Ok this is probably going to be a long post but (now that I'm finished I see it turn out to be a really long post but if you have time please read it)...
I am really confused about God's will at this moment. I was born in a Christain family but before I became a real Christian , I was obsessed with beauty. I was hungry for new techniques to beautify myself. My happiness depended my beauty. I knew beauty wasn't supposed to be an idol and told myself it wasn't... but deep down I knew it was. So obviously, I was quite obsessed with makeup. I didn't dare show myself in public without it. I felt super ugly without it. I am blonde and my eyelashes are really light/hard to see, my eyebrows are light, my eyes are small, my lips are thin and pale, and I have fair skin so without makeup I look pretty washed out/plain. My parents didn't allow me to wear makeup (I wore a lot of it) but I still sneaked it everyday. I just took it off on the bus ride home.
However, when I accepted Jesus into my life, I was quickly convicted of this disobedience. I hated the conviction though. "GIVE UP MAKEUP? WHAT!!???!!! No no no no no I cant......." It was a clear sin though, I was disobeying my parents. So I started to use less and less makeup. My dad was okay with me using a bit of makeup like some mascara to make my eyelashes stand out a bit... and my mom actually kind of encourages it. But yet, I actually got to the point where I was okay with going to school with no makeup at all! Not only did God help me do what seemed impossible, but He also greatly improved my self-esteem. I feel prettier now (not in an arrogant way) and much more comfortable with myself. I can easily go to places without makeup but I still prefer to usually put on a bit of mascara to places like church and school. My obsession with beauty has created subsided! (Thank you God!)
Seems like everything turned out great, right? Well, I can't say so. I started feeling like wearing makeup was wrong, period. Even though my parents were completely fine with the amount I used, I felt guilt. I would push the thought away though. But this spring, things got more severe. I had finally made a big step in defeating a certain sin that I was trying to get rid of. It was a very hard step but I finally did it. I felt my relationship with God automatically deepen and I felt so glad that I finally did what God was pushing me to do. But quickly after -I think it was a matter of minutes- my joy was stomped on by a thought... about makeup. It was a thought that said I had to give up makeup because it was a sin to use it. And from then on, a very confusing and difficult wrestle begun that at this moment is still going on.
That thought was doing powerful things to me. It rid me of my peace and happiness. I remember crying one night because of it. If you would ask me to describe the thought/voice... I would say it was violent, quick and hurrying me, telling me I needed to stop using makeup . It made me feel sort of separated from God.
You see, recently before the thought, I had troubles with feeling guilty for seemingly ridiculous things. I remember cleaning the dishes and there was a pot that had a very little amount of soup left in it. I was debating to clean it or not. I thought it would be reasonable just to leave it in case someone would want the last little bit but something inside was telling me, "Quit making excuses... you just don't want to clean the pot." I think the whole thing came from the "do everything unto the Lord" verse in the Bible... I wasn't cleaning the dishes as good as I should, I was too lazy to clean the pot...
However, I went against the thought and didn't clean it. (It was not a easy choice.) My mom later came home from and work and opened the pot and exclaimed, "Oh good there is some soup left!" and enjoyed a bowl of soup. That's when it really struck me that not every thought in my head is from God. Eventually, after having many problems with this, I decided to compare all my thoughts with the truth of the Bible, using reason. This was fairly recent before the makeup thought came.
So while I was wrestling with the makeup thought, I told myself this thought was not from God since I found no biblical evidence for makeup being wrong. I couldn't understand why makeup was a sin. During this time I remember getting on some kind of Christian forum site. A new thread was posted, the title told that it was about the voice of God. "Great!" I thought. "This is exactly what I need!" I read it and it said how the the voice of God was still and soft and didn't hurry you (the makeup voice definitely hurrying me). I felt I had received my answer and was happy, but that didn't last. This is what has been going on until now.
At some points, I feel sure that the voice isn't from God. At other points, I feel it is from God and I just don't want to give up makeup... I have prayed so many times about this... and at some points I felt so sure the voice wasn't from God. The guilt would disappear, I would be happy, but as soon as I heard someone say something about listening to your conscience or the like, BAM... I was back to where I was. I would feel compelled to stop using makeup but then I would think, "If I stop using makeup, people will ask me why. What will I say? Nothing. I don't have any reasoning for believing makeup is wrong."
You see, every argument against makeup seems invalid to me. Like the one that says it's changing the natural look God gave you and is a way of rebelling against God. To me, that would mean it would be wrong to remove any hair on your body (even if you are a woman born with a mustache), get braces, get rid of acne with treatment creams, straighten/curl/wave your hair, use deodorant, ect. I feel that if I stop using makeup, I need to stop these things too or else I would be hypocritical, which is taught against in the Bible. Also the argument of it being vain/prideful I cannot agree with because vanity is a issue of the heart and a woman who doesn't use makeup can very well still be vain. Likewise, a woman who does use makeup can be humble. My mom for example, is clearly not a vain woman, but she sometimes uses some lipstick because she has pale lips. I can't think of a reason for makeup being wrong. But I can't settle onthis, I can't make a choice. Because when I decide I will ignore the voice I fear that I may be ignoring the voice of God and rebelling against Him, but then I feel that it isn't the voice of God because things don't add up... I am just really confused. I really want to figure this out and return to a completely peaceful, confusion-free relationship with Christ. Please don't tell me that I shouldn't worry about such minor things and there is more important things to worry about like children starving in Africa and that I should just forget about this because God doesn't care about these little things. If I could forget about it, I would have already! But I can't... I can't stop thinking about it and it's affecting my relationship with Christ and I really need to figure this out. So thank you for taking the time to read this very long post and please pray for me to figure this out and everything to turn out well and leave your advice/ thoughts/ opinions.
