potential terrible in-laws

[akrock21]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years. He's like a member of my family by now. The trouble is that his family is nothing like him and I am hesitant to spend time with them. They are abrasive, self-centered and foolish and my discomfort around them is starting to be a big problem.

It is EXTREMELY important to him and me that all of us find a way to get along.

How do you show God's love to people who irritate you to bits? Especially those you may potentially be connected to for life??

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

You just smile and nod.

Lol, not so helpful. But I would suggest sitting down with your SO and talking with him about what you expect of him and his family. If you get married there may be times that he will need to stick up for you or set some definitive boundaries. Is he comfortable doing that?

But really its hard. I don't know that I could have married into a family that didn't like me or was hard to be around. I get along great with DH's family and I realize how blessed I am. My mom did not get along with my dad's family, basically they hated her from day one, and honestly it caused a lot of problems in their marriage. You need to really evaluate if this is something that you can live or are able to handle, because once kids come into the mix (if you are planning on having them) it will get harder.

 

[explodingboy]

Patience of a saint is a good place to start. My GF family is quite a spectacle to behold some days I was hoping to have more advice but the future in-law situation I'm looking at isn't quite the same, GF isn't keen on keeping them as close either when things get particularly hairy.

One thing I will say is really just try to make sure you only see them on a good day. Dealing with people who annoy you when your in a decent mode isn't as bad as dealing with them on a bad day. Also look for common ground where they aren't so hard to live with.

 

[Satine]

There has already been some good advice here, but to add my 2p:

My in-laws are a bit funny, too. The problem isn't them so much, that we live 250 miles away from them, so when we visit them, it's for 2 or 3 nights a time. They and we are very different, so that can get difficult.

Mike (my partner) has many times felt that his parents don't understand him, and I have often felt the same way about my own. Our relationship, however, is built in mutual understanding, and that includes not just an understanding of eachother, but of the situation of feeling alienated from your own parents. We both tolerate eachothers'.

Occasionally there's a flare-up with one set of parents or the other, but that, ultimately, isn't what's important. So long as the couple (you and your other half) are a team, then you can cope with irritating in-laws.

How does he feel about your parents? How does he feel about his own?

 

[akrock21]

How does he feel about your parents? How does he feel about his own?

He fits in soooo well with my family, and mostly feels that his own family is too set in their ways to bother with them. Sort of a 'boys will be boys' attitude, but with the entire group.

 

[nbiol]

Has your b/f explained to them that if you two get married, he expects them to act civilized around you?

One of my friends gave his parents an ultimatum. "Get along with her or dont, just know that if you dont, you're not going to be at the wedding and you won't see me anymore. I love her and respect you and even if you dont love her, I expect you to respect her. She deserves at least that much."

It was harsh but they decided to respect her...and now all of them get along so well..

 

[Satine]

^^

Wow, I think Elle's got the idea there! Assertiveness!

It can be difficult to be assertive with your own parents and in my experience, older people can get very indignant about being challenged in this way. It's also not much fun to be in a position where you're forced to choose between partner and family.

I think the important thing is that your other half realises that this situation is difficult for you. It's not easy to ask him to make such an ultimatum as Elle mentioned, but that's possibly a way to go.

Good luck with it, either way.

 

[favoredbyGod]

I am dealing with an evil potential mother-in-law, so I really understand where u are coming from

 

[seashale76]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years. He's like a member of my family by now. The trouble is that his family is nothing like him and I am hesitant to spend time with them. They are abrasive, self-centered and foolish and my discomfort around them is starting to be a big problem.

It is EXTREMELY important to him and me that all of us find a way to get along.

How do you show God's love to people who irritate you to bits? Especially those you may potentially be connected to for life??

Well, with all due respect, he's not officially tied to you yet. It can make a difference with some in-law types. Plus, your relationship with these people can change over time. I've been married over nine years and have known my husband for quite a bit longer. I didn't always get along with my in-laws either. It took time and effort for us to come to an understanding. You can't change them, but you can change your reaction to them. I love my in-laws now because I've learned to accept them for themselves and not who I wanted them to be (that was my problem).