Hi everybody. Well....I'm a really confused person right now. I was in a relationship for a year, and I'm not sure if I'm BPD or he is or what has gone on. I've been talking to a clinical social worker, and she ruled out BPD for me, but I don't really get how, when I can see that I have at least five of the traits. Anyway...during my relationship, I got upset over a lot of really small things. I almost broke up with him over refusing to open doors for me. Stupid stuff. After we had sex...this was about nine months into our relationship...I had a lot of issues...guilt, etc. He broke up with me at the end of May but was seeing me every day and still telling me he loved me...kissing...etc. This was hard for me...I felt like I was being used...even though he said he was just "testing the waters" to see if things would get better. I would have these big freak outs and show up at his house even though he told me not to. The last time I did that, he called the cops on me and told me he never wanted to see me again. He'd said that before...but we haven't spoken in a week, and it's killing me. I don't think he's ever going to talk to me again, and I'm so scared. I'm not sure if he's BPD...he's been diagnosed bipolar, but I never saw that in him. He has had a failed marriage, and at the age of 28, he has been the one to end all of his relationships. He has a daughter he doesn't see or support. After he ends his relationships, he usually ends up going back to the person or asking them back. I seem to be the one with the real abandonment issues though. He was verbally abusive and did hit me a few times....all but one time, I hit him first though. I'm the first wife/gf he has ever physically hit. I am just so lost and confused...is any of this making sense? I don't hvae anybody to turn to...he was my only friend/support/family. I want so much for him to make contact with me. I have no clue what he's doing. I wonder if he's just going about his life...moving on...perfcetly happy. I should do the same, but I just can't. I don' t know what to do. Our relationship was so strong in the beginning...we were going to church, etc. Then, I was positive it was from God and meant to be. Now...things have just gone nuts and there's nothing I can do. I'm so scared he'll never speak to me again. Can anybody tell me anything?
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These don't sound like good signs that you mentioned:
I'm sure you can find a better (and safer) non-abusive relationship.
I think you could be reacting so strongly because you were so wrapped up in him (one person). You could try developing some other relationships and support systems (like by getting involved at church).
Try and focus on your relationship with Jesus and continue going to church on your own. In God's timing He may have someone else for you.
As for your own issues, if you have enough anger to hit someone, you should get some help for that. Even if the one social worker missed something, it's best to get more than one opinion.
I for one, know that it's easy to "obsess" over someone, it's best to try to not think about it but get involved with other things, try and develop other relationships, and most importantly-focus on a relationship with God..then He brings everything else into perspective.
Even though you don't feel like it now, it seems like you would be better off without someone like this, even though you were only in relationship short time, you have obviously seen many bad signs in such a short time. He sounds like a neglectful & abuse type person, possibly due to some type of psychological problem. In any case (though it may be hard to hear)
I'm sure you can find a better (and safer) non-abusive relationship.
I think you could be reacting so strongly because you were so wrapped up in him (one person). You could try developing some other relationships and support systems (like by getting involved at church).
Try and focus on your relationship with Jesus and continue going to church on your own. In God's timing He may have someone else for you.
As for your own issues, if you have enough anger to hit someone, you should get some help for that. Even if the one social worker missed something, it's best to get more than one opinion.
I for one, know that it's easy to "obsess" over someone, it's best to try to not think about it but get involved with other things, try and develop other relationships, and most importantly-focus on a relationship with God..then He brings everything else into perspective.
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- Jun 29, 2004
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1) Second opinions are a great thing.
2) Abuse, regardless of who started it, it never right.
3) If he has a daughter who he doesn't see or support, take it from me, you don't need someone like that who could potentially father your potential fatherless children.
I'm sorry for this situation. Feel free to PM me and chat more.
-Hallee
2) Abuse, regardless of who started it, it never right.
3) If he has a daughter who he doesn't see or support, take it from me, you don't need someone like that who could potentially father your potential fatherless children.
I'm sorry for this situation. Feel free to PM me and chat more.
-Hallee
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madison1101
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Definitely get a second opinion on your diganosis. As a licensed social worker, myself, I encourage second opinions.
As for this guy, he is not good partner material. His lack of responsibility toward his own child shows his true character.
If you are behaving with violence toward anyone, you need a psychiatric evaluation, and possible meds. I would encourage that you do that.
God bless.
Trish
As for this guy, he is not good partner material. His lack of responsibility toward his own child shows his true character.
If you are behaving with violence toward anyone, you need a psychiatric evaluation, and possible meds. I would encourage that you do that.
God bless.
Trish
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There really isn't much I can say regarding the situation that hasn't been mentioned already, but please, for the sake of your own well being, stay away from him. As OddBeani said, if he doesn't take care of the child he already has, the risk of him doing the same to any children you may have with him is just too high.
However, I know how hard it is to leave someone you love, especially if you feel like you have no friends. I've been there before, too. However, my therapist was able to put me in touch with support groups, and I encourage you to see if your social worker can do the same for you. If you attend church, reach out for support, there. A lot of people will be really loving and supportive, but you just have to make that first step of reaching out.
I'm here for you if you ever want or need to talk.
~Hallie
However, I know how hard it is to leave someone you love, especially if you feel like you have no friends. I've been there before, too. However, my therapist was able to put me in touch with support groups, and I encourage you to see if your social worker can do the same for you. If you attend church, reach out for support, there. A lot of people will be really loving and supportive, but you just have to make that first step of reaching out.
I'm here for you if you ever want or need to talk.
~Hallie
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