Pleasure or Intimacy?

[gracefaith]

The discussion of "gadgets, toys and oils" has brought some questions to mind.


1) Is the goal of sex physical pleasure or emotional/spiritual intimacy? Or is it both?

2) Can one put emphasis on one to the detriment or exclusion of the other?

3) Do toys put the emphasis on experiencing physical pleasure rather than achieving emotional/spiritual intimacy? Or can toys help with achieving emotional/spiritual intimacy?

4) What can you do to enhance emotional/spiritual intimacy in your love life?


I did my best to not make the questions "loaded." I'm interested in honest responses and introspection, especially to the last question.

 

[EmSchmem]

1.) I think it's both. I think by giving one another (not by taking) pleasure we enhance unity an intimacy. There can be many different "goals" to sex. It can be for comfort, pleasure, healing, unity, fun, or baby making.
2.) Putting emphasis on one thing over another consistantly can be dangerous.
3.) When someone wants to introduce toys, I wonder what else is wrong in other areas of their marriage. Toys in an of themselves are not necessarily wrong but I think a couple should look at ALL aspects of their relationship and at ALL the reasons they want to add toys before doing so. They should take it to God both together and seprately and being 100% honest.
4.) PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! Have fun! Relax! Communicate honestly. Make it your (you generic, not you a specific person)goal to fully pleasure the other person. Don't hide behind false or even true modesty in front of your partner. We are not supposed to be modest sexually in front of our loves.

As far as adding "spice" my husband and I try to stay away for the most part because we know we are often over compensating for something else. When we do want to be adventurous we usually head out and find a "dangerous" place.

 

[2lplvr]

The discussion of "gadgets, toys and oils" has brought some questions to mind.


1) Is the goal of sex physical pleasure or emotional/spiritual intimacy? Or is it both?

I don't see it as an "ultimate" goal a much as a process. Each encounter should some how build on the last with anticipation for the next in an emotional and physical way.

2) Can one put emphasis on one to the detriment or exclusion of the other? .

YES! Especially if it is about personal satisfaction verses mutual satisfaction.

3) Do toys put the emphasis on experiencing physical pleasure rather than achieving emotional/spiritual intimacy? Or can toys help with achieving emotional/spiritual intimacy?

I don't really know, but it would seem like physical pleasure would be the priority. That could be the first step to a better emotional initimacy for some couples if that is an area where there has been struggle/disappointment.

4) What can you do to enhance emotional/spiritual intimacy in your love life?

I think for women, talking. The intimacy begins when you are fully clothed if you are open and vulnerable about the things that matter most and are seeking those things out in your spouse.

 

[Peter]

One cannot seperate spiritual from physical, or one would die. The body needs the spirit and the spirit the body. However, it is an interesting balance between the two. We "discipline the body to make it our slave (I Cor. 9:27)," not to make the body stronger, but the spirit. For the spirit gives not a fig for the body, it has no need nor use for physical pleasures and appetites. But it is controlled by our own ability to controll our physical selves. This is why we fast from foods, and yes even sex (I Cor. 7:5), for the disciplining of the soul/spirit.

The answer is neither a simple one or another, or for that matter "Both." Sex is something that pleases the body and gives opportunity for the soul. When we deny ourselves "for a season," we are able to renew our souls and purify it of sin. If there is no denial, then we become carnal and only live for the flesh and surrender our soul to be overrun by the enemy.

Sex is best understood within marriage, because Christ's union with the Church is best understood within marriage. To have sex outside of marriage is a marred image of Christ and His bride. He will not, and has not, ever, joined Himself with a harlot. He is faithful to her, and she has always been faithful to Him. Neither seeks the pleasure of self, but the other.

Christ cannot love another, lest He hate himself (Eph. 5:28). But rather He nourishes and cherishes His body, the Church (Eph. 5:29).

When we begin to grasp the concept of Christ and the Church first, then the questions above become immaterial.

You want your intimacy with your spouse to get better, serve Christ together. Pray with your spouse. I don't mean "popcorn prayer," I mean pray the same thing at the same time. You have a whole book of prayers in your Bible, use 'em. Pray the prayers of the services of the Church together. Use the prayers of the Church in your home. Set up a family altar. (What about your home makes strangers say "These people must be Christians"? ) Do service projects together. If you are not united with your spouse's soul, you cannot ever hope to be completely united in bed.

Peace.

Peter

 

[Svt4Him]

1) Is the goal of sex physical pleasure or emotional/spiritual intimacy? Or is it both?- can be a few others as well. Biblically it was for procration, comfort, stress, joy, so where do those fall?

2) Can one put emphasis on one to the detriment or exclusion of the other? - sure, and I bet we do more often than not.

3) Do toys put the emphasis on experiencing physical pleasure rather than achieving emotional/spiritual intimacy? Or can toys help with achieving emotional/spiritual intimacy?- Yes and yes.

4) What can you do to enhance emotional/spiritual intimacy in your love life?- won't tell here.