inappropriate content addiction

[M2020]

Hi, I’m a 30s yr old guys, and I have struggled with inappropriate content ever since I can remember. Since I was a very young teenager I have been getting caught up in the mind altering drug of inappropriate content. I get sad every time I think about it. How much of my life I have wasted to watching a worthless substance that tricks your mind into wanting it more and more when all it brings is hurt pain and destruction. I couldn’t even imagine how many days of my life have been wasted to inappropriate content if I added it all up. It’s really sad and I’m ashamed to admit it but it has really been a struggle of mine. I have hurt my wife countless times and lied more than I could admit. She doesn’t deserve any of it, being a great woman she has stood by me even when I obviously haven’t deserved for her to. I want so much more for my life. To have a normal mindset and not be troubled by what my eyes see everyday. It is def a progressive deal. I want so badly to be done with the person I have been. I have been lazy when it comes to my struggle to be honest. I do well for a couple months, and think I’m doing great, and then one thing happens and I get triggered and fall completely off the horse. I do realize now that I have to work at this daily, and not allow myself to become complacent and thing that I have this thing beat. I need to learn and learn and learn, and work at this like I would attack any other project in my life. As I sad I have been lazy and allowed myself to fall off again and it is killing my wife. I want to be a better man for her and my kids too. I don’t want thyme to grow up and have to explain to them why their daddy had to live in a different place because their mom couldn’t handle my issues any longer. That pains my heart to think that there may come a day that I would have to have that conversation with my kids. I want to work at this and get better. Replace my bad habits with good ones and keep my mind clear of all the things that lead me back to inappropriate content. I have realized that I am way more sensitive than I ever thought. There’s so many cues or triggers that can send me over the edge, and I have to be cautious what I allow to enter into my eyes. I have bought a couple books that I plan to read and help with habit forming and the idolatry of inappropriate content addiction. Hopefully reading and being active in my recovery will allow me to really make good progress and not backslide again. I don’t think my wife can honestly take anymore, so it’s now or never for me and my family. I know and believe in my heart that I can do it. the lord tells me that I can all things through him, and I have to do this. Thanks for listening or reading rather, I just pray that I can actually overcome this horrible mindset that has ruined years of my and my wife’s lives.

 

[BrotherD]

Hi, I’m a 30s yr old guys, and I have struggled with inappropriate content ever since I can remember. Since I was a very young teenager I have been getting caught up in the mind altering drug of inappropriate content. I get sad every time I think about it. How much of my life I have wasted to watching a worthless substance that tricks your mind into wanting it more and more when all it brings is hurt pain and destruction. I couldn’t even imagine how many days of my life have been wasted to inappropriate content if I added it all up. It’s really sad and I’m ashamed to admit it but it has really been a struggle of mine. I have hurt my wife countless times and lied more than I could admit. She doesn’t deserve any of it, being a great woman she has stood by me even when I obviously haven’t deserved for her to. I want so much more for my life. To have a normal mindset and not be troubled by what my eyes see everyday. It is def a progressive deal. I want so badly to be done with the person I have been. I have been lazy when it comes to my struggle to be honest. I do well for a couple months, and think I’m doing great, and then one thing happens and I get triggered and fall completely off the horse. I do realize now that I have to work at this daily, and not allow myself to become complacent and thing that I have this thing beat. I need to learn and learn and learn, and work at this like I would attack any other project in my life. As I sad I have been lazy and allowed myself to fall off again and it is killing my wife. I want to be a better man for her and my kids too. I don’t want thyme to grow up and have to explain to them why their daddy had to live in a different place because their mom couldn’t handle my issues any longer. That pains my heart to think that there may come a day that I would have to have that conversation with my kids. I want to work at this and get better. Replace my bad habits with good ones and keep my mind clear of all the things that lead me back to inappropriate content. I have realized that I am way more sensitive than I ever thought. There’s so many cues or triggers that can send me over the edge, and I have to be cautious what I allow to enter into my eyes. I have bought a couple books that I plan to read and help with habit forming and the idolatry of inappropriate content addiction. Hopefully reading and being active in my recovery will allow me to really make good progress and not backslide again. I don’t think my wife can honestly take anymore, so it’s now or never for me and my family. I know and believe in my heart that I can do it. the lord tells me that I can all things through him, and I have to do this. Thanks for listening or reading rather, I just pray that I can actually overcome this horrible mindset that has ruined years of my and my wife’s lives.

