Please help me.

[RobertVillager]

There’s so much to say and details to get into but I really just need advice, prayers, some people to vent to.

To keep it simple, i guess I’ll just form it all in a question; the Bible talks about being with an unbeliever and being unequally yoked. What about being with a false convert...What if the person you are with is the tare and not the wheat...What if you have a genuine passion to please God and your counterpart is counterfeit. What if every step you’ve taken to in faith has been met with opposition by the very person who is supposed to walk in line with you.

It’s been three years married, and about 5 years together being saved, another 2 before that lost. The past 5 years have been spent with me trying to move in Gods direction while she fights me every step of the way. If I didn’t know better the enemy himself occupies my wife. I don’t want to spend time bashing her or listing every detail, but let me just fast forward to now.

I’ve felt like her heart is in the wrong place and now she has admitted that she is falling away from God. She says her and I want different things out of life and that I need to find somebody who thinks more like myself. She has talked about leaving me in every way shape and form and has said everything short of I don’t love you anymore. She thinks she is going to figure life out on her own; she has plans for her future that she told me either I go along with or get left behind. Plans that I was never included in the discussion of. I ask her where God is in all this planning and thinking and she doesn’t have an answer.

Bottom line; the Bible says if an unbeliever wants to leave, let them. But this woman is a “professing” believer. It’s not my job to judge her or say she is or isn’t saved or a genuine Christian; but by their fruits you will know them the Bible says. Do I continue to fight for this person who has only hindered my walk with God? Or do I let her follow her own wicked heart (all of our hearts are wicked, mine included) and watch Her Leave? Honestly I want to give up myself and part of me feels relieved that she wants to leave me, but I suppose as I’m wrapping this up I already know the answer.

Continue to love her, if she wants to leave that is her decision that she will have to live with. God is in control and I need to only submit to and trust in Him and love others.

 

[RobertVillager]

On the way home from work tonight is when she said I need to find somebody that thinks like me and we just think differently and are on different pages. I tried to explain that there’s only one way to think and one page to be on; and that’s not my way of thinking or my page but what God says. If we aren’t on the same page then one of us (or both of us) are on the wrong page. I told her our marriage was built on a foundation and without that foundation it WILL fall apart, and when I ask her where God is in her thoughts or in how she approaches our marriage; she has no answer. She just wants to leave and thinks the problem is that I need a different person. I just wish we were on the same page and did have God at the center of our marriage; and I feel like this is what it means to be unequally yoked.

 

[ripple the car]

Don't stop fighting for your marriage, and don't stop loving your wife. If she is planning a future that is not Godly, you have no obligation to support or follow her into that. Sometimes putting your foot down even if it disappoints her terribly is the best choice, depending on the situation. I have know of other couples in your situation. Assume she's a Christian, even if she doesn't act like it. And pray for her like crazy, trusting in God to work all things out with Divine Mercy.

 

[ripple the car]

We can go through terrible trials with a husband or wife who seems to be diametrically opposed to most or all things Holy. It is extremely tempting to just think "well, I'm obviously not married to a Christian here, so...." Hold on. Keep praying.

Sounds like you're doing a really good job of counseling her, though. Throwing meaningful questions her way.

 

[ripple the car]

Follow through, do your part, love her, ask her specific, convicting questions, don't cave and give up, and immerse her and you in prayer. God does work miracles. It will never be His will for a woman to leave the husband of her youth. Don't give up. Sometimes marriage is a cheerful blessing given to us by God, and sometimes it's a Cross given to us by God, too. Pray for yourself, too. Don't give up.

 

[Humble me Lord]

Are there children involved?

 

[Albion]

At first, I thought I was in your corner with this, but upon a closer reading of your posts and some reflection, I have to say that it sounds as though your wife might tell a somewhat different story if she were also posting here.

 

[RobertVillager]

You are correct and of course there are two sides to every story. She would say I’m critical of her and expect her to be perfect, I don’t at all expect her to be perfect but I do understand that is her reality and how she sees things.

