Ponderings...
Pondering....
Thinking....
God loves us so much, so very much...
Pondering,
Thinking,
How can this be?
How can He love me so much and I love Him so little?
How can it be that He saves my soul,
That He gives me life and I give Him nothing?
How can it be?
How can it be?
Shivering Cold,
Boiling Hot,
Sin stings like pain,
A pain I am addicted too,
A pain that only You can keep me from,
A pain that only my mind can throw away,
When I am close to You,
When I am found in Your arms.
My thoughts not pure,
My mind not right,
I am trying Lord,
To win the fight,
My thoughts not rhyme,
My thoughts not reason,
Nor a great song,
Nor do they seem close to You,
Not as they used to be.
Those days when my mind was on you,
Those days when my mind was pure,
Those days a distant memory now,
I have defiled myself,
I feel unworthy
To come into Your presence these days.
I feel unfit for service,
I know none are prefect,
But I,
Myself feel unfaithful,
Disloyal,
I feel a hypocrite.
I struggle Lord
To keep my mind where it should be,
I find myself dabbling in sin,
Sin that I should not be in,
It seems to consume me Lord,
It seems to take control of me,
And I do not wish for it too,
But it does all the same.
I try this and that,
I sing or pray,
But none of it is consistent,
None of it is how it used to be.
It is so hard to get back,
So very hard to try
And return to where I was,
To who I was,
But even that
Was not who I am supposed to be.
All this seems to be because I do not follow,
Because You tell me things to do,
And instead of doing them I question.
I wonder if it is me
Or You talking,
Fear seems to keep me,
I am frightened to go foreword,
I do not even know what foreword means anymore it seems.
Its been so long since I have felt free,
I feel trapped,
Constrained,
I feel as if I have put myself into a prison,
A prison that I cannot get out of.
No matter how hard I try
It seems that my sin,
That lust is there to meet me,
That just as I think I am getting better,
Recovering from this sickness,
This disease,
That is when I face it once again,
And lately I have been loosing,
Loosing a lot.
I know that I have victory in You,
Through You,
Why do I feel so weak right now,
What is this for?
I need to stop asking these questions I suppose,
I suppose I need to sit and listen,
Sit and desperately seek Your face,
Sit and meditate upon you,
Sit and simply ask You to speak,
And for me to shut up.
I am so worried about a great many things now,
A bit too worried it seems.
It seems I used to trust You so much,
And then when my faith was tested,
When it was tried,
I fell.
Certainly I did not mean to fall,
I did not intend to fall,
But I did all the same.
The reason,
The excuses,
Make no difference,
For sin is sin all the same,
No mystical answer is going to get me closer to You,
I know that,
I know I will have to seek after You as I did before.
Back when I gave You my all,
Back when I had that passion for you,
That passion to always be near You.
Now it seems I wish to be near you
When it is convenient for me,
That is not how it should be,
And it is wrong.
God I feel so lost,
Why is this happening to me,
Why must I struggle so,
I do not want this Lord,
I despise myself,
I hate to think about what I have done,
Of what I have thought.
Of who I was
And who I am,
Of how its so far from You,
And then when I could have got closer,
I went backward,
I ran away,
I went every slowly it seemed for a time,
But then I dove into the sins,
Into that pool of indulgence.
Ive tasted this sin,
I've tasted life from You,
And the sin is empty
Why did I return?
Why do I return?
I do not want too Lord.
I do not want it.
Help me,
I cry to you Lord,
Please hear my cry,
I feel so helpless,
So dirty and filthy.
I didnt think I could fall,
From where I was,
I was so sure,
But look,
Now I am here,
I am a paradox.
A Christian who is devoted to God,
And at the same time
Devoted to Lust,
To those images,
To those thoughts
That pervert your goodness.
These eyes,
Which have seen Your greatness and beauty,
And yet have seen and been filled with sin.
These eyes that have seen Your greatness,
These eyes as well see unholy things.