Hello, my friend. I struggled myself from the age of 16 until about 32. It does take a hold of your life and it consumes you, but it is just like any addiction. I overcame only by the grace of God and truly wanting to do right by Christ. What worked for me along with praying is I got rid of social media, and filtered everything that would make me stumble. I notice when i focus on Christ and doing his will that i don't fall. Earnstly praying and maybe a short fast would help as well. When you are tempted, call on the Lord with all your heart:

1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Yes, even Christ Jesus our Lord had to deal with temptation:

Hebrews 4:14-16
14 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 2:17-18
17 Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.
18 For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour (to help or relieve when in difficulty, want or distress) them that are tempted.

 

[Dave G.]

It's a deliverance matter, there is a spirit behind inappropriate content. inappropriate content is absolutely hooked up with the demonic realm. This can be broken like so many things, by Jesus Christ. He will set you free, it's not you setting you free but Him. Then you live in it and as you said, from there keep your wandering eyes in check. He actually can break your desire for it and give you a new view a new perception of the female form. Overcoming anything is always all about Him ! But you must be born again.

 

[Of the Kingdom]

inappropriate content addiction is an awful thing. Praise the Lord your wife is willing to work with you on this. I suggest you need a qualified therapist for guidance. An accountability partner will help keep you honest, but you need to set goals first.

I believe you can overcome this if you work on your relationship with your wife. Unfortunately your sexual relationship with her is much too private to discuss in public. I suggest moving this thread to the inappropriate contentography forum or start a new thread there, so we can speak a little more freely.

I suspect your wife is very upset with you. Paying attention to inappropriate content instead of her is like a slap in the face, and is justifiably considered unfaithfulness. She is entitled to your full attention.

Both your wife's displeasure and the distraction of misplaced attention is probably keeping you from the intimate life you should be having with her.

I will be praying for both of you. Communication is key. She doesn't deserve this, but the chances of an improved relationship are slim to none unless both of you are willing to get honest with each other and agree on some things that are and are not acceptable, even while some bad behavior continues.

Please seek help from your church or a professional counselor. What you are experiencing fits a common pattern. Apparently you were into inappropriate content before marriage, but many marriages start honestly and deteriorate due to gradual lack of attention and communication, and inappropriate content becomes a substitute. Within a few years it will destroy even a marriage that started strong if you do not actively work toward making love for each other and forgiveness a priority in your life.

 

[Deade]

Hello M2020,
welcome to CF.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

 

[M2020]

Hello, my friend. I struggled myself from the age of 16 until about 32. It does take a hold of your life and it consumes you, but it is just like any addiction. I overcame only by the grace of God and truly wanting to do right by Christ. What worked for me along with praying is I got rid of social media, and filtered everything that would make me stumble. I notice when i focus on Christ and doing his will that i don't fall. Earnstly praying and maybe a short fast would help as well. When you are tempted, call on the Lord with all your heart:

1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Yes, even Christ Jesus our Lord had to deal with temptation:

Hebrews 4:14-16
14 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.
15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 2:17-18
17 Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.
18 For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour (to help or relieve when in difficulty, want or distress) them that are tempted.