She said she is falling away from God. She is making plans for her future without praying or including me in those plans. She wants more out of life than what we’ve already been blessed with. What I ask of her is to be content with what we have right now, thank God that we are as blessed as we are, prayerfully make your plans for the future, including your husband and God in those plans and letting him lead, and trust and have faith that His plan is better than anything we can come up with on our own. This angers her and makes her feel like we are on two different pages and want different things out of life. That is my wife’s perspective and what she would tell you about me.

 

[RobertVillager]

Are there children involved?

No children, we’ve been trying but she’s having trouble with her ovulations.

 

[RobertVillager]

At first, I thought I was in your corner with this, but upon a closer reading of your posts and some reflection, I have to say that it sounds as though your wife might tell a somewhat different story if she were also posting here.

My question here is if my wife is falling away from God and wants to follow the desires of her heart and leave me; what should I do? And if she’s not a genuine believer are we then unequally yoked? If you’re married to a believer then the two of you put God at the center and follow those guidelines. I should love her like Christ loves the church and she should submit to me as to the Lord. But when only one person has God at the center it’s like a two person rowboat with only one person rowing. I’m trying to listen and follow to what God wants me to do and she is leaning on her own understanding without praying, reading, talking to God or listening.

 

[DZoolander]

Are her concerns about you and your leadership legitimate?

 

[RobertVillager]

Are her concerns about you and your leadership legitimate?

She doesn’t want me to lead. I tell her that as her husband she should listen to me when I offer advice, not listen to me as in obey me, but listen as in consider advice that I give her as the lead of the household and her exact response to that was “no, freaking no” As far as Her concerns that I’m critical and want her to be perfect obviously I would reject that notion, because I know how imperfect I am and know I do not expect perfection from her, but I do believe she genuinely feels that way and I do work on not coming across that way.

 

[DZoolander]

Are these things in reference to stuff like career? Money?

 

[RobertVillager]

Are these things in reference to stuff like career? Money?

No, that’s sort of the thing. 5 years ago we were living at my moms house with no job and no future. Neither of us even graduated high school; after we got saved we were extremely blessed. She became a manager at a department store and still complained everyday on how much she hated her job. I tried to explain then that we need to be thankful for what we’ve been blessed with and she used to get angry at me for saying that then. I was working an office job where most people have college educations making pretty decent money, and ended up getting her a job there with me. Two high school drop outs with jobs where everybody else has 4 year college degrees - her highest level of education is 9th grade and she’s still complaining she wants more out of life after all we’ve been blessed with.

She wants to move to a different state which I’m not opposed to, but for one she made these plans on her own, didn’t discuss it with me, and told me either I go with her or get left behind; and two has left God completely out of the equation; and when I tell her “many are the plans of a mans heart but the Lords plan prevails” she gets angry with me. I ask her if she’s prayerfully making these plans and she says “no”.

 

[now faith]

Legalism is Demonic.
Not knowing why She is falling away, have you considered that you are pushing Her away?
I notice your repeating the notion that if she Is not saved you can go without sinning.
When married couples disagree on religon it's the guy who normally will be the lawgiver.
She could be a stronger more mature Christian than you.
Read Romans 14
But you could be justified by Her being unrepentant as well.
Before you both walk away, I hope you can compile a list of reasons , then seek out your Pastor for advice.
And if she follows a different denomation, seek that Pastors advice.
God's will be done.
We love you both and are praying for you.

 

[RobertVillager]

So as of this morning she has decided to move out and leave me.

 

[Albion]

Thank you for responding to my earlier post, Idealaedi. If she leaves you, the unequally yoked issue solves itself. But for that, I am sorry. And it does now appear that she was not simply talking in the “If you don't want me -- or if you are going to treat me like a servant -- then so be it” vein, which would suggest that she is wanting you to save the relationship by making adjustments in her direction. The only resolution now, if that is even possible, would be a serious dose of counseling, I am thinking, but she may be opposed to that, too.

 

[ripple the car]

So as of this morning she has decided to move out and leave me.

I am so sorry to hear that, Ideal.

 

[tall73]

She wants to move to a different state which I’m not opposed to, but for one she made these plans on her own, didn’t discuss it with me, and told me either I go with her or get left behind;

So what are her plans? Why does she want to move to a different state?

Why does she think you need someone like you?

 

[tall73]

So as of this morning she has decided to move out and leave me.

So she actually moved out? Did she go to the other state?