I am really confused about God's will at this moment. I was born in a Christain family but before I became a real Christian , I was obsessed with beauty. I was hungry for new techniques to beautify myself. My happiness depended my beauty. I knew beauty wasn't supposed to be an idol and told myself it wasn't... but deep down I knew it was. So obviously, I was quite obsessed with makeup. I didn't dare show myself in public without it. I felt super ugly without it. I am blonde and my eyelashes are really light/hard to see, my eyebrows are light, my eyes are small, my lips are thin and pale, and I have fair skin so without makeup I look pretty washed out/plain. My parents didn't allow me to wear makeup (I wore a lot of it) but I still sneaked it everyday. I just took it off on the bus ride home.
However, when I accepted Jesus into my life, I was quickly convicted of this disobedience. I hated the conviction though. "GIVE UP MAKEUP? WHAT!!???!!! No no no no no I cant......." It was a clear sin though, I was disobeying my parents. So I started to use less and less makeup. My dad was okay with me using a bit of makeup like some mascara to make my eyelashes stand out a bit... and my mom actually kind of encourages it. But yet, I actually got to the point where I was okay with going to school with no makeup at all! Not only did God help me do what seemed impossible, but He also greatly improved my self-esteem. I feel prettier now (not in an arrogant way) and much more comfortable with myself. I can easily go to places without makeup but I still prefer to usually put on a bit of mascara to places like church and school. My obsession with beauty has created subsided! (Thank you God!)
Seems like everything turned out great, right? Well, I can't say so. I started feeling like wearing makeup was wrong, period. Even though my parents were completely fine with the amount I used, I felt guilt. I would push the thought away though. But this spring, things got more severe. I had finally made a big step in defeating a certain sin that I was trying to get rid of. It was a very hard step but I finally did it. I felt my relationship with God automatically deepen and I felt so glad that I finally did what God was pushing me to do. But quickly after -I think it was a matter of minutes- my joy was stomped on by a thought... about makeup. It was a thought that said I had to give up makeup because it was a sin to use it. And from then on, a very confusing and difficult wrestle begun that at this moment is still going on.
That thought was doing powerful things to me. It rid me of my peace and happiness. I remember crying one night because of it. If you would ask me to describe the thought/voice... I would say it was violent, quick and hurrying me, telling me I needed to stop using makeup . It made me feel sort of separated from God.
You see, recently before the thought, I had troubles with feeling guilty for seemingly ridiculous things. I remember cleaning the dishes and there was a pot that had a very little amount of soup left in it. I was debating to clean it or not. I thought it would be reasonable just to leave it in case someone would want the last little bit but something inside was telling me, "Quit making excuses... you just don't want to clean the pot." I think the whole thing came from the "do everything unto the Lord" verse in the Bible... I wasn't cleaning the dishes as good as I should, I was too lazy to clean the pot...
However, I went against the thought and didn't clean it. (It was not a easy choice.) My mom later came home from and work and opened the pot and exclaimed, "Oh good there is some soup left!" and enjoyed a bowl of soup. That's when it really struck me that not every thought in my head is from God. Eventually, after having many problems with this, I decided to compare all my thoughts with the truth of the Bible, using reason. This was fairly recent before the makeup thought came.
So while I was wrestling with the makeup thought, I told myself this thought was not from God since I found no biblical evidence for makeup being wrong. I couldn't understand why makeup was a sin. During this time I remember getting on some kind of Christian forum site. A new thread was posted, the title told that it was about the voice of God. "Great!" I thought. "This is exactly what I need!" I read it and it said how the the voice of God was still and soft and didn't hurry you (the makeup voice definitely hurrying me). I felt I had received my answer and was happy, but that didn't last. This is what has been going on until now.
At some points, I feel sure that the voice isn't from God. At other points, I feel it is from God and I just don't want to give up makeup... I have prayed so many times about this... and at some points I felt so sure the voice wasn't from God. The guilt would disappear, I would be happy, but as soon as I heard someone say something about listening to your conscience or the like, BAM... I was back to where I was. I would feel compelled to stop using makeup but then I would think, "If I stop using makeup, people will ask me why. What will I say? Nothing. I don't have any reasoning for believing makeup is wrong."
You see, every argument against makeup seems invalid to me. Like the one that says it's changing the natural look God gave you and is a way of rebelling against God. To me, that would mean it would be wrong to remove any hair on your body (even if you are a woman born with a mustache), get braces, get rid of acne with treatment creams, straighten/curl/wave your hair, use deodorant, ect. I feel that if I stop using makeup, I need to stop these things too or else I would be hypocritical, which is taught against in the Bible. Also the argument of it being vain/prideful I cannot agree with because vanity is a issue of the heart and a woman who doesn't use makeup can very well still be vain. Likewise, a woman who does use makeup can be humble. My mom for example, is clearly not a vain woman, but she sometimes uses some lipstick because she has pale lips. I can't think of a reason for makeup being wrong. But I can't settle onthis, I can't make a choice. Because when I decide I will ignore the voice I fear that I may be ignoring the voice of God and rebelling against Him, but then I feel that it isn't the voice of God because things don't add up... I am just really confused. I really want to figure this out and return to a completely peaceful, confusion-free relationship with Christ. Please don't tell me that I shouldn't worry about such minor things and there is more important things to worry about like children starving in Africa and that I should just forget about this because God doesn't care about these little things. If I could forget about it, I would have already! But I can't... I can't stop thinking about it and it's affecting my relationship with Christ and I really need to figure this out. So thank you for taking the time to read this very long post and please pray for me to figure this out and everything to turn out well and leave your advice/ thoughts/ opinions.