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steve3339

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I'm not sure if I made a terrible mistake or I'm just really anxious and stressed. I met a woman last year from another (in south america), communicated via skype, i visited 2x 3 weeks in total and got engaged. I've now moved there to be with her, as she couldn't bear to leave her close knit family. The problem is, I feel overwhelmed with fear if I can adopt to the situation ---and the wedding is in 3 weeks! The climate is really hot and humid, I speak very little Spanish and cannot comprehend conversations at regular speed. I would have to teach young children in order to work, which is new for me, there are mosquitoes periodically to deal with----the home has open areas - no windows or screens - common construction here. I've lost sleep and I feel depressed. She loves and accepts me and doesn 't care whether I speak Spanish (she's bilingual so we speak in my English language -her family is the same). I'm asking for prayers that God will direct me to do what is His Will. I just don't know if this life will make me happy. (she won't move to usa). She is a good, Christian woman by the way. I just don't want to cancel the wedding because I'm scared and think I can't adopt to all these huge changes. I've quit lots of things before but this is different - some would say justifiable. But, I'm really scared and confused about what to do. I couldn't bear to break her heart either. We do love each other too. Any advice and prayers would really help me! I feel I'm headed for a nervous breakdown.
Thanks to all and God Bless
 

heavensangel1964

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Hello Steve

I just read your post this early morning. The first one I read , since my Beautiful Father was called to his eternal glory with Our Sweet Heavenly Father God this past Monday, and yours caught my eye...

The very first statement you made was: "I'm not sure if I made a terrible mistake or I'm just really anxious and stressed."

Steve, you are rushing way too fast into this marriage. You have only known this girl for three weeks. Then you decide to relocate to be close to her. Now you are trying to adapt quickly to a whole new world of life. Time to put the brakes on, take a deep breath, relax, and slow down...

You also stated that: "I'm scared and think I can't adopt to all these huge changes. I've quit lots of things before but this is different - some would say justifiable. But, I'm really scared and confused about what to do."

Hon, you MUST slow things down. There is the Red Flag! Please, do not rush into this marriage.

What I would do if it were me? I would continue to stay in the relationship, since it sounds like the two of you love each other, and really want this marriage. But, again, I am asking YOU, "why the sudden rush to marry?" I would focus instead on trying to adapt to your new "life," as you are in a different country you are not familiar with. This takes time. See if you are truly (and honestly)going to be happy living over there.

Talk to your fiancee and possibly set a time period of six months to a year to make this gradual adjustment.

And the two of you must be honest with yourselves. Marriage is taking a Sacred Vow before Your Heavenly Father God. Which means that the two of you are to stay committed to each other, and to God. Which means that the two of you must be agreeable to make these changes in your lives, "Together," that will make both of you happy.

If after this time period, you are not truly happy, you must talk to your fiancee of the possibility of 1. maybe living six months out of the year over there, and six months here in America. 2. Or ask your fiancee the possibility of taking a trip to America with you just to visit for a few weeks. Introduce her to your family and friends, and let her see how wonderful it would be living here. These are just a couple of suggestions I am giving to you, and there are others, if you and your fiancee can discuss, if you truly want to spend the rest of your lives together.

You really need to have a serious discussion now to your fiancee, and be completely honest that these changes you are now trying to adapt to may never materialize for you. Because if you marry her now, and as you just stated that you are scared, confused, overwhelmed and depressed, about this sudden and HUGE change in your life.

Think about how this will affect your marriage. Not a good, positive way to begin a marriage, right?

Finally, the two of you must be praying together, and asking Your Sweet Father God, if this IS of HIS will for the tow of you to be married. It may just be that Your Heavenly Father has different plans for the two of you, and this is NOT the girl YOU are intended to marry after all...

I will be praying for you and your fiancee, that, Our Sweet, Heavenly Father God, if it IS truly HIS Will for the two of you to marry, HE will guide and direct the two of YOU when and how this marriage and the living arrangements will be arranged...

May Our Sweet Father God Bless The Two of YOU!




 
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steveg333

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thanks for the prayers. I decided to call it off and then realized the next day I had made a terrible mistake. Of course, by that time my fiance had lost respect for me and viewed me as insecure. I tried to tell her it wasn't too late and I didn't want to lose her. She said it was best I leave and I'm back in the USA with a completely shattered heart! I have feelings of sadness, pain and regret. I lost the love of my life and I can't get her back. She won't even respond to emails. If I had just been positive and confident that I would have adjusted I could've been happily married. Now at age 42, I have zero prospects of finding a treasure like her. I gave up everything (house, job) to be with her and now i have nothing and will die (hopefully very soon!) ALONE.
 
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ThyLovingkindness

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Hi Steve, what I question is why this woman wouldn't want to move to where you are. Clearly you didn't find the living environment there desirable. Your being at home now might very well be a blessing in disguise. It's better not to marry than go ahead and do so, only to discover that you've made a mistake because you're not ready. As the man, and I'm assuming you're a believer, it seems as though you'd have a say in terms of where to live... or not. And this woman appears predominantly attached to her family of origin. I think of this scripture and encourage you to really read it, maybe it'll make sense of my ramble,

Ephesians 5:22-33
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
 
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Contented

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Don't be so negative. You are not an old man. You have saved yourself a marriage that could have caused so much stress. Seek God's help. Go out with some of your friends and begin to date again. Make sure you ask God to show you what you need to do. He will show you the way. My grandmother always said, Every disappointment is a blessing, and eventually you will realise that it was a blessing despite the pain you are experiencing now.
Will keep you in my prayers.
 
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saved24

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Praying for you. I think if she was the right one she would answer your emails. I know if I loved a guy that much in the first place I would forgive his insecurities. I mean really, move so far away to a strange culture and NOT have some insecurities? not likely. I think the Lord has better things planned for you.
 
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steveg333

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Thanks. I will ask God to direct me. I still don't know why He would have me give up everything and move there to fail so quickly. And I (as well as my former fiance) prayed about this a lot before I moved there. Anyway, thank you so much for your prayers. I really need them now. God Bless you!
 
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ThyLovingkindness

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We all make mistakes, and some of us mistakes in love. Feelings can be strong, and sometimes overpower God's will. I speak from experience. Perhaps with some quiet time you'll see the lesson here. And I wouldn't rush off into another relationship too fast. I especially pray that you find employment. Blessings!
 
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MaryATexasChristian

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.

Dear Steve,

It's my feeling that you rushed into this relationship much too fast.
Do you think maybe you could have been terribly lonely that it could have been just a big infatuation?
Since you felt such a feeling of fear, uncertainty and despair in your new surroundings, that's probably telling you something.
It's likely that you would never have changed your feelings about that place.
Would your love have held up?
You gave up everything- job, home - for her and she refuses to move to your country, refuses to understand your feelings about her country, and refuses to even answer your email?
How strong could her love for you have been? Think about it.

Steve, you are young with practically your whole life ahead of you.
Time heals. I know. I've been there- hopelessly in love..a love that wasn't meant to be.
There are plenty of decent young women out there who are looking for someone just like you.
Get out and circulate. Attend church and it's activities.

Prayers for you, dear. Things will work out. You'll see

.
 
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