I'm not sure if I truly belong in this group, because I'm not married and I'm only 17. Nearly two years ago, when I was fifteen, my boyfriend of the time raped me and I got pregnant. One year and nine months ago I gave birth to a premature child almost six months before she was due. I was taking a shower and I slipped. I was in labor for thirty minues or so before she was born. She was smaller then my hand and her skin was translucent and opaque, but I couldn't help but think she was beautiful. She was still alive when she was born, but she died within ten minutes. I didn't know what to do. I was heartbroken - as much as I loathed her father, I couldn't help but love her with all my heart. My parents didn't know what had happened, they didn't know I was pregnant, and my own father never would have believed that I was raped, so I buried her that night at the foot of the massive oak tree in my backyard. From the time I realized I was pregnant, I prayed to God to help me and give me strengh. I didn't know how I was going to tell my parents, but I was determined to have my child and I know I couldn't have given her up for adoption, I wouldn't have had that kind of strength. I know that God knew what He was doing when He brought my child to Heaven to live with Him and His Son. I know that she wouldn't have had a wonderful life living here, not with my father. My mother and I would have loved her till the end of the universe, I still do, but not my father. So I know that her not having to face that life is for the best and I know that I'll see her again, that God's taking much better care of her then I could, but it still hurts. I don't know what to do.
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premature
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PriyaRoshni
Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I am so sorry that you had to go through this, especially when you feel that you cannot talk to your parents and get support from them. I was once in you situation, and I often think back - what would of happened if I had not of had a miscarriage? At the time I though it was the worst thing in the world to try to tell my parents, even though it was not my fault. I am glad you have your Mum at least. I eventually did tell my parents, 10 years later. I had been keeping another secret from them recently as well, my Dr thinks I may have cancer, and I kept the real reason I had to have surgery from them. I have told Mum, but Dad has only just got out of ICU from nearly dying and he was in a coma for awhile - so there is no way I could tell them. What I am trying to say I think is, have you considered talking to your Mum now? I lost my first child 15 years ago and it was only since I told my parents that I have started to heal. I then lost another child when we were first married. Both of them were early miscarrages the first at 10 weeks and the second at 12.
Anyway, back on topic, just because you are only 17 and are not married does not mean that you do not feel pain or loss! Even though your child was not planed or conceived in love, they were still a child and a child of God! and a child who you would have loved.
If you want to talk, feel free to PM me, my heart goes out to you.
Anyway, back on topic, just because you are only 17 and are not married does not mean that you do not feel pain or loss! Even though your child was not planed or conceived in love, they were still a child and a child of God! and a child who you would have loved.
If you want to talk, feel free to PM me, my heart goes out to you.
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