Postpartum depression or just plain irritable?

[dpk]

I am a mom of a 5 year old and a two week old. Ever since I've been home with the baby, my 5 year old has been getting on my last nerve, and that makes me feel even more horrible. She has a big personality, very outgoing, and talks A LOT. She is constantly at my side and most of what comes out of her mouth now sets me off. She is not at all jealous of the baby, loves her baby sister very much, in fact. I've prayed and prayed that God would help me change my attitude toward her. Is this part of postpartum depression or is my lack of sleep caring for the baby just turning me into a big grouch? I don't recall feeling like this after the birth of my older daughter. How did your relationships with older children change once a new baby was in the house?

Thanks!
D.

 

[marezee]

dpk! nice to meet you and welcome to CF!

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. But I do think it is normal!
after my first was born, i had a bit of the "baby blues." not depression, just crying for no reason, a sense of feeling like i had to be perfect and failing at every turn, stress from packing because we had to move in a week...yeah it was difficult. But it did pass.

You probably hit the nail on the head and answered your own question...you are tired, not enough sleep, probably have post partum blues, stressed out at having to take care of a baby and a 5yr old!
when my second was born, it was hard because my first was only a year old. then, when my third was born, the other two were 3 & 2yrs old.
I have to say those were the most difficult times...when i had toddlers and a baby! Now that my littlest is almost 3, i long for those days again! LOL! my 3 sons keep me so busy!

I think my relationship with my other boys when a new baby came along changed in that i had less time to devote one on one time. that is just what happens. i felt guilty about it, but i got over it.
what else can you do? also, i enlisted my 2 & 3yr old's help with the newborn...it wasn't much, but it made them feel like a part of his care.

Perhaps that would give your 5yr old something to do...let her get the bottle or a diaper or an outfit for the baby. let her help you pick out the baby food when it's time, perhaps a toy.
If you need a break from her, set her up with a craft to do or a movie.
that will give you a few minutes alone.

 

[bliz]

First, every birth experience is different. Second, the first time you did not have a 5 year old at home.

Don't pass any judgments on yourself - it's only been 2 weeks! - your hormones are going wild, sleep is lacking (and we really underestimate how much that impacts us!) and you've just been through a major medical event.

You need to give yourself a break from your daughter once in awhile. I'm sure lot of people have made vague offers of help. I'm sure they meant help with the baby, but take them up on it and ask people to do something with your daughter - an outing, an activity at home etc. As baby gets older, use that volunteer to watch the baby for an hour or two (after a feeding) to give you one-on-one time with your daughter. Part of her constant talking maybe her looking for assurance that she has your attention and still has her place in the family.

I would encourage you not to turn your daughter into mother's little helper. Just because you had a baby is no reason for her to take on a whole new role. There will be times when she wants to help and that's great, but while she suddenly seems so big and grown up compared to the baby, she is still a little kid.

Cut yourself some slack... rest as much as you can... and congratulations!

 

[jennyren]

I'm sure my ds (4.5)felt a lot of rejection when my youngest was born four months ago. I was so grouchy in the early weeks. And for the first month I sent her and ds(2.5 years)to daycare everyday for a half day so I could recover, very expensive and looking back was more work than it was worth taking them there and picking them up. Now that the baby sleeps and plays more, were starting to have more time to giggle and talk again. She dosnt resent her baby brother or me even though I was such a mean mommy for a while.

 

[dpk]

Thank you all for your kind words! Helps me feel like maybe this IS all normal. I'm still keeping everything in prayer and taking a lot of deep breaths (and biting my tongue!) when I start to feel irritated. Perhaps I won't be up for the Meanest Mommy of the Year award, after all!

 

[Birbitt]

Oh no, you are definitely not alone. I was very cranky for a while after my youngest was born, and even during my last month or so of pregnancy. You aren't the only one, and believe me our children forgive and forget quickly! One thing that really helped me though was that hubby would get up with the baby during the night when he didn't have to be to work the next morning...which allowed me to get just a bit more sleep! Then I had more energy the next day for playing with my oldest and taking care of the baby.

 

[Neenie1]

I had some feelings similar to what you described when my dd was born (at the time I had a ds who was 3 1/2) It was a difficult time because you are used to having the time to devote to just one child and then you have to devote the time to another child.

Something that really helped me with this, was to make some time to "just have fun" either doing something that I really enjoy by myself (obviously that wasn't an every day thing!) or doing something like taking my older child to the park. Once you are able to get into a routine it gets a lot easier I promise (or it did for me)

In the end my routine when my dd was that age, was to get as much done as possible in the morning (work wise) and then have some fun time. Then have a rest (lol) I was lucky in that my dd was a good sleeper during the day, she would have her feed and sleep for a few hours, leaving me with time with ds.

The other thing I will say is that it is important to keep that relationship with the older child going. Is there someone that can take care of the baby (even while she is sleeping) so you can take your older child out even just for a walk. I found it made a lot of difference. I found it hard when my dd was born, because the relationship with my son did change, and at first it felt like it had changed for the worst, looking back that's not how it was really, it's just that bringing a new person into the family changes dynamics, not necessarily for the worst, or the best, it's just different.

Yep a bit of a ramble.