Thank you for the kind words. I know it’s a battle of the spirit and flesh, and it’s everywhere my eyes look, so it makes it hard but I know lord willing I can get through this if I keep my mind stayed on him and not falter in my daily work to keep my eyes and mind clear of the wrong things. Thanks

 

[NeverL0ved]

Hi, I’m a 30s yr old guys, and I have struggled with inappropriate content ever since I can remember. Since I was a very young teenager I have been getting caught up in the mind altering drug of inappropriate content. I get sad every time I think about it. How much of my life I have wasted to watching a worthless substance that tricks your mind into wanting it more and more when all it brings is hurt pain and destruction. I couldn’t even imagine how many days of my life have been wasted to inappropriate content if I added it all up. It’s really sad and I’m ashamed to admit it but it has really been a struggle of mine. I have hurt my wife countless times and lied more than I could admit. She doesn’t deserve any of it, being a great woman she has stood by me even when I obviously haven’t deserved for her to. I want so much more for my life. To have a normal mindset and not be troubled by what my eyes see everyday. It is def a progressive deal. I want so badly to be done with the person I have been. I have been lazy when it comes to my struggle to be honest. I do well for a couple months, and think I’m doing great, and then one thing happens and I get triggered and fall completely off the horse. I do realize now that I have to work at this daily, and not allow myself to become complacent and thing that I have this thing beat. I need to learn and learn and learn, and work at this like I would attack any other project in my life. As I sad I have been lazy and allowed myself to fall off again and it is killing my wife. I want to be a better man for her and my kids too. I don’t want thyme to grow up and have to explain to them why their daddy had to live in a different place because their mom couldn’t handle my issues any longer. That pains my heart to think that there may come a day that I would have to have that conversation with my kids. I want to work at this and get better. Replace my bad habits with good ones and keep my mind clear of all the things that lead me back to inappropriate content. I have realized that I am way more sensitive than I ever thought. There’s so many cues or triggers that can send me over the edge, and I have to be cautious what I allow to enter into my eyes. I have bought a couple books that I plan to read and help with habit forming and the idolatry of inappropriate content addiction. Hopefully reading and being active in my recovery will allow me to really make good progress and not backslide again. I don’t think my wife can honestly take anymore, so it’s now or never for me and my family. I know and believe in my heart that I can do it. the lord tells me that I can all things through him, and I have to do this. Thanks for listening or reading rather, I just pray that I can actually overcome this horrible mindset that has ruined years of my and my wife’s lives.

If you really want to give up inappropriate contentography, then you must throw away your TV, your phone, your computer, and anything else that makes you sin.

It's what Jesus taught, right?

Matthew 18:8
“Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.”

 

[DLovingBrother]

Get the book “Every Man’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn and go to their website New Life at Help and Hope in Life's Hardest Places - New Life Ministries they can help you beat inappropriate content. I know because I know several guys who have done it. These people are Christian counselors and have a lot of resources, advice, and they also have a radio program and you can call in and ask more specific questions.

 

[NeverL0ved]

Get the book “Every Man’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn and go to their website New Life at Help and Hope in Life's Hardest Places - New Life Ministries they can help you beat inappropriate content. I know because I know several guys who have done it. These people are Christian counselors and have a lot of resources, advice, and they also have a radio program and you can call in and ask more specific questions.

No, don't do this, do what Jesus taught you.

 

[DLovingBrother]

No, don't do this, do what Jesus taught you.

I did not negate the others’ advice that we should go to Jesus. I myself have experienced Jesus' miracles in my life, including life and death situations. I was merely adding something else for him to consider. If you have nothing good to say, NeverL0ved, do not say it. Next time, avoid the audacity and arrogance to say “no” for someone. M2020 can make up his own mind under the Lord’s guidance. Can you prove that going to a ministry that has a track record of helping people is not what Jesus would advise? You are a seeker, keep seeking, but do not play god. This man needs as much reasonable advice as he can get. God gave us pastors, teachers, and counselors to help us. We do not live in a vacuum but we are social creatures. And seeking professional advice and help is sometimes the way to go. Maybe you should try your advice and throw away your TV, phone and pc and see if you can live any kind of life today. These are not what cause us to sin but the temptation to go to these websites.