My mind,
My thoughts,
My dreams,
They too were cleaned
And were of you,
But now I have begun to dream of other things once more.
The extent does not matter,
Surely I know I have not gone far at all,
But I do not care,
I have gone far enough,
And it makes me sick.
This is not of You,
And right now I am not of You,
I have not been faithful
Or committed
Or truthful,
What I have been is fake,
Hypocritical,
Useless,
Helpless,
For You,
For your service I have done nothing.
I have been dry and dead,
Liven me Lord,
Return my branch to You vine.
Enlighten me Lord,
Discipline me Lord,
Chasten me Lord,
Correct me and lead me in the ways I should go.
Bless me Lord,
So that I may bless you,
So that others may bless you as well.
Break me,
Break my pot,
Break externals Lord,
Enliven the internals Lord,
Regenerate my life,
Regenerate my soul.
Lead me back on the path of Sanctification,
Back on the path of growth.
I do not want to stop,
I do not want to have enough of you,
But I yearn to constantly know more of You.
Please cleanse me,
Tear me apart,
Kill me Lord,
Kill my old self,
Take it away Lord,
Take it way,
It is of no use,
It is of this world,
Make me new,
Completely,
Help me to sacrifice myself,
Help my to crucify myself.
Help me to die to my old self,
Let me give it up for good God,
Let me crucify those sins
Just as Jesus did on that Cross,
Let them be nailed,
They them be gone Lord.
Let me bear with Christ in his sufferings,
Let me hurt,
Let me ache Lord,
Let my blood flow in life for You,
And let my blood flow in death for You Lord.
Let me be a Christian Lord,
Let me be a man for You,
Let me be a solider who serves his mater,
Let me go out into Battle with my armor God,
With Your word,
Let me be proven just in the end,
That my works for your kingdom were many,
That I put off the old and took on the new.
Help me Lord,
Help me!!!
- 'Doubledb'
(please dont take this as your own. And Please tell me what u think or what u struggle with.)
Pondering....
Thinking....
God loves us so much, so very much...
Pondering,
Thinking,
How can this be?
How can He love me so much and I love Him so little?
How can it be that He saves my soul,
That He gives me life and I give Him nothing?
How can it be?
How can it be?
Shivering Cold,
Boiling Hot,
Sin stings like pain,
A pain I am addicted too,
A pain that only You can keep me from,
A pain that only my mind can throw away,
When I am close to You,
When I am found in Your arms.
My thoughts not pure,
My mind not right,
I am trying Lord,
To win the fight,
My thoughts not rhyme,
My thoughts not reason,
Nor a great song,
Nor do they seem close to You,
Not as they used to be.
Those days when my mind was on you,
Those days when my mind was pure,
Those days a distant memory now,
I have defiled myself,
I feel unworthy
To come into Your presence these days.
I feel unfit for service,
I know none are prefect,
But I,
Myself feel unfaithful,
Disloyal,
I feel a hypocrite.
I struggle Lord
To keep my mind where it should be,
I find myself dabbling in sin,
Sin that I should not be in,
It seems to consume me Lord,
It seems to take control of me,
And I do not wish for it too,
But it does all the same.
I try this and that,
I sing or pray,
But none of it is consistent,
None of it is how it used to be.
It is so hard to get back,
So very hard to try
And return to where I was,
To who I was,
But even that
Was not who I am supposed to be.
All this seems to be because I do not follow,
Because You tell me things to do,
And instead of doing them I question.
I wonder if it is me
Or You talking,
Fear seems to keep me,
I am frightened to go foreword,
I do not even know what foreword means anymore it seems.
Its been so long since I have felt free,
I feel trapped,
Constrained,
I feel as if I have put myself into a prison,
A prison that I cannot get out of.
No matter how hard I try
It seems that my sin,
That lust is there to meet me,
That just as I think I am getting better,
Recovering from this sickness,
This disease,
That is when I face it once again,
And lately I have been loosing,
Loosing a lot.
