Please, I really need some help. :(

[theseed]

I am engaged to a woman that is divorced. Her husband, who was thought to be a believer, is now an athiest. He is still very mean in the way he speaks to my fiancee, verbally abusive. She gets distraught and depressed when he does this. She says that he should not have to put up with this anymore, but she has to because he has joint custody with her son. She is considering suing for full custody because of this verbal abuse, his drug use, and the non christian environment her son is in. His dad supposedlly, works 12 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Today, she was late picking her son up because we had premarital counseling. He yelled at her and argued with whatever she said. He had to work, but he does not punch a time clock. She was only 30 minutes late.

She calls me, and all I knew to do was listen, I had no human answer (I'm a school counselor), and the only Spiritual answer I had was to pray and take it to God. If I deeply upset, I pray and read my bible. In her case, I would have pulled the car over to pray and ask God to help me pull it together. But she said she was too upset to pray.

As anyone been through this kind of experience? Does anyone know what to do about such as situation? She is not mean to him, but he is mean to her, and I think she has a hard time letting it go because they were married so long.

Any kind of help/advice/prayers you can give would be most helpful. thank you.

 

[fulltime]

Although it sounds like a really hard situation to deal with. It needs to be between the husband and wife without outsiders to get involved. It will just make matters worse when you challange the natural husband. These situations need to be documented for the court to see. It will affect the time the child or children will spend with the father. If there is no documentation to proof. It is just disagreement between a divorced couple over child support/ visitation.Once there is documentation, you can request to modify the exiting visition rights of the abusesive spouce.You can call CPS if the children maybe in harms way. I will pray for you.

 

[theseed]

We've had a long talk tonight, as you can imagine. She confessed that she didn't respond to me the way she should have. She called someone from our church, and they told her the same thing, to pray. Later, I was able to think of some scripture that was helpful, but at the time, I felt like I wasn't being helpful. I'm going to ride with her the next time she takes her son to visit his dad.

I told her that she needs to be prayed up, and to have on the full Armor of God, because her/our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against satan. The real battle is not against her exhusband, but against the devil.

We commited Sunday evenings to having family devotion time, in fact, we will have devotion time when we drive out of town to take her son to visit his father.

(I've never been married, and I've had my doubts because of the struggles, but I have been sucessful in helping my fiancee and her son. Through circumstances, prayer, other people, and Scripture, God I believe God put my fiancee in my life, and she believes the same).

 

[theseed]

BTW, she is going to document the incident. According to the divorce papers, the exhusband is supposed to be cordial.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

It is a difficult situation. I had the same kind of relationship with my ex and he still struggles for power over me. I refuse to give it by praying for God to soften his heart and by knowing that God is with me each and every time I deal with him. I still get very anxious when I see him because I never know what will happen, but I know that God will not allow him to succeed over me with malicious intent. I hold my head high and don't allow him to know when things he does bother me. It is sometimes the attention that the ex wants so I just don't give in. I pray your fiancee gets the strength to deal with this and do what's best for her son.

 

[hope4today]

I sometimes have difficulty with my ex as he tries to blame me for the consequences of his own actions and it is very distressing.

It is very difficult to heal when the wounds keep getting ripped open. I would suggest as little contact as possible if she can.

You asked for ideas, so here are a couple of suggestions for your fiancee to consider.

Because my ex verbally attacks me I have now told him that I will only communicate with him via email. He didn't like it because he lost control that way, but I enforced the email only contact. It is not in breach of any custody/communication orders because I am still available for communication, just not verbally. It means that if he does abuse me it is easier to deal with because I don't have to respond straight away but can seperate myself from it first. I can also keep anything he writes as evidence. So far he hasn't been game to put anything nasty in writing.
I don't know why she has to take their son to him but I would also consider having an intermediary (not you) do the drop off, so she doesn't have to see her ex at all. Or arrange the drop off in a very public, busy place. That should help keep him in line.

These things require some commitment to make them happen and enforce them but if the situation is strained it could be worth it.

I also understand your fiancee's difficulty to pray in the strain of the moment. Although it may seem obvious to pray, sometimes it is just too hard and we need someone to carry us. The best you can do is to love her and keep praying for her.

Bless you both as you work through this

 

[Autumnleaf]

I am engaged to a woman that is divorced. Her husband, who was thought to be a believer, is now an athiest. He is still very mean in the way he speaks to my fiancee, verbally abusive. She gets distraught and depressed when he does this. She says that he should not have to put up with this anymore, but she has to because he has joint custody with her son. She is considering suing for full custody because of this verbal abuse, his drug use, and the non christian environment her son is in. His dad supposedlly, works 12 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Today, she was late picking her son up because we had premarital counseling. He yelled at her and argued with whatever she said. He had to work, but he does not punch a time clock. She was only 30 minutes late.

She calls me, and all I knew to do was listen, I had no human answer (I'm a school counselor), and the only Spiritual answer I had was to pray and take it to God. If I deeply upset, I pray and read my bible. In her case, I would have pulled the car over to pray and ask God to help me pull it together. But she said she was too upset to pray.

As anyone been through this kind of experience? Does anyone know what to do about such as situation? She is not mean to him, but he is mean to her, and I think she has a hard time letting it go because they were married so long.

Any kind of help/advice/prayers you can give would be most helpful. thank you.

Getting married to a divorced woman who has a child with another man is a dumb thing to do. Especially if the man is of a disagreeable temperament.

Al sadly moves out of the way so The Seed can continue speeding at full throttle toward the unforgiving brick wall he's intent on meeting full force. BBBBbbrrrr!