 

[NeverL0ved]

I did not negate the others’ advice that we should go to Jesus. I myself have experienced Jesus' miracles in my life, including life and death situations. I was merely adding something else for him to consider. If you have nothing good to say, NeverL0ved, do not say it. Next time, avoid the audacity and arrogance to say “no” for someone. M2020 can make up his own mind under the Lord’s guidance. Can you prove that going to a ministry that has a track record of helping people is not what Jesus would advise? You are a seeker, keep seeking, but do not play god. This man needs as much reasonable advice as he can get. God gave us pastors, teachers, and counselors to help us. We do not live in a vacuum but we are social creatures. And seeking professional advice and help is sometimes the way to go. Maybe you should try your advice and throw away your TV, phone and pc and see if you can live any kind of life today. These are not what cause us to sin but the temptation to go to these websites.

I have thrown out all my luxuries, and currently live on the streets of Brisbane/Australia (11 weeks and counting)

 

[DLovingBrother]

I am sorry to hear that and I apologize for snapping back. I was just taken back when you shot down my advice. This is how I see it. The man had been struggling for years and probably has several suggestions and ideas on the table. I am simply adding another item that he may want to look at and maybe even try. It is all up to him, but none of us know enough to say that someone else’s advice is no good. We don’t know how far he is willing to go, how much sacrifice he is prepared to do, in order to defeat this disease which is a real epidemic. It might work for him as it did to people I know. I will add you to my prayer list, M2020 and NeverL0ved, if it is okay with you guys. I’ll stop now. God Bless.

 

[Religiot]

Thank you for the kind words. I know it’s a battle of the spirit and flesh, and it’s everywhere my eyes look, so it makes it hard but I know lord willing I can get through this if I keep my mind stayed on him and not falter in my daily work to keep my eyes and mind clear of the wrong things. Thanks

Brother, firstly, God is willing.

Read 1 Corinthians chapter 7, it is the first marriage chapter you must know.

inappropriate content is just a hack to real feelings.

To deprive your wife of affection is sin, and for her to deprive you of affection is sin.

If your wife is depriving you of sex, then she is the primary contributor to your problem.

If she's not, then you need to save yourself for your wife, every night, and I assure you, you're not gonna know how you had a problem to begin with.

If you still think you've gotta a problem after your wife starts to render due affection [everyday], then you simply need more than one wife.

Another thing to add, is to work with your hands: if your present job denies this, then get a better job, one that has you working with your hands.

I know your present wife will most likely not tolerate you getting a second wife, so be sure that she understands that giving you affection is her duty, as it is yours, both of you, before the Lord.

Remember, God created sex, it's His idea, but man perverts it, that is man's idea: so don't think of sex as a problem, that would be an absurd thought, think of sex as what it is, an incredible bonding experience with your wife, who is now your body, and you are her head, as the bible plainly says (1Corinthians chapter 11).

And if you must relieve yourself, because you are away from your wife, then simply think about your wife when you relieve yourself.

And start to look at inappropriate content for what it is, just a hack, brother, a sad hack, that works because so many Western men are living with Jezebels, who pretend that the problem is with the man.

Brother, if your wife is Christian, then you have found a good thing, but if she's a Jezebel, then your life will continue to devolve into hell.

If she's Christian, then she will gladly submit to you as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22), and will be happy to obey you as you teach her what the bible says about marriage and the role of the wife.

If your Church doesn't support your role as head of your wife--not head of your house, but head of your wife--then you had better quickly find a Church that does.

Man is commanded by God to be the head of his wife, as Christ is head of the Church, and wives are commanded to please God by submitting to their husbands.

Real women love to be women, and real men love to be men: there is no competition between husband and wife, that concept is absurd.

PS: I suffered a Jezebellion marriage, and was addicted to inappropriate content, but after her unfaithfulness and subsequent divorce, inappropriate content is not a problem.

I live by myself, and could have a inappropriate content party every night, til the break of dawn, but I don't, almost like a magic spell has been lifted.

