My two boys take a shower every morning before school, we don't have very much time to get ready, i have to go to work and we only have one bathroom in the house. One is 14 and the other is 12 and I'm not sure if they are mature enough yet to see me as invasive. They're both going through puberty but still act like children. Should I stay out?
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Privacy
- Thread starter Kristy102
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Andy Broadley
quam pulchra es amica mea quam pulchra
- Oct 14, 2004
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As soon as they see you as invasive, you'll be the first to know. They will make sure of thatKristy102 said:
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andiesmama
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I don't have older children, (my daughter Andie is just 2!), but I think it's great that you're concerned that your sons may be thinking along those lines...that you might be "invasive" on their space....maybe if you got up earlier & just got ready before they needed to get in there? Unless you are like me, I am NOT N-O-T a morning person, so that would be hard for me!! lol Or maybe set up an area in your bedroom (if you have a mirror) so you can do all the other stuff like makeup & hair in your room & not the bathroom....just some ideas, forgive me if I sound like I'm coming out of left field!! Good luck!! 
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Personally, I'd just switch the boys to bedtime showers. (Or at least switch one of them.) At those ages they are usually quite active and they could use a shower before heading to bed. It will make the mornings go much smoother for everyone!
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LegacyOfLove
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Okay...here's my take: I have sons (3 of them) and one daughter. My oldest son just turned 15...the next son will be 11 soon. At those ages, it is VERY awkward for them, especially once they start going through puberty. AND...they may or may not tell you how uncomfortable it makes them feel with you being in there. Personally, once my boys started getting bigger (even before puberty), I quit going in the bathroom for anything while they are in there. To me, it was just a matter of respecting their personal space and letting them know that I respect their need for privacy.
Sure, as a mom, your boys will always be "your little boys", but face it, they DO grow up! (The same is true for our daughters).
I'd suggest that you change their bath/shower times to some time other than when you need to get ready in the morning...or maybe someone's alarm can be set earlier so the bathroom is free when the next person needs to get in there. And hey, if you're still not sure how your son's are feeling...why not ask them? Let them know you aren't trying to embarrass them, you just want them to know it's okay to have their privacy when they need it!
Sure, as a mom, your boys will always be "your little boys", but face it, they DO grow up! (The same is true for our daughters).
I'd suggest that you change their bath/shower times to some time other than when you need to get ready in the morning...or maybe someone's alarm can be set earlier so the bathroom is free when the next person needs to get in there. And hey, if you're still not sure how your son's are feeling...why not ask them? Let them know you aren't trying to embarrass them, you just want them to know it's okay to have their privacy when they need it!
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This sounds like a good answer!bliz said:
My son is only 5 months, so I figured I couldn't post, but I have to say as having once been a teen. this sounds like one resolution.
mojo
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Katydid
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WOW! my parent's considered the shower curtain, "privacy" LOL. OK so I hated it, and so did my brother. So you may want to consider one of the other options. I like the idea of having THEM wake up a half hour earlier, hehehe. See I hate mornings. But, I do know that at that age and even now, I need my morning shower. I would honestly, sit down with them and figure out which they prefer, morning or evening, then set up a schedule. You know...
From 6a.m. to 6:30--johnny
etc. etc. and post it on the door so the boys won't be fighting over it either.
From 6a.m. to 6:30--johnny
etc. etc. and post it on the door so the boys won't be fighting over it either.
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What you propose is easier said then done, mornings are insanely hectic and it's nothing but a rush to get out the door how it is. The fact is that they have grown up with me and only me, so I don't think my presence will bother them at least for the time being.LegacyOfLove said:
The problem is that I am starting to feel uncomfortable with being in there as they get older. My oldest has already hit puberty and I can only avert my eyes for so long. Having said that, as long as my thoughts are pure is it okay?
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What's not OK is that you are needed to be involved at this level with getting up and out of the house in the morning. These guys should be able to handle mornings without any supervision from you.
Switch the to bedtime showers and lay out exactly what has to be dne by what time, run a practice drill on a Saturday morning - over and over again if necessary - get them to preplan the night before, and make them responsible. You will be doing them, and their college roommates and wives a huge favor in making them get with the program.
Switch the to bedtime showers and lay out exactly what has to be dne by what time, run a practice drill on a Saturday morning - over and over again if necessary - get them to preplan the night before, and make them responsible. You will be doing them, and their college roommates and wives a huge favor in making them get with the program.
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Avaya
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Um, considering that you are a single mom, I'd stay out of there. You don't want them saying to their friends "This morning when I was showering my mom told me about this thing in the newspaper . . . " And they go "Dude, your mom was in the bathroom with you? EEEEEWWWWWW" You know what I mean? You want to avoid even the suggestion of impropriety. My son is soon-to-be-12 and I will only crack the door if I need to get his attention when he's in the shower.
That being said, I REALLY think I'd switch their baths to before bed anyway. Boys can get so nasty during the day, and basically everybody gets enough dirt on them during the day that they need a bath before bed. Think of how dirty their sheets are if they're getting in bed without a bath every night. I think bedtime bathing would benefit the whole family!
That being said, I REALLY think I'd switch their baths to before bed anyway. Boys can get so nasty during the day, and basically everybody gets enough dirt on them during the day that they need a bath before bed. Think of how dirty their sheets are if they're getting in bed without a bath every night. I think bedtime bathing would benefit the whole family!
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Thanks for the advice, but I think the best plan is to have my 14 yr old shower at night and my 12 yr old shower in the morning. That way I can still get in the bathroom in the morning without having to risk seeing my 14 yr old. Do you think this will encorage sin when he takes a shower alone?
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I realize that I can't possibly control everything sinful that he does, however I also realise that he is going through a time in his life when phisical changes are occurring rapidly and he might deal with them in a sinful manner. That is as descriptive as I want to get.
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Katydid
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OK well, he knows the gospel, I am assuming, and he will have temptations all around him. I, personally, don't feel that it is right for you to hold him hostage to his good nature by monitering him every minute. That is only my personal feeling, but he may become resentful. In which case, he may find other ways to express it. As I said, this is just my personal feelings. But, remember this, "Bring them up in the way they should go, and they will not depart from it". You need to pray for him, but I don't think that monitering his shower priveledges is the best way to prevent sin.
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I think I know what you are refering to. When it comes down to this issue, like most others, you are not going to have much success laying down the law. You need to educate. For your younger son, I suggest the book "Preparing your son for Every Man's Battle." Your older son is probably ready for the book for older boys "Every Young Man's Battle." "Not Even a Hint" is another good book, and unlike the Every Man books, offers some practical solutions with dealing with sins involving lust.Kristy102 said:
I suggest having him leave the door cracked open just enough to give him pause about doing something sinful, but closed enough to provide sufficient privacy.
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elizabethevangeline
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Bliz made a good point. Parents prepare their children for life. If anything, giving/observing the need for privacy teaches modesty, consideration for others, appropriate boundaries, etc.
Now if only I could get my 7 yr old to close the door when he is on the toilet.
Now if only I could get my 7 yr old to close the door when he is on the toilet.
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