Prayer and feedback appreciated...

[JourneyToPeace]

I've read quite a few threads here, and I've seen the sort of guidance/commentary a lot of people give and receive here... and because of what I've seen, I feel comfortable enough (but a little nervous, as I'm kind of shy with people I don't know too well yet) to share something. I've already discussed a bit of it with a chaplain here on the board, and I am also discussing it with people I am close with 'offline' or in 'real life'. But I would appreciate some feedback from you folks, too.

To make it as short as possible (and I fear it'll be longer....): I've made a choice that's a difficult one. I need to end a 6-year-long relationship. When we got together, I called myself a Christian but I wasn't honestly serious about it, and got pulled away from it/fell away from it shortly after. He never was a Christian. This is NOT a question about him being an unkind, uncaring person -- he is both kind and caring.

The thing is... Christ has called me back to Him, and I want to live for Him. I want to change my habits, my attitudes, my beliefs and words... and the things I used to do.. I don't want to do any longer. Obviously, this hurts and offends my boyfriend. He sees it as a rejection of HIM, not as wanting to be obedient to Christ.

My boyfriend's still an atheist. We're currently living long-distance to one another (several hours), which makes such a difficult conversation VERY hard. And we do love each other. But I know that I can't continue like this. I'm sure he can't either -- neither of us knew God would turn me 180 degrees. I'm in my mid-20s. I want to marry someone who loves Christ, who will grow in faith with me. My boyfriend has no interest in that. I've realized that while I want to marry someone some day, and he wants to marry someone someday.... it won't be us marrying one another, I don't think. (Of course I can't be sure. God's the God of surprises.)

But, honestly... It's time to end this. I'm sad, and feeling uneasy about having to have this talk with him. Especially over the phone, as I can't drive 8+ hours to just go and talk. We've got a long history together, and in many things other than faith, we get along SO well. But if I stay in this relationship... I know it'll drag me down, and it'll dishonour God. And I CANNOT continue to act in the same way with him as I did before coming back to Christ.

So... question for all of you who HAVE had to break off a serious relationship, either long-distance or just long term: how did you actually DO it? What helped you get through it? I guess I am just looking for some prayer, some feedback, some encouragement if possible. I know I've got to trust God. But I'm an emotional person, and just thinking of this makes me queasy. I know I'll end up hurting my boyfriend, and I know that it'll be because I'm the one who's changing.

Sigh. I know others have MUCH harder lives, and harder problems. May God forgive me for making my own stubborn HEART such a big issue... :o

Thanks, folks.

 

[Vico]

Have you been intimate with him?

 

[JourneyToPeace]

Have you been intimate with him?

Yes. Unfortunately, that was a choice I can never take back.

Both of us considered ourselves atheists, and secular humanists -- I suppose he still does.

And like many people in the secular world, we fell into the habits and norms of the secular world. We assumed 'what's the big deal? We'll marry one another eventually.' -- we were even discussing engagement within the next year.

And then Christ grabbed me and turned me around...

But I am still left with the choice we made together. This is one of many things I've asked for forgiveness for, and one of the many things I need to get myself away from.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

Sounds like a difficult thing to do. For what it's worth, I believe you are doing the right thing for yourself, your boyfriend, and for your walk with God. God bless you.