I know that I have victory in You,
Through You,
Why do I feel so weak right now,
What is this for?
I need to stop asking these questions I suppose,
I suppose I need to sit and listen,
Sit and desperately seek Your face,
Sit and meditate upon you,
Sit and simply ask You to speak,
And for me to shut up.
I am so worried about a great many things now,
A bit too worried it seems.
It seems I used to trust You so much,
And then when my faith was tested,
When it was tried,
I fell.
Certainly I did not mean to fall,
I did not intend to fall,
But I did all the same.
The reason,
The excuses,
Make no difference,
For sin is sin all the same,
No mystical answer is going to get me closer to You,
I know that,
I know I will have to seek after You as I did before.
Back when I gave You my all,
Back when I had that passion for you,
That passion to always be near You.
Now it seems I wish to be near you
When it is convenient for me,
That is not how it should be,
And it is wrong.
God I feel so lost,
Why is this happening to me,
Why must I struggle so,
I do not want this Lord,
I despise myself,
I hate to think about what I have done,
Of what I have thought.
Of who I was
And who I am,
Of how its so far from You,
And then when I could have got closer,
I went backward,
I ran away,
I went every slowly it seemed for a time,
But then I dove into the sins,
Into that pool of indulgence.
Ive tasted this sin,
I've tasted life from You,
And the sin is empty
Why did I return?
Why do I return?
I do not want too Lord.
I do not want it.
Help me,
I cry to you Lord,
Please hear my cry,
I feel so helpless,
So dirty and filthy.
I didnt think I could fall,
From where I was,
I was so sure,
But look,
Now I am here,
I am a paradox.
A Christian who is devoted to God,
And at the same time
Devoted to Lust,
To those images,
To those thoughts
That pervert your goodness.
These eyes,
Which have seen Your greatness and beauty,
And yet have seen and been filled with sin.
These eyes that have seen Your greatness,
These eyes as well see unholy things.
My mind,
My thoughts,
My dreams,
They too were cleaned
And were of you,
But now I have begun to dream of other things once more.
The extent does not matter,
Surely I know I have not gone far at all,
But I do not care,
I have gone far enough,
And it makes me sick.
This is not of You,
And right now I am not of You,
I have not been faithful
Or committed
Or truthful,
What I have been is fake,
Hypocritical,
Useless,
Helpless,
For You,
For your service I have done nothing.
I have been dry and dead,
Liven me Lord,
Return my branch to You vine.
Enlighten me Lord,
Discipline me Lord,
Chasten me Lord,
Correct me and lead me in the ways I should go.
Bless me Lord,
So that I may bless you,
So that others may bless you as well.
Break me,
Break my pot,
Break externals Lord,
Enliven the internals Lord,
Regenerate my life,
Regenerate my soul.
Lead me back on the path of Sanctification,
Back on the path of growth.
I do not want to stop,
I do not want to have enough of you,
But I yearn to constantly know more of You.
Please cleanse me,
Tear me apart,
Kill me Lord,
Kill my old self,
Take it away Lord,
Take it way,
It is of no use,
It is of this world,
Make me new,
Completely,
Help me to sacrifice myself,
Help my to crucify myself.
Help me to die to my old self,
Let me give it up for good God,
Let me crucify those sins
Just as Jesus did on that Cross,
Let them be nailed,
They them be gone Lord.
Let me bear with Christ in his sufferings,
Let me hurt,
Let me ache Lord,
Let my blood flow in life for You,
And let my blood flow in death for You Lord.
Let me be a Christian Lord,
Let me be a man for You,
Let me be a solider who serves his mater,
Let me go out into Battle with my armor God,
With Your word,
Let me be proven just in the end,
That my works for your kingdom were many,
That I put off the old and took on the new.
Help me Lord,
Help me!!!
- 'Doubledb'
(please dont take this as your own. And Please tell me what u think or what u struggle with.)