Please help..is this normal for a 4 yr old?

[jesusisouronlyhope]

Two weeks ago I got a note sent home from my son's preschool saying he touched a peer's bottom and said "Hi bottom" when he did so. I was informed that it was the 2nd time it had happened. We had a long discussion about 'private parts' and how it is never okay for anyone to touch him there and that it's never okay for him to touch anybody there. I sat in on his class and realized that he really has a crush on the little girl that he did this to. But, in the past 2 weeks, he has been on his best behavior.

However, today he had a friend over after school and they were in his room playing when his friend came out and told me that my son had taken all of his clothes off. When I went in to see what was going on, he had stripped down to his underwear. My son told me that his friend had started taking his own clothes off first and he followed suit.

Then, in the bath tonight, our 4 yr. old screamed because he had gotten hurt. When my husband went to see what was wrong, he found our 4 yr. old laying down in the bath aroused by our 18 month old banging toys on his private part.

My husband and I are so concerned and so worried that someone might have done something to him (child or adult) causing him to have a premature fascination with sex. I pray we are wrong and that he may be doing these things out of curiosity. If anyone has dealt with this, please reply. Thanks so much.

 

[Iddie4him]

I think that I would get him in to see a proffesional ASAP, I would be very concerned about this sudden streak of behaviour. Not only is it not right, But, It seems as tho something has caused your son to suddenly start acting out this way. Maybe an outside influence from a friend or something.

 

[E-beth]

I teach kids your son's age, and it is natural fro four year olds and older to be fascinated by all things "taboo". If I read a book mentioning underwear, they all laugh like it was the funniest thing they ever heard.

Around this age kids discover that their private parts can give them good feelings when touched. That is a problem too, because they don't really have the maturity to deal with the knowledge. I once taught a four-year-old who would lie on his tummy at naptime and grind against his pillow. He called it "exercising."

However, as a parent, I would want to be on the safe side. Take him to his doctor first, and explain the behavior and your concerns. He should be checked for physical avidence of being messed with. Then maybe the doctor or a trained child professional can find out if anyone has subjected him to information he can't handle yet.

One other thing, I don't know how it is in Ireland, but here in the US, if I see improper behavior in my classroom that makes me think a child has been molested, I am bound by law to report it. Therefore, going on record as having had him checked out would ease suspicion on the minds of authorities. Ugly truth, that is, but when it comes to your son, if he has been hurt you need to know as soon as possible. Also, communicate with your son's teachers and ask them to document things they see that strike them as unusual. It could be that he just doesn't understand personal space and wants to touch kids he likes.

 

[Etharia]

"Two weeks ago I got a note sent home from my son's preschool saying he touched a peer's bottom and said "Hi bottom" when he did so" To me, that sounds like normal, little kid stuff.
The other stuff would concern me. I've worked with kids for almost 10 years including in daycare and I've only run across behavior like that once by a little girl who was being abused by her mother's boyfriend. I'm not saying that anyone is abusing your son, but it raises enough red flags to take action, IMO.

 

[jesusisouronlyhope]

Hi everyone who responded,

I am grateful for your insight and advice. My husband and I have spoken to other Christian families who have boys and they say that this is completely normal. It's just not discussed very much when it happens because it's not appropriate and most of us like to keep that sort of thing private.

We spoke to our son about the importance of nobody ever touching him on his private's and he was very reassuring that no one has ever touched him on his private parts (besides mommy and daddy when bathing him in the past). So, as it will be an ongoing issue (talking about sex with our children), our fears have been relieved.

Please note that children are naturally curious about sex, each child with varying degrees of curiosity (typically, from what I've learned so far, boys tend to have more curiosity than girls). Since this issue has been brought to our attention, we have spoken to several different people who have told us 'horror' stories about young children already discovering how to touch and in public, in one instance. Their parents are being advised (by secular doctors, I'm sure), to call it 'exercising' and not to get on to their children about it. That's appalling.

We are grateful that the situation happened now and not when he's in grade school. I heard that parents these days will try to sue children for harrasment if they touch their child innocently out of curiosity/lack of knowledge.

Thanks so much.