I'm telling you, brother, if you don't check Jezebel at the door, once she comes in, you are done.

Not all abuse if physical, brother: the provocation, and then deprivation of sex, is abuse: if your wife excites you, and then she withholds affection from you, that is abuse; abuse of your senses.

When living with a Jezebel, the average man will feel overly sexualized, and deprived, yet he will be blamed.

I now digress.

I know I've said quite a bit, and that's because it was from my actual experience.

I hope this helps, and I hope your wife actually loves the Lord, and is willing to obey His word, and submit to you like He commands that she must do: that will be the first step in your quest.

PS: I'm sorry if you got married through the state, cause that had the potential of showing up, and biting off your head.

May God bless you, if you choose to obey His word.

 

[Religiot]

I have thrown out all my luxuries, and currently live on the streets of Brisbane/Australia (11 weeks and counting)

I'm truly curious, how's that going? living in the streets.

 

[Salvadore]

Hi, I’m a 30s yr old guys, and I have struggled with inappropriate content ever since I can remember. Since I was a very young teenager I have been getting caught up in the mind altering drug of inappropriate content. I get sad every time I think about it. How much of my life I have wasted to watching a worthless substance that tricks your mind into wanting it more and more when all it brings is hurt pain and destruction. I couldn’t even imagine how many days of my life have been wasted to inappropriate content if I added it all up. It’s really sad and I’m ashamed to admit it but it has really been a struggle of mine. I have hurt my wife countless times and lied more than I could admit. She doesn’t deserve any of it, being a great woman she has stood by me even when I obviously haven’t deserved for her to. I want so much more for my life. To have a normal mindset and not be troubled by what my eyes see everyday. It is def a progressive deal. I want so badly to be done with the person I have been. I have been lazy when it comes to my struggle to be honest. I do well for a couple months, and think I’m doing great, and then one thing happens and I get triggered and fall completely off the horse. I do realize now that I have to work at this daily, and not allow myself to become complacent and thing that I have this thing beat. I need to learn and learn and learn, and work at this like I would attack any other project in my life. As I sad I have been lazy and allowed myself to fall off again and it is killing my wife. I want to be a better man for her and my kids too. I don’t want thyme to grow up and have to explain to them why their daddy had to live in a different place because their mom couldn’t handle my issues any longer. That pains my heart to think that there may come a day that I would have to have that conversation with my kids. I want to work at this and get better. Replace my bad habits with good ones and keep my mind clear of all the things that lead me back to inappropriate content. I have realized that I am way more sensitive than I ever thought. There’s so many cues or triggers that can send me over the edge, and I have to be cautious what I allow to enter into my eyes. I have bought a couple books that I plan to read and help with habit forming and the idolatry of inappropriate content addiction. Hopefully reading and being active in my recovery will allow me to really make good progress and not backslide again. I don’t think my wife can honestly take anymore, so it’s now or never for me and my family. I know and believe in my heart that I can do it. the lord tells me that I can all things through him, and I have to do this. Thanks for listening or reading rather, I just pray that I can actually overcome this horrible mindset that has ruined years of my and my wife’s lives.

Someone spoke with our church about inappropriate content. It can take 2 years of counselling to recover. inappropriate content is very addictive. I hope you can find someone to help you.

 

[NeverL0ved]

I'm truly curious, how's that going? living in the streets.

It has it's moments, like waking up covered in mosque bites

 

[Samaritan Woman]

M2020,
Getting professional help is the only way you will overcome this enslavement. These ministries/resources may be able to help -

https://www.purelifeministries.org/overcomers

Resources: Overcoming Sexual Brokenness - Focus on the Family

 

[Joy]

MOD HAT ON

This Thread has Moved
From Introduce Yourself
To Struggles with Sexuality

MOD HAT OFF​

 

[SirHash]

Hey M2020, I can vouch for both PureLifeMinistires and FocusOnTheFamily. It's definitely worth-your-while to check those resources out.
Prayers bro.