I am on my way to work but I wanted to give a quick response. I'll try to post links when I get home.
Her symptoms could be consisitent with ADHD as well as LD's, but I am also concerned about the possibility of neurological issues as a result of the mother's drug use. I don't know if the mother used drugs during pregnancy but if her drug issues were that severe then I'd say that the chances were at least fair.
There are, of course, medications which can help with ADHD, but given the other complicating issues, I would recommend a thorough evaluation with a psychiatrist or neurologist before going any further since you could be dealing with something more serious than ADHD.
The other issue I feel that I need to mention is her home environment. You said that it was "emotionally abusive" among other things. I am concerned that her grandmother's encouragement to stay home from school might indicate more than simply emotional abuse or neglect as educators are mandatory reporters of child abuse and some parents keep their kids home from school to hide bruises or other signs of abuse. I am not trying to accuse anyone of anything out of turn, but I would highly encourage you to consider making a report to Child Protective Services, if nothing else so that she can get the medical care it seems that she needs. It isn't neglectful to be poor, but it is neglectful to have the financial resources to support a child and refuse to do so. If I was to encounter this child in the course of my daily responsibilities, I would be required to file a report.
I commend you for wanting to help with this child's education, and I understand that you are not exactly in a position to arrange for evaluations and etc. My only caution would be to be aware that there may be other, more serious issues in play in this situation. Certainly, study skills and coping skills would be helpful, but it is very hard to concentrate on school when you don't know when you might eat next or what kind of treatment you will receive once you get home.
I wish you the best of luck in this situation, and I am glad that this child has at least one positive influence in their life.
Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post.
Well, I am certain there is no physical abuse going on at present since the grandmother is physically not capable. She is very overweight, has fibromyalgia, hip/knee problems and uses a walker to get around. The reason she keeps the girl home from shcool is so she has someone to watch tv with and because she says she feels lonely. It could also be because she was simply too lazy to take dina to school when dina was too young to go by herself.
Dina (the girl) tells me everything that goes on in her homelife and though she told me her grandmother used to hit her when she was younger, she said she no longer does since her health is poor and is no longer strong enough. The most she is able to do now is throw stuff at her when she gets mad, but dina is able to dodge it. Although she threatens her with physical abuse all the time...even once to stab her....she doesn't actually do it since she now knows dina will fight back.
Here is the story with the grandmother. Her grandmother is a classic text book case of narcissistic personality disorder and is also very histrionic. She has basically alienated everyone from her family and not even her own children want to have anything to do with her since she is so emotionally toxic and cruel. She is a very miserable, lonely and depressed woman....her grandaughter is the only person in her life. She uses her as her caretaker and is extremely possessive, manipulative and controling over her life. She has kept dina very sheltered under the guise of being "protective" over her, but in reality (from what i've observed) she wants to keep dina around for 2 reasons: 1. a caretaker (since she is pretty much immobile) and 2. So she doesn't feel alone. Though she doesn't want dina to leave her alone, she is very unkind towards her and is constantly nagging/yelling/insulting her. She cares nothing for Dina's well being on every level weather it's to do with her education, physical needs (i.e food), emotional needs, social development, medical needs etc. In the grandmother's mind, she's a total martyr and constantly reminds dina that she didn't have to take custody of her....is always giving her guilt trips about how she gave up so much to raise her, or gave up her boyfriend for her sake since he didn't like children etc. She has never shown dina any physical or emotional affection nor has ever given her a normal childhood when dina was younger. For example, dina never played in playgrounds, learned how to ride a bike, learned to swim, had a birthday party etc....the typical things most children do as they are growing up. She's pretty much lived couped up with this miserable woman for her entire life with little outside exposure in society. As a result, dina has never had friends, gone to birthday parties, had birthdays celebrated, joined girlscouts (and that sort of thing), she has never learned how to take mass transit or even know how to get around in the town she grew up in now that she is older (she is 17). Besides her school, Dina only knows where the pharmacy, the bank, and the supermarket is since those are the places her grandmother sends her to.
In a nutshell, I don't know if you've ever watched the sopranos, but this woman, has the exact personality of tony's mother.....i.e very negative, manipulative, histrionic, toxic, unloving, and is constantly on "her death bed" and speaks little else outside her various ailments, her past woeful life and claims she's always dying. Not to mention how she threatens dina with suicide when dina argues back to her or wants to leave the house. I seriously question weather this woman even has fybromyalgia and i suspect she uses that to score pain meds. This woman has been taking the following meds for the last 15 yrs. Percaset, oxycontin, xanex, valium, ambien and god knows what else. She also doesn't take them as prescribed but pops them constantly. I've tried to confront her about this addiction and suggested she go to a detox/rehab, but she just changes the subject starts to go on about her pain which seems obviously overly dramatized when i'm around. Dina later tells me she always does this around other people for attention and it's all an act.
Anyway, in answering your question, from what i've been told by dina and after questioning her grandmother, dina's mother was severely abusing heroine, alcohol, meth, crack, nicotine and a plethora of other drugs while pregnant with dina. Dina was born addicted to all of the above and had to be detoxed as an infant.
The grandmother never had her tested neurologically, but she was diagnosed with add in school and was on ritalin for a short time up until 6th grade.
Recently i've spoken to her grandmother about my concerns regarding the possibilities of dina having more than add and that she should be fully assessed, tested, see a specialist and receive care in this regard. She was open to it, but it sounds like i'm going to have to get dina to insist that her grandmother takes her to doctor since her grandmother doesn't seem to really think there's a problem or even care beyond her own needs. I told dina that i'm going to do research for specialists/dr.s in the area and set up an appointment for them. If her grandmother allows it, i'm going to go with them and speak to the drs. regarding what i have observed in dina's behavior/learning disabilities.
I wonder if there is some social worker or child advocate i could talk to who could help me with getting dina the help she needs. She will turn 18 in august and i want to do all i can to get her away from the woman and in an emotionally safe place. I give her that as much as i can since i am with her almost everyday, but since i have no legal rights over her i can't just take her to a dr. myself. As far as food, lunch money etc....i have been providing for her and also buy her clothes, furniture and things she needs. My income is limited since i myself am on disability, but if you could point me in the right direction as to who i could speak to that would be awesome. I'm going to ask her grandmother to give me written permission and i think she'll do it.
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