Please Pray For Us

[RollTideRyan]

Hello yall,

I've been registered here for a while but haven't really ever done much. I'm coming here broken and crying after my wife and I got into our latest fight. We've only been married a year and a half, but things have gone downhill so fast. It seems like every week we have a terrible fight and they're just getting worse and worse. I know it's both of our faults, and I know both of us are just getting worn down.

What usually happens, is that I feel so underappreciated. I do things every day to try to help out. I cook all the meals, do the trash, fix things, I'm always the first to say "I love you," (I can't even remember the last time my wife said it first without me saying it), and things like that. At the end of the day, though, it's always "You never do anything to help out around here." It gets me frustrated because I know I do stuff but I feel worthless. I've got a pretty quick temper, so it always results in me blowing up and my wife blowing up. Recently, the things we've started saying to each other are beyond what I thought would ever be said between us and I don't know how to continue.

I don't know what to do. I don't want a divorce and I always believe we will work things out. I love her so much, I just want to feel loved and appreciated too. But it's only been 18 months and I'm completely lost. I pray multiple times a day for God's help with this and I know he hears me, but things have been going the other way. Maybe it takes more than just my prayers, so I'm begging all of you to help pray for our relationship to get better, for us to show more love to each other, and for us to be happily married.

We have had alot going on lately - she had thyroid cancer removed last August, I had ACL reconstructive surgery in November which delayed alot of my officer training for the army, and we just bought a new house in December. I know we've both been stressed out, but maybe once things get settled down a little and we don't have so many bills keeping us down, and with the help of your prayers and mine, we can get better.

Thank you all and God bless you!

Ryan

 

[malloriesDad]

Hey Ryan!

First of all, I just want to say thank you for service! We all appreciate all that you and our other service men and women do for our country.

I feel your pain and completely understand everything you are saying. My wife is the same way, we have been married 8 years now, things have just gotten worse in the last year or so. She never says "I love you" unless I say it first, I like you, do all the housework, give everything to the marriage and get nothing back in return.

Like you, I don't feel like my wife returns the love I give to her. My only advice is talk to her about how you feel. Either she will realize how she has been acting and hopefully try to fix the situation. If she dismisses your feelings and trys to avoid or deflect the blame on you then she may have some other reasons for her actions.

In my wife's case I found out she is not happy with her life and she does not want counseling. She refuses to fix our marriage and basically we are just living together in the same house. The more I try to do things to show my love the worse it makes things. I wish I had better advice, but you have to start somewhere and the first thing you need to do is communicate to her how you are feeling and hopefully you can repair your marriage before any damage is done.

I know you love her, I can tell you do by your post. But TRUST me on this one, from one man to another.....it's better to find out there are problems in the marrige early on and if those can't be fixed then you need to think about other options because believe me, once you have kids then the situation becomes much more difficult. I know divorce is not something you want to think about, it's not something I want to consider either. I love my wife too, with all my heart.....Even with all the hurt she has put me through I still want to fix our marrige. But I see how it is affecting my kids and that hurts me the most. We as husbands can only do so much, it sounds like you are doing alot. All you can do is show her you love her, tell her you are there for her, and if she will let you, talk things out.

I'll pray for you Ryan! If you ever want to talk about this IM me here on the site, i"m on here from time to time. I think we are both in similiar situations.

Wish you all the best!

Andy

 

[RollTideRyan]

Andy,

Thanks for your response. I read it a few days ago but haven't really had a chance to reply, yet.

Since our last fight, things have seemed to get better. We've been doing things together and getting along better and I like to think it's because I've got alot of people praying for me. I know we'll get into more arguments in the future, but I'm just hoping we can both avoid crossing any lines where we'll regret anything we say or do.

Reading over soem of the threads in this forum, it looks like alot of people are in our same position. It's a pretty bad feeling, but I'm determined to make it work out. I feel like if I loved her enough to marry her then there has to be something we can still get out of our relationship. We probably won't have kids for another year or so, and hopefully by that time we'll be happily married again instead of being two people just living in a house together.

 

[McScribe]

First of all, standing in faith with you most of all for courage and wisdom. what you're going through is hard, I've been there too. You feel like your every fault is magnified, like you can somehow do nothing right in one of the most desperate fights of your life. So I'm with you there brother. I pray that you have strength of heart as the Bible promises, the clarity and wisdom that God promises us too. You're not alone in this.

So I'm also agreeing with you in faith for your marriage to get better--for opportunities to come your way and for you to both have your eyes and ears open to be able to really overcome what you're going through now, so that the spirit of biblical love is in both of you and that it is something tangible that you can live by, and that the medical problems that you have been experiencing will be overcome in Jesus' name, because the Bible does say that by his stripes we are healed, and by his wounds we are made whole.

 

[GodOurKing]

I will pray for you and your wife to have harmony in your marriage.

God bless you

 

[citizenthom]

Reading over soem of the threads in this forum, it looks like alot of people are in our same position.

On the contrary, you are probably in a much better position. Most of the people who post here have gotten so far into bad marital habits that digging out is an extremely long and difficult road. Your marriage is still young. It will not be nearly as difficult for you and your wife to work past your bad responses to one another and learn to respond to one another properly.

Have you spoken to your pastor about your problems or considered other Christian counseling?

 

[RollTideRyan]

On the contrary, you are probably in a much better position. Most of the people who post here have gotten so far into bad marital habits that digging out is an extremely long and difficult road. Your marriage is still young. It will not be nearly as difficult for you and your wife to work past your bad responses to one another and learn to respond to one another properly.

Have you spoken to your pastor about your problems or considered other Christian counseling?

That is true. This thread is just an attempt to try to get that far down.

We haven't spoken to our Pastor yet and hopefully we won't need to. I have mentioned counseling previously, but we haven't gone. It is funny, though, since I made this thread, we haven't had ANY big fights when we had been having them twice a week or more. I know it's only been a few weeks, but I can feel our relationship getting better and hopefully it keeps going that way. I appreciate the prayers so far and would appreciate the continuation of them!

Ryan