I learned to just to stop talking to her altogether and to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself for the rest of my life. I think that has crossed over now into my social life.

One thing I do have in common with these women is that some are married, but some have kids and I do not. I thought about maybe asking them work related questions such as, "how long have you worked here?" "do you have any interesting stories to share about things that have happened in the store since you worked here?" For the married women, "how did you meet your husband?" "how many kids do you have/how old are they?" Do these seem like reasonable questions to ask these women? What more can I do to get to know them better? Should I even attempt to ask questions even though I am uncomfortable with it?

These seem like very reasonable questions to me. They show that you want to get to know them and they aren't too personal. As a mom, I love it when people ask about my child (I haven't met a mom who doesn't ).

I think asking questions even when you're uncomfortable with it, is important to try. I struggle with shyness/social anxiety, but in order to deal with it, I have to go beyond what is comfortable - otherwise I won't have the chance to improve myself. I think that applies to a lot of situations. The environment at your job sounds like a safe place to try asking some questions. Maybe try to ask one question a day and see how it goes.

Good luck!

 

[soul_on_fire]

I agree with PolarBear3
It might be uncomfortable but in the end you'll be glad you did it =)
The questions aren't too personal, they just show interest in the person you're talking to. You could ask the people questions that you would be comfortable asking. if you know the place where they met or a place like that you could start talking about that too.
You could suggest her a nice romantic restaurant you know and if she and her husband enjoy it you'll have a new friend =)
About work questions, those are probably the safest ones to ask unless you go into gossip. You all work at the same place and have that in common. Maybe you could suggest a party that you all could go to, say around Christmas? From what i know those are always nice =)

you should try approaching women more, just because your stepmother treated you badly doesn't mean every woman does. I beleive there is one special person for everyone out there and that we all eventualy find them =)
If you want to know them better just listen to what they're saying, women are known to talk a lot xD and ask questions to find out more about what they said. That way thery'll know you're listening and are interested

Good luck