PLEASE help...

[ShawnTellerton]

I am 21 years old. Three months ago I met the woman who I am now in a courtship relationship with. We are dating not for the sake of dating, but to find out if we want to marry each other. We are both strong Christians devoted to saving sex until after marraige. My problem is this: when we are close, just sitting close to each other, or holding hands, or if I want to give her a hug, I get an erection. Believe me when I say that this is without even a mere thought of sexual activity, it is simply due to the fact that we are touching. This has become extremely embarrassing, and I feel as though I've done something wrong, when in reality all I want to do is show a little affection. This woman means the world to me, and I can't imaging losing her simply because I can't control my body.

Is there hope for me? Has anyone gone through this and been able to overcome it? Do you eventually get "used" to the person? I should mention that I have never touched anyone affectionately outside of family in my entire life -- this is the first relationship I've ever been in.

God bless you for any help or hope you can offer me.

Shawn

 

[AutumnDreamer]

I should mention that I have never touched anyone affectionately outside of family in my entire life -- this is the first relationship I've ever been in.

This is probably the reason here. I would refrain from getting to close or even physically touching until your body adjusts. You have only been in this courtship for 4mths take your time and get to know her without anything physical, as I was writing this a thought came to me, maybe this could be the Lord's way of keeping you focused on the task of getting to know her on a frinedship/personal level without the physical level getting in the way and clouding your mind.

 

[f U z ! o N]

I am 21 years old. Three months ago I met the woman who I am now in a courtship relationship with. We are dating not for the sake of dating, but to find out if we want to marry each other. We are both strong Christians devoted to saving sex until after marraige. My problem is this: when we are close, just sitting close to each other, or holding hands, or if I want to give her a hug, I get an erection. Believe me when I say that this is without even a mere thought of sexual activity, it is simply due to the fact that we are touching. This has become extremely embarrassing, and I feel as though I've done something wrong, when in reality all I want to do is show a little affection. This woman means the world to me, and I can't imaging losing her simply because I can't control my body.

Is there hope for me? Has anyone gone through this and been able to overcome it? Do you eventually get "used" to the person? I should mention that I have never touched anyone affectionately outside of family in my entire life -- this is the first relationship I've ever been in.

God bless you for any help or hope you can offer me.

Shawn

umm its called YOUR BODY IS WORKING PROPERLY! seriously, its a natural thing for that to happen. if she is mature enough, she will understand as well. it's called a sex drive for a reason.

 

[ShawnTellerton]

This is probably the reason here. I would refrain from getting to close or even physically touching until your body adjusts. You have only been in this courtship for 4mths take your time and get to know her without anything physical, as I was writing this a thought came to me, maybe this could be the Lord's way of keeping you focused on the task of getting to know her on a frinedship/personal level without the physical level getting in the way and clouding your mind.

That's really good advice - Thank You. I guess I just don't want her to think that I'm not interested, which is silly. I've never seen my father hug, kiss, or hold hands with my mother or my step-mother. I just didn't want to fall into a rut of being completely non-affectionate like that...but then again, it's only been 4 months, and there is still plenty of time for that. Thanks for the advice.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

That's really good advice - Thank You. I guess I just don't want her to think that I'm not interested, which is silly. I've never seen my father hug, kiss, or hold hands with my mother or my step-mother. I just didn't want to fall into a rut of being completely non-affectionate like that...but then again, it's only been 4 months, and there is still plenty of time for that. Thanks for the advice.

Now is the best time for complete honesty to start IMO, explain to her what is happening, and explain that you need to refrain from holding hands, or hugging or any of that for right now. That is sad that you did not get to see your parents being affectionate. My husband and I make a point never to hide our affection from our kids, we want them to grow up understanding that is what married couples do, however we also want them to understand that is what married couples do. There is no need to show that much affection at this point in time, this should be a time of communication, b/c if it doesnt start now it makes it that much harder to start it later on.

 

[SoC]

It's entirely natural, so don't worry about it. I know from experience that it's embarassing. It's just your body reacting to the physical contact and there's nothing wrong with that, especially if you are doing so without sexual thoughts, as you say you are (kudos to you for that, btw).

I agree with AutumnDreamer. Tell her what's going on and explain that you need to refrain or limit physical contact, until you get used to it. If she's mature enough for a realtionship, she'll understand and accept it.

 

[invisiblebabe]

I hope this isn't TMI, but your situation sounds a lot like my ex fiance's, back when I was with him.

From my knowledge, it diminishes over time.. sort of like a "tolerance" effect.

 

[owencrab]

I am 21 years old. Three months ago I met the woman who I am now in a courtship relationship with. We are dating not for the sake of dating, but to find out if we want to marry each other. We are both strong Christians devoted to saving sex until after marraige. My problem is this: when we are close, just sitting close to each other, or holding hands, or if I want to give her a hug, I get an erection. Believe me when I say that this is without even a mere thought of sexual activity, it is simply due to the fact that we are touching. This has become extremely embarrassing, and I feel as though I've done something wrong, when in reality all I want to do is show a little affection. This woman means the world to me, and I can't imaging losing her simply because I can't control my body.

Is there hope for me? Has anyone gone through this and been able to overcome it? Do you eventually get "used" to the person? I should mention that I have never touched anyone affectionately outside of family in my entire life -- this is the first relationship I've ever been in.

God bless you for any help or hope you can offer me.

