Prayer Request/Looking for godly Advice

[iDrumandWrite]

Hi everyone, I hope it's alright that basically the first thing I'm doing here on this forum is posting a topic about my own need. I'm going to try to condense this into a very brief form, so please forgive me if it's confusing.

Well, for starters, I figured out maybe a week or two ago that I pretty much have all of the symptoms of religious OCD. This makes me extremely prone to guilt, and has also led to a struggle with disgusting and blasphemous thoughts. With God's strength, I have no doubt I'll be able to battle through this. (There is a story that goes along with this, but it is actually quite lengthy.)

What I mainly came here to ask advice on is a side effect of this OCD. I've been feeling extremely pressured by letting my yes mean yes lately, and obviously that's something I'd like to do. However, I've been applying this to my thoughts as well, and it's been wearing me down into an almost checklist type thing for everyday.

For example: Awhile ago I sort of decided to do prayer, worship, and devotionals every morning before doing anything else. That was good for awhile, until I started feeling guilt for everyday I missed. In addition, awhile back the thought crossed my mind that I should worship every night as well. So, not wanting to sin, I started doing that. At some point, I also think I might have decided to spend time alone whilst driving in prayer. Well, this sort of became legalistic as well when I worried about doing it every second. Then, of course, I wondered about what will happen when I have to drive for, say, 10 hours?

On a closely related note, just a few days ago the thought crossed my mind that maybe I could give up video games for good. I'm not sure, but I might have even made a decision to do this. I considered it briefly, and then probably sort of decided that I could do it. It wasn't long later that I realized what a bad idea this could be. I already play video games quite scarcely compared to many, but it is a common area for me to relate to other kids my age and my brother, who is a few years younger. (It's not that they like me because I play video games, but cutting this out would just be a common interest cut away pretty much unnecessarily. I'm not the greatest at making friends besides.) Besides this I obviously do enjoy the games. I have worried before about cutting all sorts of clean, fun things out of my life. I know God is not opposed to fun. Video games don't really distract me from my relationship with God as I seldom spend time playing them. Thoughts also came to me about cutting out ridiculous things, even things that are part of what I believe is God's call on my life. Although I've avoided video games mostly out of fear for the past few days, just yesterday I caught myself playing a little game on my dad's iPad. After a few minutes of playing I worried if I was in sin. If I were to go back to playing video games, would I be in sin? How can I know when something is my OCD and when something is really me or something that I should be doing?

Maybe you're not a psychologist, but I'd appreciate any help I can get. I feel like I'm always setting standards for myself that restrict me more than draw me nearer to God. I feel like I'm just setting up more and more standards that I can't reach.

(Man, that whole thing still came out long. Thank you if you still made it through. )

 

[hopeinGod]

The Church doesn't have quick cures, no instantaneous miracles, no fast fixes for those with OCD. The best ministers will lead a believer to a relationship with the Savior, but they will refuse to add methodologies and formulas, the sort that have emerged out of the Word of Faith groups.

Maybe during the days of Jesus, while He lived on this earth, that unclean, possessed madman whose demons He sent into those pigs was an example of a mentally ill man being cured; but, the truth today is that Christian-based methodologies and formulas only serve to place a person with OCD into obsessive traps.

Voices come to say, "You're not healed because you haven't read ten chapters in your Bible, sang four songs every day, and interceded for all those you love." Through this, anxiety builds, as OCD latches hold of those type of thoughts, the kind that keep one centered on the attainment of promises through methodologies, as well as one's lack of perfection.

Let your relationship be based not on performance measurements but God's love for you and your love for Him. Give up strict adherence to phariseeical standards and rest in His love. Sure, you can read your Bible and pray, but do it out of a love relationship, not formulas; otherwise, obsessions will grow to be your central focus.

Kindly,
Dave

 

[stormdancer0]

You need to stop assuming that the "thoughts that come into your head" are automatically what you should do. this is what is meant by "test the spirits." God loves you, whether you study every morning or not; He loves you even if you play video games every day. There is nothing you can do that will make Him love you any less. There is also nothing you can do that will make Him love you more - He already loves you with His whole heart.

No one is perfect. We all slip up, forget to do something, or fail to do something God wanted us to do. God forgives. He understands. There are no rigid study rules, no worship rules, nothing like that. You do what God leads you to do, and tell that OCD voice in your head to take a hike.

There is nothing wrong with therapy for mental illness. I have a mental illness, too, and I am very appreciative of the medication I take and the help it has given me to control my thought patterns. If you need therapy and/or meds, get the help you need.

Remember, all you have to do to please God is be who He made you to be. You already do that, so He is pleased with you. God loves you, OCD and all. Don't stress so much.

 

[iDrumandWrite]

I'm not exactly sure how quotes work on this forum, so I'll just do this.

@hopeinGod: Thanks for posting. Yes, the "four songs" and "ten chapters" thing, is relatively close to what I've struggled with in the past. At this point it's not that I believe God will love me less for doing them, but I worry that I would be sinning not to stick to my comitment (if I even made one, that's a problem with OCD.) I don't want to intentionally sin by going against what I said I would do.

@Stormdancer: Thanks for your help. I guess (I don't know if you read the above) what I'm mainly struggling with at this point is if I would be sinning by continuing or breaking what I thought/said I would do. I don't want to sin intentionally. I know God won't love me less for doing so, but I just don't want to displease Him.
As far as therapy and meds, I haven't figured that out yet. It scares me a little bit. It was very recently that I figured out about OCD; I haven't even told my family about this yet. I think the time might be coming near for me to do so. Things have improved a lot, but I still have a few nagging troubles like those I mentioned above.

Again, thank you both.

 

[propheticmaster]

let us we all pray for this request .......