Please read and give thoughts and prayers!

[Zita123]

My bipolar took ahold of me (to the point I didn't really exsist to my family) about 2001 and lasted 2 years! (the bipolar didn't last 2 yrs, I still have it, I just didn't live or wanted to live in those 2 yrs.) Well, My youngest of my 4 children was at that time 13 yrs old. She basically didn't have a mother, Thank GOD she had 2 older sisters who drove and who she could open up to. (That was who she went to for " mother " advise. She also is daddy's little girl and always will be. I have the most guilt that I have ever had in my life!!. When I started on my path of getting myself back, with the LORD's help, She really let me have it! I did deserve it and wanted her to let it out but, she is now 16yrs old,2yrs of having me bend over backwards for her. She is old enough to know to know better. Believe me! I have tried so hard to give it all up to GOD and let it go, but, she doesn't let me. I cry alot because she hurts my feelings and has no respect for me. When I tell her this, she yells at me..She has developed a lot of anger and is now in anger management. I really have alot more to say but this is so long already and I really need some input from you! Please write back Thank you and GOD BLESS you all!!! Zita123

 

[Alive again]

My story tends to get longif I go into to much detail. I know that about 11 years ago I was working part time and had been going down hill for awhile. Was to the point I was drinking 8-10 44oz cokes to function, crawling out of bed in the am, barely making it to work, taking 10-12 hrs to get 8 hrs work done. Finally went to get help, meds lead to lots of side effects. Took a leave of absence from work and ended up on disability and dropping out of life for about ten years while we tried to find something I could tolerate that was effective for me. Thus I haven't been much of a wife/mother/human being for the last 10-11 years. I know what you are feeling. I have felt and do feel the same way.

I have come to accept that God is bigger than my bipolar and loves my children more than I could ever if I tried. He knows we are not perfect and does not ask this of us. That's why He died. so we don't have to try to be perfect anymore.

that can be so hard as a mother. Part of how God created us is to want to fix everything for our family. but we have to remind ourselves that only God can truly fix anything and let it go. And when we forget, let it go again. It truly is the best way to let God have the open door to work in our children's lives. The 16 year old girls are such a challenge anyway without all the other issues we have going on with our illness. God is bigger than our illness and our daughter's needs. Girls that age tend to bond with the parent of the opposite sex as a part of maturing as they learn what to look for in a mate. Although their Mom appears outwardly to take a back seat, they are busy trying to be like Mom, while trying to be separate from Mom. They are so confused about this, they don't even know it is going on. and it is all normal.

God chose YOU to be her Mother. He know you and your daughter and YOU are the right Mom for her despite whatever happens and whatever it feels like. Cling to your God and what you know is true. Look for a book about Boundaries by Henry Cloud and begin to learn what is your stuff that God wants you to deal with and what is your daughter's stuff and leave that to her and God. Very difficult for us Mom's sometimes!

Don't think this really long kind of preachy note means I've got it down. It's a daily process like anything else in this life. I forget it all the time and have to come back to God about it all the time. Remember God works through our weakness!!!! My prayers are with you. Remember just how precious you are to God. You are forgiven and God will prevail.

 

[redhead05]

Dear Fellow Bipolars,
I do not have any kids of my own, so I can't say much about what to do in that situation. However, my sister one night a couple of months ago was visiting and she brought up some of the bad things I did when I had my first manic episode, especially telling me about the things that I did that hurt her. I think she is still upset about it and I didn't remember all that I said or did when I was sick. Much of it in fact has been blocked out like memory loss. But I feel guilt alot. Like the other post says.. God has forgiven us though, so now we must enjoy the present and realize we can't get back tomorrow to change how things happened. But we can love those we may have hurt and show them that we are there for them now. God will heal their hearts in due time. Take care. God Bless!
redhead05

 

[Jeshu]

My bipolar took ahold of me (to the point I didn't really exsist to my family) about 2001 and lasted 2 years! (the bipolar didn't last 2 yrs, I still have it, I just didn't live or wanted to live in those 2 yrs.) Well, My youngest of my 4 children was at that time 13 yrs old. She basically didn't have a mother, Thank GOD she had 2 older sisters who drove and who she could open up to. (That was who she went to for " mother " advise. She also is daddy's little girl and always will be. I have the most guilt that I have ever had in my life!!. When I started on my path of getting myself back, with the LORD's help, She really let me have it! I did deserve it and wanted her to let it out but, she is now 16yrs old,2yrs of having me bend over backwards for her. She is old enough to know to know better. Believe me! I have tried so hard to give it all up to GOD and let it go, but, she doesn't let me. I cry alot because she hurts my feelings and has no respect for me. When I tell her this, she yells at me..She has developed a lot of anger and is now in anger management. I really have alot more to say but this is so long already and I really need some input from you! Please write back Thank you and GOD BLESS you all!!! Zita123

Zita

You describe an all to common problem bipolar parents face. Rejection from husband/wife and/or child(ren) because of who we have been and what we have done. I faced this reality many times and still sometimes do. The answer to the problem is not all that complex but it needs time.
As a youthworker I've been confronted we your situation many times - where a child was angry and often even hated his/her parents. Time and again it was not love that was missing but it was lack of communication between the two parties. It seems that this is where the core of your problem lays as well.
One way I have used repeatedly in addressing this problem at my home is letting my wife and kids speak out their hurts, caused by me, around the tea table. Sometimes this made us relive the events in intense ways, where accusations, hurt questions and broken trust came to the fore. Nevertheless also where open communication in love, forgivenness and grace took the pain away. Guilt we have to fight with all the faith we can muster during such times - as it is an on going process - but we can tell our families about our pain and hurts as well, we can cry with them, ask for forgiveness and explain. These times - and this is over a process that has lasted for eight years already - during which all of my five children reached teenage years - my youngest is seventeen - kept the communication open and restored much of the hurt and brokenness which my sickness brought into my family time and again.

My advise to you is find a good counsellor and see if your daughter is willing to go as well. Don't let guilt cloud your judgement or make descision for you instead fight as hard as you can against it, Guilt brings us no inner good ever. Forgiveness is the answer to your problem.

Be praying hard for you and your daughter.

 

[LostnFound]

I love all this advice.

All I have to add is this...as a mother, the time HAS to come for us to openly put our feet down. The guilt probably won't ever go away, but we don't have to allow them to know that, or to use it against us. At some point you have to openly acknowledge that you have all been through hell and back, but MOMMA IS BACK IN TOWN! LOL It probably won't be fast or easy, but it's probably what she needs to hear.

 

[Zita123]

I can't thank you enough for telling me your story. I really want to believe that there is hope for me and my daughter. I will everyday from now on, give it up to GOD!! I pray this works. Thanks again for writing back!! GOD BLESS You!! I will also include you in my prayers! Zita123

 

[Zita123]

As I went to write back to each of you I realized it comes up in here. SO, Thank you to all. I Have alot to do. I just cried alot and ,I have to say ,It felt good!! I am glad that I have already started alot of the things that were said. I do believe now, my daughter is using this on me. I will talk to her again and tell her how I feel. I also won't stop praying. " Power of prayer! " I always say. Time to give it up and let my prayers come through. Thank you all again and GOD BLESS!!! Zita123