Shawn

when you get the feeling, just say a scripture to yourself...walk away if you have to. that's just the devil trying to tempt you

 

[peanutbutter12]

when you get the feeling, just say a scripture to yourself...walk away if you have to. that's just the devil trying to tempt you

yes, because human nature is of the devil... *sigh*

CJ

 

[holo]

when you get the feeling, just say a scripture to yourself...walk away if you have to. that's just the devil trying to tempt you

Sorry, but this is extreme perversion.

It's not the devil, it's your body doing working like it should.

 

[Alenci]

umm its called YOUR BODY IS WORKING PROPERLY! seriously, its a natural thing for that to happen. if she is mature enough, she will understand as well. it's called a sex drive for a reason.

It's entirely natural, so don't worry about it. I know from experience that it's embarassing. It's just your body reacting to the physical contact and there's nothing wrong with that, especially if you are doing so without sexual thoughts, as you say you are (kudos to you for that, btw).

I hope this isn't TMI, but your situation sounds a lot like my ex fiance's, back when I was with him.

From my knowledge, it diminishes over time.. sort of like a "tolerance" effect.

Wait... am I missing something or are you actually saying it's normal for a guy to have that happen when he is sitting next to a girl or holding her hand?!!

 

[SoC]

For some guys, it can be that way. Others don't have a problem.

There's nothing wrong with an erection anytime. Sure, it's embarassing, but there's nothing wrong with it. If there's lustful thoughts going along with it, those thoughts are the problem, not the erection. The erection is a physical response that most guys cannot control, however, they can control the thoughts they have when one occurs.

 

[Alenci]

There's nothing wrong with an erection anytime. Sure, it's embarassing, but there's nothing wrong with it. If there's lustful thoughts going along with it, those thoughts are the problem, not the erection. The erection is a physical response that most guys cannot control, however, they can control the thoughts they have when one occurs.

I'm not upset at them for something that's beyond their control... I just wonder if I ought to lock myself up in my room, lol. :o

 

[Inperfected]

I think it's awesome for you to be like that!

Why? It shows your purity is intact.

 

[jesusmysaviour76]

Maybe you could try explaining to her the problem you have, as it is a normal part of the human body, and if she is mature she will understand, and she wont think your not interested if you explain that you need to not get physical straight away.

Good luck and God bless.

 

[Scotty_Aussie87]

sounds like you got a case of the NRB, No Reason Boner, its all good mate it is embarrasing and can be real annoying, there are ways to combat it, even if your thoughts arent lustful you can sorta switch it off by thinkin about something bland, boring, uninteresting well at least stop thinking about the fact that you got an erection. WARNING: this method may cause you in future to be attracted to the toaster or the microwave! (just kidding ya!)

 

[ItalianAngel]

I am 21 years old. Three months ago I met the woman who I am now in a courtship relationship with. We are dating not for the sake of dating, but to find out if we want to marry each other. We are both strong Christians devoted to saving sex until after marraige. My problem is this: when we are close, just sitting close to each other, or holding hands, or if I want to give her a hug, I get an erection. Believe me when I say that this is without even a mere thought of sexual activity, it is simply due to the fact that we are touching. This has become extremely embarrassing, and I feel as though I've done something wrong, when in reality all I want to do is show a little affection. This woman means the world to me, and I can't imaging losing her simply because I can't control my body.

Is there hope for me? Has anyone gone through this and been able to overcome it? Do you eventually get "used" to the person? I should mention that I have never touched anyone affectionately outside of family in my entire life -- this is the first relationship I've ever been in.

God bless you for any help or hope you can offer me.

Shawn

Hi Shawn,

What you are going through may be a bit embarassing, but it is a perfectly healthy and normal reaction for a young man your age. If your intent with your girfriend is to abstain from sexual activity and your thoughts aren't on sexual activity then having an erection isn't going to change things.

Most importantly, talk to your girlfriend about it. You mentioned you don't want to lose her. She can't be angry or scared about something you really can't control. Assure her that even though your body might be reacting a certain way, your respect for her is so much stronger and you wouldn't want her to do anything she isn't comfortable in doing.

blessings,
~Michele

 

[Mr.Cheese]

You're human.
So is she.
for all you know she may have the same reaction.
Understand yourself and one another.

This is not weird or sick. You mention that this is the first relationship you've had.
You will figure things out. I promise. I know it's confusing. Don't hate this part of you. God engineered these feelings in us. he put them there. Our sexuality is a powerful thing. But you will learn to understand it more. Just remember that God made this part of you so learn about it and understand it rather than hate it.

Christianity has become really sterile. No one touches anyone anymore. If you hug someone at church or put your arm around someone then it "looks funny." So everyone is afraid to touch or show affection to one another because they are afraid it will look bad. Well, now we have become conditioned to think that any kind of touch or affection has a sexual meaning and confusion ensues. Bleh. I'm babbling.

Just know that you'll figure this out. Might not happen overnight, but you will. You sound like a pretty normal human being.
And do remember that she may be having the same feelings as you. She's human as well.

P.S. have you considered talking to her? maybe some of the women here, married or otherwise, could offer some insight to help you.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Wait... am I missing something or are you actually saying it's normal for a guy to have that happen when he is sitting next to a girl or holding her hand?!!

Well. This is his first girl and he's never really been touchy outside of family. So I think this part of him is beginning to wake up. It's confusing as hell and kind of embarassing. But he'll get it figured out.
This is all new to him.