Please help, I am so lost.

[Door]

I have been married 7 years. When I first got married my husband was working for a man that paid him under the table and sometimes not at all. I told him if we are going to get married , he would have to quit that job because the man treated him with no respect. He went to work for a more established company and we got married. Shortly after we got married I found his info on a gay website, he denied he created the account. Before that I had found an inappropriate toy in his closet along with porn, which supposed belonged to another family member as he was living with his parents at the time. After we got married they started taking child support out , for a child he says he never knew about. I worked two shifts a day and we scrimped and saved and we still were suffering due to this child support. Well years later he says his family knew about the child all along. Mind you when he found out about this child he or she was 12. He just pays the support and has no desire whatsoever to find the child. We have moved 7 times in seven years because nothing is ever good enough for him. We are always behind on the bills and he makes 60,000 a year. Now he has two houses being foreclosed on and he will have to declare bankruptcy. I also found uncountable adult websites with all his information looking for sex. I do love him , but I just do not know if I can stay married to him. We are going to go to marriage counseling. Any advice on how to proceed, I know if I just go back, it will end up being the same thing. We are seperated. What would you do if you were me ?

 

[ido]

I would pray hard for guidance.

 

[Door]

This sounds like my husband to a T.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you_tell_if_someone_is_a_pathological_liar

 

[porterross]

Your marriage horror story has some similarities to mine and I knew I simply had no choice but to be free of the self destructive path someone else was determined to go down. It stinks, but we have not failed when our spouse chooses adultery and self indulgence over our marriage vows and the family he committed to providing for and protecting.
His command is to love you as Christ loves the church, but it seems as though he is unaware what that means. Perhaps the counseling will work, but be prepared for the reality that it won't. Is it Christ-based counseling? That makes a difference.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I am glad you are going to counselling, it is a big step to take.

I would take it really slow and see how that goes. I would really want him to come clean about everything and if more continued to come up afterwards then I would explain that if he can't be honest wiht his wife he's not really trying to change. God can change people but they need to want that chage. I pray for your situation.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Is he worth staying with if he will never change his ways?

 

[deliciousBass]

I have been married 7 years. When I first got married my husband was working for a man that paid him under the table and sometimes not at all. I told him if we are going to get married , he would have to quit that job because the man treated him with no respect. He went to work for a more established company and we got married. Shortly after we got married I found his info on a gay website, he denied he created the account. Before that I had found an inappropriate toy in his closet along with porn, which supposed belonged to another family member as he was living with his parents at the time. After we got married they started taking child support out , for a child he says he never knew about. I worked two shifts a day and we scrimped and saved and we still were suffering due to this child support. Well years later he says his family knew about the child all along. Mind you when he found out about this child he or she was 12. He just pays the support and has no desire whatsoever to find the child. We have moved 7 times in seven years because nothing is ever good enough for him. We are always behind on the bills and he makes 60,000 a year. Now he has two houses being foreclosed on and he will have to declare bankruptcy. I also found uncountable adult websites with all his information looking for sex. I do love him , but I just do not know if I can stay married to him. We are going to go to marriage counseling. Any advice on how to proceed, I know if I just go back, it will end up being the same thing. We are seperated. What would you do if you were me ?

Do you think your husband has been unfaithful? I think he has.

The ball is in his court. If you believe that he is contrite and that he will do his part in changing his sinful ways and saving the marriage, then I would wait and see. Personally, from what you have posted, I don't see him changing his ways. I think you are justified in being separated and I wouldn't blame you if you proceeded to file for divorce. Especially since from what you've said, marriage counseling hasn't produced any real results.